First, we’ll get this out of the way.

Cool video. Weird to see Stipes act all anchormanly.

Anyhow, yeah, it’s been a bad day, and yes, this blog entry will be dedicated to me bitching about it.

It started when I was looking for flog fuel^[1] this morning when suddenly I get this screen popping up telling me that I have been caught viewing, storing, or distributing pornography that features stuff that is illegal in Canada (which could be anything from hardcore BDSM to bestiality to pedophilia or really, anything that’s too ‘weird’ for Canada) and that my device would be blocked because of that, and that CSIS was coming for me, and etc whatever.

I imagine that someone less savvy would be flat out terrified by that, and I feel bad for those people, because they would fall victim to this obvious scam, and maybe even live the rest of their lives in fear of every knock at their door.

Luckily, I’m so sharp I can split infinitives with my mind, so to me it was obviously a scam. All the “information” they had on me, like my IP address and what kind of tablet I was using, is information you can get easily on anybody just from their IP.

That’s how ads these days know how to target your country, or freak you out a little by saying “we have hot girls looking to have sex with you in (name of your town)”.

Sorry dear…. wrong merchandise.

Oh, and it even had a randomly generated “CSIS Case Number” to make it seem all official like.

But it was clearly a scam not just because of the bullshit listed above but because they asked for money. And they had the gall to say that you would be paying a fine you’d incurred for being so pervy (honey, you have NO idea) and by paying that fine, they would, in essence, let you off with a warning.

AWOOOGAH. Bullshit detected! That is not how either law or government works. If anyone ever suggests you pay them in order to get off with a warning, they are not legitimate law enforcement and you don’t have to give them a goddamned thing. If a cop writes you a ticket, that’s it, you get the ticket, it goes on your record, you lose points on your driver’s license, and you have to pay the fine… at the courthouse.

Otherwise, that’s someone shaking you down for a bribe.

Presumably, the scammers hope that you will be so full of guilt and fear that you will pay them and consider yourself lucky. But I am too skilled a smartass to fear them and as for guilt, I was not raised in any kind of religion and seeing as all I was doing was reading text files, I feel absolutely no guilt about the content of any of them.

It’s just text, people.

Oh, and the final tipoff that it’s a total scam : they wanted payment not via VISA or Mastercard or even PayPal (all of which have a paper trail) but by one of these traceless transactions that only require a 19 digit PIN.

Sadly, their ability to turn my beloved tablet into a useless brick is no fantasy. Right now, it’s just a device for showing their message and that is it. Can’t load anything and rebooting does nothing to stop that.

So I will have to research how to un-brick it. I’m sure there’s a way.

After that, I went to my pharmacy to pick up some meds and some alcohol swabs for my insulin injections, only to discover it was closed. And at first I was all “Whuuuuuuut?” but then I remember it was a stat holiday today, one I call “So We’ll Have A Long Weekend In August Day”.

Well fuck. Luckily, slightly more than a block away from that pharmacy is a Shopper’s, and they are a major corporation and therefore not inclined to do bullshit things like close on stat holidays like people just don’t get sick then.

So I walked there, handed in my Rx, and sat down to wait for them to fill it. No problem, I thought, I brought my tablet along so I could entertain myself…..

Yup. It was THAT tablet.

Do’h. So all I could do was sit there and wait. And while waiting, I was briefly targeted by one of my social anxiety’s archnemeses : the friendly retarded guy.

That’s a double whammy for me, because I generally don’t want my bubble of anonymity shattered when out in public anyhow, no matter who it is, but especially not by… well…

Retarded people freak me out. I am not proud of this, nor do I think it is in any way morally justified. They didn’t ask to be how they are any more than I did. They have as much right to be treated with respect as anyone else.

It’s me, not them.

But look at it this way : I have issues relating to people of normal intelligence, and get freaked out taking to them.

Luckily, he only said a few words to me. I was terrified he’d latch onto me. Again, not proud.

And then the lineup at Shopper’s was HUGE, and who was right ahead of me in line? The friendly retarded guy. Luckily, he was too busy with what was, for him, the clearly tricky business of paying for his things to notice me.

Then I went to White Spot, ordered a BC Chicken Burger, and it was way too juicy. I had to wring it out onto my plate before each bite or it would have soaked me in its drippings.

As it was, it still got me a few times, so I got to walk home with stains on my T-shirt anyhow.

So yeah. Not a great day. Tablet bricked, pharmacy closed, wrong tablet, stains on shirt.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.