The sleepiness is back.
Pain in the ass.
Once more I say : this is when I actually miss caffeine.
Specifically, when I have something I want to get done – like blogging – and I’m having to fight to stay awake the whole goddamned time.
That is such a drag.
It’s like I’m wrapped in this heavy, clinging blanket that drags me down and makes it hard to think or concentrate on anything.
Like I always say, I wish I could be all groovy and Zen about the whole thing. Then I could stop fighting myself and just accept this gift of peace and have a nice long nap punctuated by the occasional need to get up and pee.
Some things no amount of mellowing can change.
But no, I am way too feisty for that. I freaking hate this goddamned blanket and fight it as hard as I can just out of sheer orneriness.
Now if only I could use that same combative energy and apply it to things that might get me out of this rotten little hole of mine.
But I suppose that it is always easier to fight to get things back to normal than it is to fight to change them.
I’ve also been going a few rounds with my demon hunger again. My appetite has been revving out of control lately and I know that there is only one way this can end.
Namely with me hunting up my insulin injector and giving myself a fat dose.
Now if I were as capable of rational action as I am of rational thought, I would simply do that right now.
But I’m not. I am, in fact, a foolish person who makes poor life decisions.
So while I know I’ll do it soon, there’s no way I can do it yet.
More after the break.
The accidental vegan : meat and I
As patient readers know, I have a chronic and severe vitamin b12 deficiency due to the utter lack of animal products in my everyday diet.
I only ever eat things like meat and dairy when I eat out or order in.
This is not intentional. I have no objection to the eating of meat and other animal products on any level, for me or for others.
It’s just that I somehow fell out of the habit of eating those things. And I have had the devil’s own time getting back into it.
I was doing somewhat better before my mobility issues became severe. I bought cans of low-effort meat products like soup and chili and lunch meat.
And on a good day I actually ate them.
But my busted legs place a hard limit on how long I spend in the kitchen and the need to transport the food places its own limitations too.
Pretty hard to get a bowl of hot chill to my room via walker.
Not impossible. I would need a Thermos. But tricky.
What I need is some form of b12 rich food that doesn’t require refrigeration and is as user friendly as the trail mixes et al I keep in canisters next to my computer.
Those are very tough specs to meet. There is such a thing as meat snacks, like beef jerky and such, but those wreak havoc on my digestion and are therefore no solution.
There’s cheese snacks too. Those don’t wreck my digestion, but I don’t like eating cheese all by itself.
Maybe Cheez Whiz? It’s fake enough not to require refrigeration and I could see eating it on a cracker or the like.
Looks like I have some research to do.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow .