I think I’ll miss walking.
Well okay. I’ll miss being ABLE to walk, at least. The actual walking itself, not so much.
I’ve never been a fan.
But the writing is on the wall. Every day, the time I can spend standing shrinks and the pain I feel when I do grows. You don’t need an advanced degree in n-space mathematics to see where that trend goes.
Before too long, I won’t be able to stand at all and the pain will be constant. I will finally well and truly be a cripple.
The death knell for my locomotion was sounded today when just the trip from the parking lot to the office at Wound Care @ the Community Care Clinic in the elevator damn near killed me.
Turns out that god damned wheelchair is catching up with me a lot faster than I thought it would. My ambulatory days are numbered.
The final world will come when I finally manage to get my busted ass into Urgent Care to get this damned knee looked at. If I am SUPER lucky, these doctors might actually be able to do their jobs and figured out what the problem is.
Maybe even fix it. But one crisis at a time.
It’s a harder question than it seems because a lot of the most likely answers have been checked over and over again at the ER in the last month.
Especially my heart. By now, RGH has enough chest X-rays of me to mount an exhibition. I’m thinking…. fall 2023?
Assuming I am still alive by then, of course.
So what next? Crutches, wheelchair, or cane, just like before. All these options suck in their own very special way.
I want Professor X’s floating wheelchair, damn it. Unless it is powered by his amazing mental powers. In which case it would kind of suck as a wheelchair.
Let Jubilee keep it. Or give it to a Morlock.
Morever, specific mobility issues aside, I will not handle being helpless very well. I have far too high a need for autonomy for that. I will stubbornly insists upon doing things myself until I can’t even rise from the bed any more.
And even then it will drive me nuts. To say am used to doing things by myself would be an understatement. It would be easier to say I am not used to doing almost anything with anybody else.
That could make a transition to a legless life rather tricky.
Although to be honest, and this is staggeringly sad, maybe not as tricky as you might think. Truth is, I don’t use my legs a lot anyhow.
It would mostly complicate my feeding and elimination. Tragic.
Shit. Something just occurred to me. Some of my symptoms match those of low blood pressure. I could have the opposite problem I think I have.
Well, one of them, anyhow.
But over the last month my blood pressure has been tested dozens and dozens of times and it came out as high every single time.
So IDKWTFBBQ. I am going to need to have a deep think about this. It certainly feels a lot more like insufficient bloodflow than excessive, what with bits of me going numb, falling asleep, and tingling.
I will think it over.
More after the break.
And we’re back
Still no idea what could make someone have high AND low blood pressure.
I mean, not at the same time, obviously. That would be too much.
But it gives you the flavour of what I am up against. All my blood pressure readings at the hospital were high. So I must be wrong about having low blood sugar.
Man I wish I had a way to test my blood pressure right now. Break the tie.
Oh well, whatever. I will continue staggering around as I am dragged backwards through the orifices of life, protesting feebly.
There is no rising without pain now. When I am lucky I can skip the dizziness, or at least the worst of it, but there’s is no escaping that bond-grinding pain.
Well, at least, not until I buy more Alleve, anyhow. That seemed to get things under control for a while.
Makes me wonder if the real problem is arthritis. Or some other inflammatory condition.
Today has been reasonably okay, at least after I got home after Wound Care.
Was funny seeing the old familiar Wound Care room after my three week antibiotic treatment vacation at Richmond General.
First thing I noticed was how quiet and peaceful it was. At RGH, even in Ambulatory Services, which has a big steel blast door type thing between it and the rest of the hospital, there’s always a hubbub.
More importantly, hospitals are always full of bad vibes just waiting to pounce on vibe sensitive types like me.
We suck that shit up like a Shop-Vac.
Like I say, I am the world’s only rationalist materialist mystic poet. To an outside observer, my combination of things like science and New Age speak. evolutionary psychology and modern anthropology, and astronomy and astrology might seem contradictory, but it’s all just knowledge to me.
As an intellectual elitist snob. I eschew all those sloppy pseudo-logical shortcuts favoured by the weak-witted masses.
But rest assured, groundlings, it’s not that I think I am BETTER than you.
Perish the thought.
It’s that I know I am SMARTER than you.
And that’s completely different!
My are the words coming hard at the moment. I feel like I have been writing the last 100 words of this thing for the last hour.
Just 65 more words and I can lay back down and rest this benighted knee of mine.
Hopefully tomorrow Julian and I will make it to the Urgent Care place and I can get the ball rolling on fixing THIS crisis.
And while I am out there, I will get more Alleve.
Taking the bone hurty pain away should do wonders for my mood.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.