Having finally finished that damned story with Robolord and Eldrycht, and not having any red hot ideas for stories burning up my cerebellum just yet, I figured it was time to give myself a break and do a chatty blog entry about my so-called “so-called” life.

Had my third therapist’s appointment today. Doctor Costan continues to be the right sort of therapist for me. He asks the intelligent questions that keep me spooling out my guts, so to speak, and lead me to look at things differently and think and feel differently than my usual complex but self-contained brainscape.

That’s pretty much what I am looking for.

He began the session by bidding me to just start talking, something for which I was not at all prepared, but probably did me some good. After all, passivity is one of my major problems, and so having to initiate things with no warning was probably a good exercise in learning to start things myself.

But the thing I had been dreading since this therapy started, but I knew was impossible to avoid, and so I had to just grit my teeth and jump in.

I had to try to explain furry fandom to him.

And social stigma and general weirdness of the subject matter aside, it is just plain a damned complicated and tricky thing to try to explain to anybody who is not a part of it, let alone a person of a previous generation that has heard a lot about the Internet, but has never used it themselves.

The explanation ended up being so complex and intricate, in fact, that I am going to have to continue it when I saw him again Monday morning. Part 2 of a who knows how many part series in which I explain the bizarre semi-imaginary world in which I lived and in which I have lived for the last fifteen years.

If you don’t know what furry fandom is, I am sorry, but I sure as hell am not going to be able to get across to you in this blog entry. Look it up, and be prepared for a lot of sex.

We’re just like that. We’re a highly liberated, sex-positive, open kind of fandom, and that is something mainstream society, or even mainstream Internet society, is just not prepared to handle, and hence, we attract mockers and shockers and other cultural jetsam.

The flotsam is too busy watching Fox to worry about us foxes.

Health wise, it has been a somewhat rough couple of days. I keep getting this sort of deep down ache in my muscles and joints, a sort of burning feeling from deep inside the tissue, and it makes my joints very tanse and cramped feeling. Plus, I have a sinus headache that is making me feel like my teeth are in too tight.

Add in the usual treacherously unpredictable sleepiness and insomnia, and you have a bodily health period marked by intense and prolonged suckage. Hope that shit ends soon.

To a certain extent, exercise provides some relief from the cramped, too-tight feeling. So i have been doing push-ups and arm curls purely for pain relief.

If this is my body’s draconian measure to get me to exercise by making it less painful than the alternative, then bravo, you bastard, it’s working.

But remember, I know where you sleep.

And speaking of sleep, been having some weird kinda dreams lately, the kind that make me say “Holy shit…. that was fucked up!” when I recall them upon waking.

The latest one featured me, I swear to god this is true, creating a copy of myself. I don’t remember why or how, but I do remember it was part of some clever plan of mine to thwart some enemy I had in the dream. But somehow, I had got it into my head that my duplicate would simply fade away when my plan was complete, with no complications.

Nope. And so there was this duplicate version of myself roaming around, and I became increasingly worried that it was “out to get me”. (Talk about self-loathing!)

And I kept saying to people “The problem is that I am very, very sneaky… “, thus making me a dangerous opponent, I suppose.

Then at some point I was confronting my other self, and I said “Maybe you are all the evil in me, and what person hasn’t dreamed of killing all the evil inside them?”

Pretty messed up, but damned interesting too. More so than the usual lost in a weird mall kind of bullshit that I dream.

Well, that’s it from me, folkses. Later!@