Hey there, happy campers!

Welcome aboard the Star Ship Foobleprize! Please observe all safety instructions, because frankly some of them are hilarious, and obey all directions from our air stewards, stewardesses, safety personnel, online entertainers, professional proctophiles, pregnant yak massagers, and anyone else who seems like a nice person who knows what they are doing.

As usual, when we break the light barrier, some of you will be required to fix it. After all, someone else is going to want to break it and we believe in being a responsible corporation practically as much as is legally required of us.

Our first stop today is real sweet spot known as the panties mystery!

You have to love a story like this. Thousands of pairs of panties have shown up on the sides of roads in central Ohio, and nobody knows where they came from or who put them there.

Some of them appear to be still folded like they would be in their original packaging, but others appear to have been “used”. They were in a wide variety of colors and patterns, and were found in four separate locations.

And thus, the mystery unfolds : 1,500 to 3,000 pairs of panties show up out of nowhere, and people want to know what the heck is going on.

My guess, and that’s all it is, is that a fetishist, possibly even a panty thief, either had to get rid of their “collection” super quick, or someone (possibly a wife or mother) discovered said “collection” and did the disposing themselves, under protest.

Under this theory, the panty disposer used four locations because they were acutely aware that being seen dumping panties by the sorority’s-worth on the side of the road might strike a few passing drivers as peculiar, and so they just pulled up to a random spot, chucked a whole bunch of them out, then zoomed off again.

Heck, they might not even have come to a complete stop.

Next up, we have a simply mindboggling artifact of complete and total dorkiness from another age, a link I got from a highly appropriate source : click this link and learn about learning the accordion is the best thing for a young boy… from a comic book.

Not only a comic book, but a professional made one, not just some horrible crude thing some accordion salesman’s nephew scratched out. The whole thing reads like a highly polished accordion lesson salesman’s pitch transmogrified into a comic book that makes Chick Tracts seem subtle in their approach.

One can’t help but imagine the hours of childhood misery spent learning the least cool musical instrument in the world unleashed by the propaganda power of this little comic.

And I have to admit, the world depicted in the comic is a false one, but it seems like a nice place, where all you need is an accordion and you get popularity, social confidence, and of course, hordes of mad accordion groupies eager to slake your most perverse lusts.

Granted, the comic doesn’t come right out and say that, but I think it’s clearly implied.

Oh, and the highly appropriate link source? None other than Weird Al himself, who has used his own childhood accordion misery to reap fame, fortune, and a closet full of Hawaiian shirts in every color in the rainbow.

And now, for the cuteness content for today’s episode, we present the most adorable owl you have ever seen.

Awww! And I don’t normally find birds all that cute, but anything that small has a massive bonus to its cuteness score, especially when it’s being playful and affectionate.

Now that you have enjoyed that video, check out this one :

Now is it my imagination, or did Barney Rubble just make a dick joke?

It’s hard to tell. You can certainly interpret it that way, and once you do, it’s hard to imagine it any other way.

But it might just be very inept humour. Ha ha, see what I did there? I joked like I had two heads. What a wacky funster.

Finally, a link to a site based on hate, but not of a race, religion, creed, color, or even what lame bands you have in your mp3 player.

It’s a site all about hating on that horrible nightmare of a vehicle, the H2, and is called, lovingly, Fuck You And Your H2.

I have a soft spot for this sort of site, and honestly, the H2 is probably the most retarded nightmare of a clusterfuck of a vehicle ever, so it’s not undeserved.

I particularly like the solicitation of photos of people giving an H2 the finger.

That adds just the right touch of class, you know?

That’s it for this week, fooble followers! Stayed tuned for next week’s episode, where I will attempt to crossbreed an elephant with a Buick Roadmaster.