In keeping with the season, BOO!

Scared you, didn’t I? Feel free to send me your underwear bill. I am starting a collection.

Welcome to Castle Fooblestein, the scariest place in all of Fooblevania, on this, the day before Halloween! Arguably, for us grownups, this is the real Halloween, because most adults will be at work tomorrow and so all the parties had to be on this weekend. Tonight’s your last chance, ghoulies and ghosties and things than go hump in the night… make the most of it!

Now, admittedly, foobles, being lighthearted creatures of silliness and mirth, do not do scary very well. The coffins here are all filled with candy, not corpses, the scariest thing our secret laboratory ever produced was fake blood that is actually a very tasty cherry drink, and our torture chamber contains nothing more painful than some feathers for tickling.

So don’t be surprised if the following foobles do not exactly send a chill up and down your spine.

We tried, we really did!

Like this guy, a victim of the recent floods in Thailand. He is, at best, only a little scary.

As always, click to enlarge.

You have to admire this dude. Sure, he’s in flood water up to his nipples. Sure, he’s already taking an aggressive fashion risk already by choosing to wear a “power purple” shirt. Sure, a lesser man would actually get the fuck out of the water before feeding his nicotine habit.

But god damn it, he has a smoke in this exact spot every single day, and no petty annoyance like massive flooding is going to get in the way of his indomitable will.

I mean, is that thing even lit? I fail to see how it could be, unless he habitually keeps his cigs and his matches in his hair or something. Otherwise, you would think both smokes and fire would be way too wet.

And while I don’t smoke myself, I have known enough smokers to know that, if that cig is wet, our bold hero in solid purple is not exactly sloshing his way through Flavour Country.

But dammit, it’s the principle of the thing. If he gave up his daily smoke just because his matches were wet, his smokes were wet, and there was massive flooding, someone might thing he was less than totally cool.

And that is something that will never, ever happen!

So was that guy scary kids? Or funny? I can’t decide. Let’s ask these two audience members.

Funny it is. At least, those two seem pretty amused.

But how funny? Is it just a little funny, or the sort of thing to have people jumping into the air from the sheer joy of being alive?

Wow, that good, huh? I blush with modesty.

Seriously, though, I absolutely love that picture. There is just so much marvelous eccentricity embodied in the picture that I cannot help but adore it. It just begs you to speculate as to what de fug is going on here.

The desert setting makes me think that maybe Burning Man is somehow involved. And while it is not impossible to deliberately adopt an unnatural pose while flying through the air, his exact stance makes me think that some clever sort Photoshopped something out, like say whatever it is that is holding him up.

Regardless of origin, it is a picture that makes me happy, and I hope it makes you happy too.

As our final fooble for today, I offer you not a picture but a link.

It is a link to a site called Literally Unbelievable, and it is dedicated to those poor, innocent souls who have no idea that The Onion is a satiric, and hence entirely fictional, publication, and who consequently provide public amusement in the form of credulous commentary on that hub of all hubs, Facebook.

Here is a small example.

I feel sort of bad for laughing at this people, because, after all, ignorance is only a crime if it’s willful, and we all had to learn that The Onion was fake at some point, we were not born hip.

But I laugh anyhow, because honestly, you couldn’t tell it was fake from how patently absurd it was? Talk about completely failing the irony test. The evolutionary purpose of a sense of irony and the absurd is to keep you from doing and thinking stupid things.

Yours needs work.

Well, that is it for Castle Fooblestein for this year, kids. Time to go home and empty your pillowcases, plastic jack o’ lantern buckets, and the pockets where you put the really GOOD stuff so you would not have to go looking for it later.

See you next time!