Feeling a wee bit nutzoid at the moment.

Ya know, crazed. Manic. Angry but with extra velocity. I feel like I am about to jump in and out of my own skin a dozen times in a row. Like I want to scream like wounded elk and run out in to the street, (you guessed it) naked, and shout imperious and terrifying gibberish at passersby who are mesmerized by my ranting and, in some cases, by my uncircumcisized penis flapping in the breeze.

It’s how all males humans are born and yet here in the barbaric wilds of North America, many people have never seen an intact male.

Circumcision. Don’t get me started.

Anyhow, feeling like bull (but gay) moose in rut makes for a nice change from feeling like I am adrift at sea on a slowly dwindling iceberg.

Sure hope I learn how to swim in time.

Can’t imagine how, though. I’m afraid of the water.

At times like this, I wish I could have my own gym/dojo. Somewhere where I can go to work out by beating the shit out of a heavy bag or a practice dummy. Where I can scream and yell like the lunatic I am as I vent my rage in a socially acceptable fashion.

This is why I love Worf’s “Klingon calisthenics” holodeck program on Star Trek : The Next Generation so much. He can go to the holodeck and fight all the virtual enemies he wants without any need to restrain himself because they are not real.

I would be one mellow fellow if I had access to something like that.

Admittedly, the crazy holodeck sex would be a big part of that too.

Though here’s a question : Can a hologram penetrate a living person? And would you have to disable the safety protocols first? Hologrammatic entities are supposedly just force fields and light. So how could that holodick plow me deep?

Anyhow, back to violence. Heck, half the reason I play video games so much is that they help me burn off excess aggression and anger.

But sometimes they cause it too. Naturally. Right now, I am very frustrated with Fallout ’76 because there’s this monster I have to kill for a quest and it just keeps kicking my ass and I am all out of healing (Stimpaks) and they are so expensive that I normally never buy them and make do with what I get via looting but there is no way I am going to beat this thing without a ton of them.

So I am pursuing another plotline for now. Both to hopefully loot enough Stimpaks to fight the fucking thing and to give me time to cool down in general.

I will fight better when I can think better. Anger is a weapon only for your enemy, etc.

Seems silly to be this worked up over a video game, but if I didn’t care so much, they wouldn’t be nearly as much fun to play.

And wouldn’t that be a shame!

More after the break.

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More frigging headaches

So now I am stuck in the quest I started to get away from the previous quest with the monster I just could not beat^[1].

This time the problem is logical, not tactical. After a super, super. SUPER long trip through a shockingly enormous steel plant, I have reached a locked door with no means of opening it whatsoever that I can find.

And it makes me want to scream and throw a brick through a window, preferably one with whoever made this stupid level sitting conveniently close to it.

Probably the same schmuck who made that level where you have to run a race course marked by red arrows and eventually said arrows just… stop.

What kind of an idjit doesn’t get that if you are marking a path with arrows, each arrow has to lead to the next arrow? Directly?

They understood that in Skyrim! Each one of those little Inukchuk-type stone thingies was visible from the previous marker! That’s the whole idea!

Anyhow, my current predicament broke me and I had to quit the game.

I would have preferred to just leave the game on pause till I recuperated, but this is an MMORPG and there IS no pause.

Nor could I just tuck my character away in a safe corner somewhere and leave the game running, because a) there are no safe corners. the game will send someone to attack you wherever, and b) even if there was safe places, the game will log you out after a half hour or hour of inactivity anyway.

Because why should you be using a connection to the server someone else could be using to just have your character there going derp?

But here’s the thing. Because I quit while still in an interior space, there is a chance that none of my progress in the giant steel mill was saved.

I hope not. The game told me it had “Checkpointed.” at various key plot points, and I hope that means everything got saved.

But if I lost everything, I’m going to lose it. Because that steel mill is WAY longer and harder than i thought I would be and I am almost out of ammo and healing and there just keeps being MORE of the fucking place.

If I have to start over…. I might just decline. True, I am saving a small child from killer robots in the mission. But the kid’s tough, she’ll be OK.

If and when I go back, it will be with an enormous supply of meds and ammo. There is no such thing as “enough”, apparently, because you never know when the game is going to throw a super long quest or a super hard enemy (or both) at you.

Like the game doesn’t already feed my paranoia too much. Now it’s setting off my Northern European “never enough, always need more, winter is coming” hoarding instincts and that can’t be good.

Thus begins the long slippery slope leading to my spending real money for virtual currency in a game I already paid for.

Lord help me.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.