God, where do I even fuckin’ begin.

Let’s start with the big instigating incident news :

Last night, Joe informed me that he tested positive for Covid.

Which means Julian probably has it too because they sleep in the same bed and he has the exact same symptoms as Joe.

Hopefully, this will amount to just a nasty flu for them like with a lot of other otherwise healthy people who are triple vaxxed.

Get well soon, guys. I miss you aleady.

But that leaves me in a super precarious position because, as patient readers know, I am immunocompromised by my diabetes and therefore that Covid shit could straight up fucking kill me.

Or put me in a hellish existence where I can barely breathe and all my suffocation nightmares are dancing around the dying embers of my remaining sanity as total mortal freak-out level terror destroys my fragile mind.

But ya know. No big whup.

To be honest, I should be getting the fuck out of here. The last place a sickie like me needs to be is on a plague ship like this apartment. If the world were sane and fare, I would go stay in the country for a couple of weeks.

But of course that’s not an option. That shit takes money I don’t got, plus a support system I currently lack.

I have no family connections or powerful, competent friends besides the two I live with.. and they are both sick.

And all this while my legs are dying out from under me. If my legs were working properly, I could at least treat myself to a day out on the town or something. Maybe even see if I can swing a cheap motel room for a few days.

Then again, without my computer, what would I even do with myself?

Kind of a sad statement on my misbegotten lifestyle, really.

But as is, I am just a pussy hair away from being an actual cripple right now, and I can barely get around the apartment let alone around the GVRD.

I was pondering whether I was up to taking a cab to Wound Care tomorrow when I suddenly realized…. they don’t want me there.

I mean, what’s like the second Covid screening question?

“Have you been in close proximity with someone who has tested positive for Covid-19?”

Um, yup. That sounds like me alright.

So I will have to call them up tomorrow morning and give them the bad news.

And that’s just the beginning of the plague of fuckery that has descended on my life like locust drawn to ripe corn.

The other main fuckery hatchery is my decision to go with direct deposit for my monthly checks for my disability.

That means this month’s money is sitting pretty in my bank account as I type these very words, and it sure is safe there, because I can’t get at it either.

Not in any useful way. I can check my balance online but I can’t do anything with it because every single avenue for letting me spend my money online has flamed out on me in its own special way.

Interac Online? Only like 12 banks in Canada support it and Vancity ain’t one of them.

Other forms of online debit card transaction? Apparently, my bank card, which says “debit card” right on it, is not a debit card as far as the internet is concerned.

It doesn’t even have the right number of numbers on it.

Get a prepaid VISA? Oh right, those don’t exist in Canada any more. That’s why I have to keep buying those PayPower cards.

Make my latest PayPower card reloadable? Nuh uh. First it phones me and gives me an access code that will not work. When I submit that code, it then calls me again and gives me a different code. Which also will not work.

Sign up for Koho, which seems like the perfect thing for me? Ha ha ha, no. Instead of asking me for my phone number. it just plucked it out of the ether somewhere, meaning it tries to text my LANDLINE when I try to sign up.

And when I tried to email their support team to find out how to fix that, the email bounced back at me. Meaning the email address they have linked on their website and which is their main way of communicating with consumers does not exist.

I emailed one of the other addresses on the website to tell them,

Otherwise how would they ever know?

I am having trouble believing how hard it is for me to make a connection between the money in my bank account and the rest of the world.

At this point, I might have to go in to the bank and withdraw cash, which would defeat the entire purpose of direct deposit.

But for now, I will keep plugging along, I will keep thinking of new angles and trying them out. Surely somewhere out there in this big crazy world there is some way for me to spend the money in my bank account without it having to become cash first.

I mean, this is 2022 for fuck’s sake. eCommerce is everything! Trillions of dollars change hands electronically every goddamned day! I cannot possibly be the only human being on this planet with this problem.

How do other people solve it?

Does it involve having good credit? Nah, too many people don’t.

I seriously have no idea. Is it that bak accounts are things of the past and I am ridiculously out of date for even having one?

I am serious. I really need someone to clue me in about how use teeming billions are spending all that money on Amazon and SkipTheDishes and such.

Because as far as I can tell, it is god damned impossible.

So to sum up, here I am trapped on a plague ship without the ability to escape or spend my money or even pay Joe his rent.

Ain’t life grand?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.