Well, why the heck not? I’ve been irrationally sad for long enough.
Like I have asked for, why do we need a reason to be happy? Why can’t it be our default setting? Our lowest energy state? Why can’t it be unhappiness that bears the burden of proof?
We’re pretty hard on happiness. If a person is overtly happy all the time, at the very least we consider them to be irritating.
At worst, we assume they are retarded. Or insane. Or both.
There is a lot of scientific evidence that it’s those people for whom happiness comes easily and sadness rarely lasts who truly have it made. Not only are they happier, they live longer, they achieve more success, they recover from tragedy faster, and in general pretty much have life’s ass half kicked before they even get out of bed.
It is a highly desirable state. But is it possible to become that way? Or is it more of a “you either got it or you don’t” type situation?
Some say spirituality can lead to this state. And it certainly seems plausible. Surely a belief in an all powerful, all seeing, all knowing being who loves you unconditionally, warts and all, would contribute to one’s sense of wholeness and wellbeing,.
It’s like having the Ultimate Parent backing your every play.
There is the slight problem that no such entity actually exists…. or does it?
I’ve often said that the main problem with deistic religion is that it insists on claiming its god or gods literally exist in external, verifiable reality.
This is understandable. We want to think there really are angels up there, somehow.
But it is ultimately doomed. It sets faith on a fatal collision course with reason both on the higher level, as in logic and science, but also on the lower level where people’s everyday sense of how things work lives.
You don’t need to be Bertrand Russel to realize that if you ask a question and the person replies, “Stop asking that!”, they are full of shit.
It would be far better in the long run to avoid all attempts to ground one’s faith in the material world at all.
A God that only exists in the hearts and minds of human being could still be a force for good and a source of strength, comfort, and joy for billions.
Note I am not saying that this is a fictional god (any more). As a concept, that’s a nonstarter. It cannot work.
What I am saying is that this is a God that only exists, or needs to exist, as a force within the human mind, heart, and soul.
God is as real as love. It too has no existence outside the human soul.
Fuck, that’s not what I was talking about, was it? It was…. um….
Happiness! Right! Why can’t we be happy by default? What is wrong with being happy without justification? What if we just give ourselves full permission to be happy whenever we think we can get away with it? Why…
…ya know what, I think I’ll just continue this in part 2.
More after the break.
The quality of my decisions.…
…tends to be poor.
If stupid is as stupid does. then I does stupid.
I mean, here I am, brain the size of a planet. and yet I languish in ignonimity (sp?) because no matter how insightful and “wise” I am, I keep doing the same dumb shit.
Like tonight. Ordered from White Sport. Got their excellent chicken strips. Could have gotten a salad with it. It was right there on the menu. Either Caesar or Garden. But somehow ended up getting the fries n’ coleslaw instead.
And I sure as fuck don’t need those carbs. Hell, to be honest, I don’t even want them. Fries are increasingly boring to me.
Yet some weird compulsion made me get them. Like at some point. the rule “if there are fries you must get them” formed in my head and locked itself in there tight.
So now I have these ridiculous box of way too many fries. I can’t believe there was a time when that seemed like a normal amount of food to me.
I guess carb addiction is a bitch. It keeps going even when you aren’t even hungry for the god damned things any more.
Gotta get that fix. Sigh.
The thing is. in a tricksy and self-defeating sense, I don’t make a lot of bad decisions, because I don’t do much of anything so it doesn’t feel like I am deciding anything at all.
If you’re just wasting away playing video games all day. it doesn’t seem like you are deciding to do it. You don’t face each day saying, “Of the billions of things I could do today, what am I deciding to do?”
I could never do that. Option paralysis would crush me. So instead, I drift slowly to my piteous doom, just going through the motions day by day, coping the only way I know how and watching as my humble craft drifts inexorably toward the edge of the waterfall.
But if I started rowing, I would have to pick a direction to row.
Besides, part of me wants to go over the edge and finally be done with this farce of a life anyhow. And it knows is that all it has to do is keep interfering with my ability to get my shit together and keep me confused and unsure of myself and it can get that Ultimate Escape it craves without ever presenting an actual suicidal thought.
I never stepped in front of that bus, I just…. couldn’t decide which way to go to get out of the way as it pulled into the station.
Um. Which way do I…. um… splut.
And just like that, it all was over.
Finally, truly and forever over.
I left horrible emotional (and literal) carnage behind, but for me at least, it was all over.
It’s scary how much that appeals to me.
But I will never do it. I could never do that to those who love me.
Besides, I ain’t fuckin’ done yet.
I got too much shit to do to die.
Hell, I haven’t even started yet.
Aaaaaany day now.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.