After that, things got pretty horny.
After all, the Primaries – or, as they would later be known, The Original 217 – had a lot to celebrate, and there is only one way of celebrating that predates the use of alchohol, and that is good old fashioned fuckin’.
And it wasn’t just Bumper’s gang of happy perverts that were getting it on. Everyone got their jollies that night. Somehow, no matter what someone needed in order to make their happy buttons light up, it was there, whether it was a discreet and conservative bedroom far away from prying eyes where they could make love on top of the sheets in the dark, or an open bacchanal with so many toys and attachments available that you could have an orgy all by yourself.
And they didn’t just get it on, they got it GOOD. The combination of fresh emancipation, enormous tensions to be relieved, and a total breakdown of limitations brought all who attended to the best, most cosmic, most life-affirming and joyous orgasms of their lives.
More than one participant said they came so hard they saw stars.
Nobody asked the stars what they saw when they came. People, presumably.
And everyone did it everyone – and everything – else. Big strong men found love with slender, sexy elves. Serious looking stockbrokers cavorted with goofy slapstick cartoon penguins. A group of passionate environmentalists found a whole new meaning to the term “treehugger” when they made passionate love to a female Ent.
“More like treehumper!” one joked.
The Ent found that hilarious.
But even in the middle of all this magnificiently joyful release, life goes on.
The following scenes are examples of this.
The slender, graceful one took a long and thoughtful drink from his cocktails, then sighed. “So I guess he wasn’t a real person after all. Figures. He was the greatest love of my life, and it turned out he was no more real than Cloud Strife or Geralt of Rivia. ”
“Who? ” said the the burly one.
The slender one gestured dismissively with a clawed hand. “Video game characters. Never mind. I was really hoping to run in to him here, but I have been looking at absolutely everyone here – some of them twice, because rawr – and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him the whole night.”
The slender one sighed, bushy tail hanging down. “So I guess he didn’t make it. ”
“Yup. ” said the burly one, the light glistening on his thick brown hide as he downed a massive mug of a dark and viscous liquid.
“And I just can’t deal with it, you know? ” said the slender one as he tried, in vain, to get the thick black fur on his head to stay flat. ” It’s just not right. All around me, people are having the time of their lives – at least, I think that’s what all the moaning and screaming I’ve heard is about – and here I am mourning over someone who never existed in the first place. Now I ask you, is that fair? ”
“Nope. ” said the burly one as he idly rubbed the base of his horns.
“And the worst part of it is that my last memory of him is him torturing some information out of a terrorist dirtbag by the name of… uh… what was it… ”
“Bone. ” said the burly one, grinning wide.
“Right, Bone.,.. and who wants to… wait a minute. ” The slender fox’s eyes narrowed. “Is that.,… is that YOU, my love? ”
“Yup. ” said the burly minotaur, his grin getting even bigger.
“And here I’ve been pouring my heart out to you about my lost boyfriend when I am standing here as a literal Black Fox and you’re a literal Minotaur and I’m an idiot for not noticing it until right now? ” said the Black Fox.
The Minotaur let out a single, basso profundo guffaw. “Yup. ”
The Fox pounced into his arms so hard that the massive Minotaur actually staggered back a step, and the two shares a long and hungry kiss.
Then the Fox punched the Minotaur in the solar plexus. It was a blow that would have crippled an ordinary man, but the big bull just laughed.
“You asshole!” said the Fox. “Why didn’t you tell me right away? Did you really get that much amusement out of watching me make an ass of myself?”
“Yup. ” said the Minotaur, which earned him another punch.
“Which reminds me…” said the Fox as he ran his soft furred paws over the Minotaur’s thickly muscled rump, which elicited a low moan from the bull. “Time to check out the new merchandise. And I must say, Mama LIKE. How about you, handsome? You like my new look?”
