More intense sleep. Kinda of thought I might be out of the woods on that, but as it turns out, not so much.

Had some pretty messed up dreams, and as I only woke up from them five minutes ago, I still remember something about them.

I know that I was planning some kind of dinner (rather like I am doing in RL, actually), and I was feeling kind of stressed about that, and then things kept going wrong and I got angrier and more frustrated with the situation. The last straw was when I suddenly realized I had gotten distracted and was too late to have the meal I had planned be on time, so I rushed to the kitchen only to find my mother was cooking it for me and clucking her tongue and saying the meal was ruined because I had bought the wrong things. Very little angers me more than having something taken away from me because I am doing it wrong. How am I supposed to learn dammit?

And here I was with a house full of people, including a bunch of recent friends of Felicity, a gaggle of older British women. I got so angry that I punched the fridge door… thus knocking it completely off its hinges. That did not improve my mood.

I was so mad by that point that I decided to do something highly uncharacteristic, and go for a walk i order to work off the excess steam.

As I leave the house, I notice that there’s a news crew outside, getting read to do a shoot with my house as a background. I am too keyed up to slow down and ask questions, but even in a dream, this strikes me as somewhat unusual.

And as I walk along, I encounter more of these news crews, and I catch a snatch of what one reporter is saying. Something about how a specific piece of emergency/disaster legislation has been activated, meaning my neighborhood is now officially a disaster area.

I just roll my eyes at this, figuring this is media fearmongering. As far as I can tell, everything is normal. It’s raining a little, and that is about it. I notice that some of the news crews even have snow machines set up to make their footage seem more “real”.

And as I walk along, I see that some of my neighbors have set up their own snow machines and frozen hail machines on their own front lawns (why do we all have these? I dunno ) as a kind of sarcastic statement on the media hype and government reaction and so on.

My original intention had been to just walk around the block, but apparently, my neighborhood is quite a bit less than gridlike, and I eventually notice that it has gotten quite dark out and I have no idea where I am now.

At this point, the dream switches gears, and I go from being angry to being somewhat worried, and the landscape switches from streets to a sort of suburban jungle of back yards and fences and the backs of homes and so on.

Interestingly, also at this point, a voiceover monologue starts speaking in my head in a voice which is not my own. Sort of sounded like Bruce Campbell, to be honest.

And Bruce was saying things like “I wondered how I was going to find my way home” and, while I was looking at something that looked like a factory off in the distance, “All I could remember was the way back from the dike trail where I had met her. I wonder what she would have thought of me that night if she had known that I had no idea where I was. ”

Kinda noir. I would love to see Bruce Campbell as a noir detective, wouldn’t you?

That is more or less when the dream ended. Too bad, that was getting interested. And I am fascinated by yet another dream which involves me getting incredibly angry. Must be a venting thing. We talked a lot about all my deep seated unexpressed anger today in therapy. I am guessing that part of the dream was my mind’s way of coping with the emotions that brought up.

Let’s see… no surprises at the GP’s office. My blood sugar is hella bad. It is some form of injection for me in the future. Either insulin (ick) or this stuff called Victoza. The doctor showed me the thing i would use to inject myself, and I was glad to find I would not have to learn to find a vein or anything like that. Just pick a piece of low sensitivity skin, and poke.

That is good, because I have hard to find veins and I am very clumsy and have poor eyesight to boot. So there is no way I could inject myself if it was that kind of injection. I was kind of hoping the device would be spring loaded, so all I had to do was press a button like with the lancet device that I use when I test my blood, but no dice.

Still, it is not quite so horrible a prospect as I had assumed. If the Victoza is covered, I will be on it. If not, insulin (ick).

Plus, the television situation has improved somewhat. Joe was nice enough to replace the tiny little TV with the larger one he had in his bedroom for bedroom use. It is still not as big as the previous TV, but it is still a good size.

So my Netflix and Wii games are not quite so compressed.

Therapy made me aware of how I need to deal with all this rage and hate inside me from all the pain I have experienced in my life. And not just vent it in dreams.

I have no idea how to do it, thought I want to very badly. It would be so nice not to be carrying this raging firestorm inside.

But who knows? Maybe that is what makes me such a warm guy.