Dunno what I have been doing right (and if you know, please tell me) but I actually feel pretty good right now.
Downright chipper, even. Bordering on chirpy.
Who knows, maybe I somehow magically caught up on sleep. Or finally got enough of some obscure micronutrient from the Taco Del Mar taco salad I ate last night.
Or maybe the fates have decided I have suffered enough and released me from my own personal Tartarus so I can finally begin the rise to greatness and glory for which my life so far has been merely the humble beginnings.
It could happen!
Point is, I feel pretty good, and felt it very important to write that down so that I have evidence that I don’t always feel terrible and that I can feel better.
So take that, depression! Fuck you and your lies!
I know that earlier, I had a kind of trapped, frustrated feeling. That all too familiar feeling of being too large an animal in too small a cage, forever pacing back and forth, mind simmering with dark thoughts of stalking and chasing and killing that it doesn’t understand and has no way to express.
There I go with my metaphors again! One of these days I am going to write some kind of epic imagistic tone poem like Ginsberg’s Howl just to get them out of my system.
Anyhow, what made this time feeling that caged predator feeling different was that I asked myself, “Well then, what do I want? What would be the ideal release for this feeling? What is it I am looking for?”.
I had no answer. I didn’t expect to, honestly. That’s the exact sort of thing that I have a lot of trouble addressing and so it was enough to have consciously framed and presented the question in my mind then left it to percolate a while.
I have a few answers now.
Sex being the most obvious one. Fruvy wanna fuck, god dammit, or even better, be fucked. As I slowly unpack and unchain my id, my libido is unshackled as well, despite my antidepressants, and it becomes increasingly apparent that my horny gay bear self wants to roam in search of a mate, or at least some mating.
But my massive social issues and/or social anxiety and/or avoidant personality syndrome make that rather tricky. It’s hard for me to imagine a scenario where I see to my body’s deep (like, at least six inches deep) needs that could survive the test of my really harsh issues.
Like, I don’t even like talking to strangers and get panicky just thinking about introducing myself to a new person. So how do I go about getting to the humping phase of interaction? Via semaphore?
Anonymous and impersonal sex would be one solution…. if the idea of it didn’t make me wanna puke. Sex without connection or intimacy disgusts me. I am not interested.
I want to have sex with people, not parts.
Now it doesn’t have to be a long term connection. In theory, it could be someone I just met if they appeal to me enough.
But the sort of anonymous hookup the hookup apps promote does not appeal to me.
Patient readers already know this, though. Sorry for repeating myself.
More after the break.
Voice on school PA system : Your attention please. The following students are no longer, I repeat, NO LONGER allowed to play the Name Game : Chuck… Mitch… and Zuttfucker. That is all.
+68
In response to this vid :
Oh, I would do so much.
1. Fill the grounds of my mansion with extremely tasteful, very high quality, and incredibly obscene statuary. And topiary. Then offer tours.2. Go to very high class posh events in jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt. Show up in a tux and change in the bathroom if necessary.
3. Two words : themed orgies.
4. Open a hot new nightclub that only lets in people who don’t normally get let in to nightclubs.
5. Put up posters and billboards that say “Today you will get what you deserve!” just to see who they make nervous and who they make happy.
6. Similar to #4, I would start a podcast where I only interview people who aren’t famous.
7. Host a $5000/plate event and serve only things like dollar-store cheese balls, generic sodas, and a Costco sheet cake.
8. Hire a really good gospel choir to repeat what I say in song.
9. Open a zoo where all the animals are hot dudes in body paint. Naked, obviously.
10. Destroy the plutocracy from within. Eventually.
Come on home to Black Hat Breweries and try our new “Comfort Food Ruined” menu, where we take the familiar foods you know and love and ruin them by changing things!
Like the classic grilled cheese sandwich? Well then you won’t like ours, because we replaced the cheddar with some weird European cheese you’ve never heard of and the bread is gluten free!
Love Mom’s homemade spaghetti and meatballs? Then stay the hell out of here, because our version might look familiar but the spaghetti is whole wheat pasta and the meat balls are one of those new meat substitutes… Beyond or Impossible or Unlikely or something stupid like that, I dunno.
How about meatloaf? Yup. we managed to fuck that up too. How, you say? By adding weird spices that sound like something a witch would throw into her cauldron and then committed a further atrocity by adding chopped sardines!
Oh, and in case you thought, “well at least there’s beer”, you’re absolutely right! Because we have 117 fucked up microbrews, all with messed up shit like lavender or blueberries or fairy farts for all I know, just as long as it takes perfectly good beer and adds shit no self-respecting man would want in anythng, let alone his goddamned beer!
So yeah, sure, what the fuck, come on down to Black Hat Breweries and let us traumatize your taste buds and poison precious childhood memories with our inability to serve you some normal fucking food for once!
LOL. Not bad for a rough draft. I should polish it and record it, because that seems like the kind of content that could truly go viral.
It’s the exact kind of thing that addresses a previously untapped vein of discontent and articulates it in a funny and relatable way and is therefore viral gold.
Now I am not nearly as upset as my voiceover guy up there. The phenomenon in question has, at most, caused me to grumble a bit now and then.
But I am absolutely positive that there are a lot of people out there – the “I just want a coffee” set – who feel the same way I do.
I actually think you could make a lot of money with a chain of “normal food” restaurants that just serve absolutely straight down the line North American cuisine.
Wait, I talked about that here before, didn’t i?
Anyhow, enjoy the above. Hope you got a chuckle out of it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.