Feeling sluggish, sleepy, and depressed right now.
Definitely need to stop dicking around in Fallout 76 and make another run for the nuke. Finding new places is getting absurdly hard. To the point where I am seriously considering looking up a complete map of the region online (you know they are out there) just so I can find whatever places I have missed.
Which is cheating. And my rule on cheating in video games is and has always been that I only do it when I am sure I have wrung the last drops of legitimate fun out of a game and cheating is the only way to get whatever is left.
That applies to my current situation.
The other, somewhat similar rule is that I will use cheats to deal with a game being what I consider to be irrationally difficult.
This rule is almost never invoked, though. Too much of a slippery slope, because the line is mighty fine between making the game more reasonable in its challenge level and just compulsively cheating because I’m a giant pussy.
I’m talking a vagina you use as a boathouse.
And that ultimately destroys any true enjoyment of the game. Overcoming difficulties is fun and meaningful and makes you feel good about yourself.
Cheating might be fun for a bit but ultimately ruins the game.
I found that out back in the days of Doom. Found the cheat codes, put on God Mode and Unlimited Ammo, thinking, “wow, this is going to be awesome!”,
And it was. For a little while. But then things were way too easy and I grew disgusted with the game and stopped playing.
Lesson learned. Cheating sucks.
Effort invests activities with meaning. That’s why nothing worth doing comes easy.
It’s not that the universe is some kind of bastard taskmaster demanding way too much effort for minimal rewards.
It’s that if it comes easy, you won’t value it. It won’t have any “worth” to you. You might enjoy it, even have fun doing it, but you will feel empty and depleted when you’re done.
Probably a pretty important life lesson for myself in there. I have been a victim of my own timid avoidance of anything that seems too scary or hard or whatever for a real long time now and the corrosive effects on my self-esteem run pretty damned deep.
I would be far better off if I learned to seek and find challenges I can overcome rather than trying to get by doing only things for which I have ample natural talent.
That’s a pattern I have followed since I was an uber-gifted kid who found most of school absurdly easy and so it was natural to resent the things like gym and arts and crafts that I found so hard.
What was not normal was my flat out refusing to do them. The idea that if I tried hard and stuck with it, they would become easier and more rewarding was alien to me.
I had never done that. Still haven’t, really. So many things come so easily to me. And so many other things, even very normal things most people can easily do, are so hard for me because of my coordination and visual issues.
I should tap into my bloody minded determination and sheer stubborn refusal to know when I should quit to overcome this mental block.
More after the cut.
Robot Wars Part 2 : Sad Trombone
As in this :
I am sitting here burned out and pissed off after a marathon gaming session that lasted over four hours and ended not with a bang or a whimper but the sound effect above.
I am eating my usual type meal of popcorn and trail mix and fruit instead of ordering in because it was 9:30 pm when I shut down Fallout 76 and it would have t0 pm but the time the food arrived and I am eating again at midnight as I hang with Joe and Julian so eating a big meal two hours before that would be silly.
So, a light meal now. Then another later.
I made another run at launching a nuke in Fallout 76 and over four hours I fought like hell through endless waves of robots and annoying puzzles and running out of healing Stimpaks almost right away and getting lost a lot and all the other hardships we gamers endure in order to secure victory only to get fucked over by the game at the very end.
See, when I was around 7/8 of the way through the missile run, two other players joined me. And I was delighted to see them, because I knew from previous runs that the last bit of the mission was crazy hard and complicate and I appreciated the help with it.
So when the two buddies got to the actual launch control room ahead of me, I thought,. no big deal, they’ve earned it. I will just wait my turn.
They launched their nuke. The silo’s calm neutral female voice told me there would now be a period of missile construction. That’s fine, I can wait,
But then she said that everyone would be kicked out of the silo while it happened.
And I was like, what the great and terrible fuck?
And sure enough, it kicked me out. All that effort gone to waste because I wasnice enough to let someone else go first.
So now I dunno. I can do it again once I have recovered, but knowing someone can just take it all away from me by launching first is very dispiriting.
I will probably try again. I am too stubborn to quit now. But if anyone joins during my assault I am going to be very tempted to either quit or wait till the end then do my best to kill their ass.
And I never would attack another player normally. I don’t like PVP at all.
But if it’s you or me, pal, trust me… it ain’t gonna be you.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.