The fox moaned as he felt the Minotaur’s thickly calloused hand caress his sheath and balls. “I will take that as a yes. Let’s find a cozy spot to sit so I can show you all the benefits of my new equipment. Does that sound good”
The Minotaur scooped the Fox up his arms and said “Hell yeah!”
The Fox squealed with delight at being scooped up so effortlessly and pressed himself against the Minotaur’s torso. “Then let’s go home, my darling lover. Let’s go HOME. ”
Karlo, for his part, was having a hard time adjusting to being a human being again.
“I had it good!” he said to Reg while Reg combed through a massively loaded buffet table for the morsels he found acceptable and transferring each morsel to its proper place in a delicate and ornate pattern Reg seemed to be improvising.
“Mmm-hmm. ” said Reg. “I wonder if this tuna is Aiko or Snohomish. ”
“I had it all!” said Karlo, waving his thick stubby hands for emphasis. No job, no responsibilities, no expectations, no wife, no kids, and no goddamned mortgage and car payments making my life hell. All I did was eat, shit, and fuck all day. ”
He sighed, nostalgic. “It was the perfect life. ”
“For you, perhaps. ” Reg said primly as he scooped a scallop onto his plate. “No doubt that is why the System chose that life for you. ”
“You know, you’re right. ” said Karlo. “Being a dog actually did me a lot of good. I remember the guy I was before they put me in the System and I was not a happy man. I was angry all the goddamned time. The slightest thing could set me off. My wife and kids were scared shitless of me. Me, their husband and father. That’s just not right, you know? They should have been able to trust me. I should have been good to them. But no. All the time, I was yelling and pounding my first on the table and… and a lot of other things I’m too ashamed to mention.
“I appreciate your discretion. ” said Reg as he used the tip of a chopstick to pick through a dish of pickled ginger in search of a piece that was just the right shade of pink. “Please go on. I am listening intently. ”
“Thanks, pal. I appreciate that. ” said Karlo. “Where was I. Right… shame. All the time I was ashamed of how I acted at home. But I couldn’t stop myself. It really seemed to me like one second I would be having dinner with my family, relaxed and happy and joking around, and then the next thing I knew, I was screaming at my youngest Joey for knocking the salt over or not saying thank you to his mother or whatever. Between those two moments there was nothing but a hot flash. ”
“You poor man. ” said Reg sympathetically as he scraped excess sauerkraut from a minature Rueben sandwich. “Loss of self-control is the greatest indignity a man can experience. ”
“You said it, pal. ” said Karlo.”Worst night of my life was the day the cops arrested me for… for… I can’t say it,. ”
“Say it, Karlo. You can tell me. I won’t judge you. ” said Reg.
“Ya sure? ” said Karlo.
“I’m sure. ” Reg said in earnest.
“Okay, they… they arrested me for smacking my oldest Janie across the face so hard that her cheek busted open. ” said Karlo. “Right open, man. I saw the muscles and everything. And there was so much blood. I knew then that I was no good. A real piece of shit. I mean, what kind of psycho does that to his own kid? That’s the kind of thing a dad is supposed to protect his kids from. Right? Not do it himself. ”
“indeed. ” said Reg. “I know the shame of which you speak because I was the same in my life before. The only difference was I did it words and criticism, not my fists. ”
“Really?” said Karlo. “You seem like such a nice guy. ”
“I am now. ” said Reg, his gourmet odyssey momentarily forgotten. “And in a way I always was. But it used to be buried under a lot of anger and resentment. As far as I was concerned, the world was a messy, sloppy, stupid place full of careless, thoughtless dolts who stumbled through life like a sleepwalker… and it was up to me to wake them up and hold them accountable for their actions. ”
“Sounds okay to me. ” said Karlo.
