Okay, time to put these thoughts into words.
Everybody knows, on some level at least, that adrenaline makes you stupid. We have all done unwise things “in the heat of the moment”, or said things we wish we hadn’t when we were angry or upset, or found ourselves maddeningly clumsy when trying to deal with some recalcitrant inanimate object.
Well, blame adrenaline.
When the adrenaline starts flowing, our mind shift over to their adrenalized mode, and and that mode focuses entirely on the here and now.
That means it empties our minds and shifts our thinking in such a way that our higher reasoning “human” mind shuts off in favour of our fast but sloppy “animal” mind in order to focus all our resources on dealing with the threat at hand.
Problem is, for us modern humans, there’s a high probability that the “threat” requires those exact same higher reasoning faculties adrenaline just turned off.
In other words, we get stupid.
But let’s drill down deeper. What exactly happens?
This is where the true madness lies.
Because what happens when you are trying to deal with a stressful situation with a less than ideal brain? You get even more stressed out.
Which releases more adrenaline.
Which makes you even stupider.
And stresses you out even more.
And by that simple and deadly cycle, you end up in a very bad frame of mind. possibly to the point of it turning into an anxiety attack or other extreme reaction.
And this applies to so many situations.
- That exam you studied for only to have all the answers fly out of your head when the time comes? Adrenaline.
- When you want to ask your boss for something but chicken out? Adrenaline.
- When you try to have a calm discussion with a loved one about something but it turns into a big screaming match? Adrenaline.
- When you had a ton of examples earlier and can’t remember them? Adrenaline.
The reason I am focusing on this is because I think it is the key to a lot of what goes wrong in our lives. Without a full understanding of adrenaline’s effect on the brain. we judge ourselves by the standards of a calm and rational mind, when we would be better off acknowledging our variable levels of IQ and saying “Oh, of course, I couldn’t do that, I was too dumb at that moment. “
The real question is what to do about it. The only solution I can think of is to get a grip on yourself before the cycle begins.
Or at least learn to calm yourself down when you’re having trouble thinking.
Because it works the other way, too. The more you handle calmly, the more confident you become, and the easier it is to stay calm.
It’s all about switching that polarity, and keeping it switched.
Oh, and for the record, I did the smart and sensible thing and stayed home last night.
And kind of hated myself for it.
More after the break.
This is not good.
So, I still feel very woozy.
I am chock-a-block with the wooz. Highly wooz-positive.
And it’s lasted long enough now that I am officially worried about it.
I guess in the back of my head, I assumed it would be a transient, 24 hour bug kind of thing but no, it’s hanging in there.
Best I can say is that I feel a little less sickly than yesterday, and a bit more energetic, but otherwise the symptoms remain the same.
Dizziness being the main one. Mostly when moving. When I am just sitting there typing away at the compubox, it’s not too bad. I’m a little dizzy, and my head tends to list side to side a bit as a result, but it’s easy to ignore.
But if I dare get up and move, or even move my head too fast, then all illusions of healthiness are shattered and the world lurches around me and I feel like a slightly overfilled water balloon with my contents sloshing about.
And I can’t help remembering my Grandma (father’s mother) and her problems with vertigo in the last decade or so of her life.
But I don’t think this is that. Hers was a cerebro-vascular issue and this seems to me to be more of a vestibular issue.
You know I’m nervous when the top shelf medical vocab comes out.
What I am saying is that it seems like an inner ear thing. Though restricted blood flow, especially in my legs, might be a factor too.
I get this hot fluttery feeling in the backs of my legs that accompanies the dizziness and I am not at all fond of it.
It seems bad.
And overall I just feel dark and depressed and disassociative today. It feels like seasonal depression, maybe. At least in part.
I feel like I am trapped in some dark space between dimensions, both here and not here at the same time, but fading away fast.
Sucks to be crazy.
Oh well. At least Xmas is coming up this Saturday, and that’s… good, right?
I will get to spend a pleasant evening with Joe’s family eating too much of things I will then have to go to the bathroom and take insulin to compensate for and have excellent conversation with Joe’s family, who are delightful and fascinating people who are nice enough to have me as their one and only guest every year.
I just have to very firmly and decisively stuff that fucking Trog of mine way down into his hole and stop listening to him entirely so he can’t make me freak out.
A glass of champagne or two will help with that, I think.
Or maybe I will take one of my fast-acting anti-anxiety meds.
Maybe not…. I am told their effects can be rather unpredictable the first few times you take them as your mind and brain chemistry get used to the effects.
I wouldn’t want to turn into a manic loon at Joe’s parents’ place!
Liquor, in this case, might be the safer option
What the heck, I only drink one day a year, might as well enjoy it! .
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.