I am one broken down old pony.

So today was busy. I had IV Antibiotics at Ambulatory Care PLUS two at Medical Imaging, all at Richmond General.

Part one of the ominous sounding “Bone Scan” was at 9:30 am. Took place in one of the state of the art imaging bays which do X-rays AND CT scans AND ultrasound and for all I know, MRI too.

So very cool. God damn do I love good technology.

And that went fine. Imaging dude was upbeat and friendly. I can’t imagine being able to be that up all day.

Then I went over to Ambulatory for what seems to have become the daily dose. I don’t mind terribly much. My sad sick little animal appreciates the attention and care. And I like how the nurses and I get to know each other.

It makes me feel included.

Good gods that’s sad.

At Ambulatory, besides the usual IV. Doctor Kwok (AKA Doctor Kwoktapus) took a look at the wound and decided what was going on now was sufficient.

He told me that the swab taken Saturday did not indicate any need to switch antibiotics, which is good.

He wants the bone scan because he’s worried that the infection might have gotten into my bone marrow.

That…. is bad. Very very bad.

Anyhow, that was it for Phase 1. Julian picked me up and we went home.

But I had to do Phase 2 solo, which turned out to be a bad idea.

Getting there by cab was fine. Phase 2 of the bone scan was far more intensive and to be frank rather kinky.

That’s because it required various forms of tying my legs and arms together. All in ways that I could easily escape if I chose, so it only set of the faintest and perfunctory alarm bells in my phobia of being trapped.

Which Google just informed me is called cleithrophobia. Good to know.

It helped that it was a good looking and very pleasant young Asian dude doing it.

That helped a LOT.

So it was mostly just laying still and not moving while the various bits of The Amazing Scantron moved around me.

No big. I have, at all times, a substantial supply of chill on hand. I just mellowed out and let my thoughts wander, serene in a vast equanimity.

I didn’t even feel restless at all until near the end, and I was in that machine in various positions for like 45 minutes.

So then I called a cab to get home, and that’s when things turned dark.

When I went to sit down on a bench to wait for my cab, I felt a force slam me down flat onto the ground like the fist of an angry god.

Apparently, when I was dipping down to sit,. both my knees gave out completely , but that’s not what it felt like.

Luckily I was able to get myself up on the bench. That was not good, I said to myself.

Ha ha ha, that was nothing, says my future self.

When I got out of the cab, I unknowingly got out where the sidewalk dips down to let cars get into the parking structure of my building and so kaboom down I went over onto (luckily) my back.

That spread out the force of my fall enough so that I didn’t get anything more than a couple of minor abrasions from it. But now I was turtled again.

I’d fallen. And I could not get up.

Luckily I was once again rescued by the kindness of strangers. Me and two nice people couldn’t quite make it happen. I needed to be lifted higher.

But then Captain Competence showed up and took over and holy shit was he amazing. He clearly had training because he knew exactly what to do.

He had me grab him under the arm and that gave us enough leverage to get my sad self up onto his feet, then the guided me to the door of my building.

All the while, he is asking direct and pertinent questions and exuding an aura of alpha male strength and authority.

With his help, I got to the elevator, and then got myself into this apartment at last.

Which was NOT easy, I was sore and stiff all over,

But I was home.

The problem is, “Where do we go from here?”

Because clearly I can’t do things solo any more. My last illusions of physical independence have been shattered. I need someone with me in case I fall down and/or get dizzy and then fall down.

I am officially an invalid.

And that means that “I need a helper” shit just got real, dawg. I am going to have to figure out how to hook myself up with some serious help because while Julian is a wonderful person who does all that he can, there’s only so much he can do.

After all, he’s not a professional. Just a wonderfully helpful friend.

I think I need to find a disability advocate. Because while I have been psychologically disabled for a long long time, this physical disability shit is brand new to me.

Gotta be realistic about this shit. No more denial. I am a broken man and my life will get a whole lot better if I start behaving accordingly.

Good bye Healthy-ish Fru, Hello Full Time Patient Fru.

And the dirty little truth is that the sick part of me could not be happier. Look at all the comfort and caring and attention I am getting! Finally, the world sees how sad and broken I am! Now give me all that sweet, sweet comforting.

Oh well. I am going to ask my GP Doctor Chao about getting in touch with agencies that can help me when I talk to him on the phone between 10 and 11 am on Friday.

Now if I could only remember when my IV Antibiotics appointment tomorrow is.

Seems like it fell out of my head when I took that second tumble.

Time to lay this broken bag of bones down and hope that a nice long rest will let me recover enough to be able to get the door when I order in.

Wow. That’s all my words for the day. A rare one part entry.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,