“Trust me, it was not. I felt like everyone was entitled to my opinion and anyone who disagreed with me was a dolt. People were afraid to cross my path and I was proud of it. To me, that just proved that they were timid idiots afraid to face the truth, ”
“Jesus, pal. ” said Karlo. “that’s harsh. ”
Reg nodded. “Harsh. Cold. Cruel, Uncompromising. All words I heard said about me, and I took pride in each and every one of them. ”
“Man. ” said Karlo. “I can’t imagine living like that. ”
“Neither can I, now. ” said Reg. “It’s like I was a different person. I hate the person I was before. I wish I could go back in time and kill him. ”
“But you did kill him. ” said Karlo. “By becoming someone else. You’re you now, not him, and he’s dead and buried and never coming back. Right?”
“You know, I never thought of it that way, ” said Reg. “Thanks, Karlo. ”
“You’re welcome!” said Karlo. “Wait… how did you know my name?”
“You’re still wearing the collar. ” said Reg.
Karlo put a hand to his neck and felt the dog collar there. He slipped the collar off and stared at it. “Well I’ll be damned. ”
The two looked at each other for a silent moment, then burst into laughter. And they laughed for a good long time.
Afterwards, Karlo said “Well we know what helped me. Lots of hot dog on anything that moved action. What helped you?”
Reg thought for a moment. “I think the thing that did it for me was that I finally came out of the closet to myself. ”
“Really? So you’re a fag? ” said Karlo. “Uh, no offense intended. ”
“None taken. ” said Reg. “Yes, I am a homosexual. ”
“Really?” said Karlo. “With the wife and the kids and everything?”
“Yup. ” said Reg. “The wife, the kids, the powerful job, the big house, the Rolls… everything that was supposed to make you happy. Everything but love. ”
“So you didn’t love your wife? ” asked Barlo. ”
“Not really, no. ” said Reg. “Not in the romantic way. She’s a sweet and lovely lady and I am very fond of her and want to protect her from the world. But I don’t love her. ”
“What about the kids?” said Karlo.
Reg scowled in deep thought for a moment. “You know… I don’t even know any more. I guess it’s the same as with my wife. I’m very fond of them, but I don’t know that I love them. To me, they have always seemed like someone else’s kids. Does that make sense to you?”
“Sure. ” said Karlo. “I mean, you never made love to your wife, right?”
“Never. ” said Reg. “Not even on our wedding night. Neither of us were interested. Her, because she’d had a lot of bad stuff done to her as a kid, and me because… well, we know why, But I told her it was because of an injury to my scrotum when I was a kid that made erections incredibly painful. ”
“So the kids, I take it, are…?” said Karlo.
“Adopted? Yes. ” said Reg,
“And you weren’t getting it on with anybody? Not even on the sly? ” said Karlo.
“Not even on the sly.” said Reg. “I would have had to admit to myself that I was gay for that to happen. ”
“And how long did this go on?” said Karlo.
“Three days before I was admitted was our twelfth anniversary. ” said Reg.
“Jesus. Twelve years with no sex? ” said Karlo. “No wonder you was mean. ”
Reg glared at Karlo, and for a moment, Karlo thought Reg was going to hit him. But he started laughing instead, and pretty soon, Karlo joined in.
“You hit the nail right on the head, my friend. ” said Reg when they could both breathe again. “Maybe I should try being a dog. ”
“Sure!” said Karlo. “I’ll take the chicks and you take the dicks. It’ll be magical. ”
More laughter, the deep and wholesome kind that leaves you feeling better about life.
“About that, uh,. buddy. ” said Karlo. “You’re gay, right?”
“Yes. ” said Reg cautiously.
“That means you do, like… ”
Karlo leaned forward and half whispered, “…butt stuff, right?”
“In my case, yes, I do… ” said Reg.
Karlo leaned even closer to Reg. “Well you see… I recently discovered that I really like having things inserted into my butthole. ”
Reg grinned. “What a coincidence. I happen to like inserting them. Shall we go somewhere and… explore our options?”
“Sure thing!” said Karlo eagerly.
And the two had fun with one another’s orifices all night long.