After talking to you for several hours last night, I came to this conclusion :

You are a lucky, lucky person.

Oh, I know you don’t look at yourself that way, but I assure you, it is true!

I mean, take geography alone.

Here you are, a person living in a small farming town far from the city lights, someone who has never been more than 20 miles from home and who lives in the very house in which he grew up, and indeed was born, and yet you were easily able to assure me that not only was the town you live in the very best town in the very best region on the whole of God’s Green Earth, but that you lived in the nicest part of it with the best people and even the world’s best church bar none.

Imagine! Such luck, to be born in exactly the right place and have the very best of everything in the world right on your doorstep, literally and figuratively. That would be more than enough fortune for anyone!

But of course, your good luck is only beginning! In fact, compared to other factors, this extraordinary piece of luck of being born in, of all the places on the globe, the very very best one, pales into mere serendipity compared to others.

Your racial background, for instance. Through absolutely no effort of your own, you were born into the racial subgroup which just happens to be the clearly and widely acknowledged best one. You are no bigot, of course, and indeed are quite proud of the racial tolerance you have for other, inferior races, and you are quite sure that should a person of another racial makeup ever come to your time, you would treat them with every possible courtesy and respect for the entire time it took to see them on their way again.

That is mighty decent of you, to share your luck like that!

Or your gender. Granted, that was a mere toss of the coin, but still, Lucky Duck that you are, that one came down in your favour too. Yup, yours is the clearly superior gender, and you did not have to even budge one inch to get it.

All this good fortune just rains down on you like golden rain!

Even your profession is clearly the most important, prestigious, and worthy job in the world. I was truly touched by your sincere pity for those forced to labour in other, lesser fields because they were not blessed to be born with both a talent and a liking for the only job truly worth doing, amongst all the hundreds of professions in the world.

Imagine that! Of all the jobs in the world, you just happened to be good at the best one! Truly, nobody else has ever been as lucky as you!

Even your hobbies are, by sheer coincidence, the only truly interesting and illuminating ones in the world. By simply following your natural inclinations, you have spent hours and hours doing exactly the most worthwhile past-times in the whole world.

It’s a wonder other people even bother to try, with you in the world!

And of course, how could I forget your lovely family? The best spouse in the world with whom you have had not one, not two, but three of the absolute best children possible in the whole wide variety of the spectrum of humanity? It truly makes a person sad to think of all the rest of us mere mortals who have to sweat and toil and worry just to achieve a pale shadow of what Lady Luck gives you as a matter of course!

And of course, your politics. Even though you vote exactly how your parents always voted and never even given the slightest thought to the alternatives, you were nevertheless able to assure me, with rock-solid certainty, that your politics represent the only true, worthy, moral path for your country, your region, and your home town, and all others are but misguided mistakes at best and downright malign machinations at worst.

And do I even need to mention your religion? No, I didn’t think so.

So to recap : without having to do a thing, you have the best religion, job, family, politics, home, gender, and everything else in the world, purely by luck.

You are truly the luckiest person alive.

I mean seriously…. what are the odds?