And I ain’t talking about my video game life this time.

Let me tell you about something that happened last week,

It was time to hang out and watch stuff with Le Gang, like we do, and so I got up and went to the kitchen to start making my midnight snack.

As has become my custom, when I got the kitchen, I immediately rested my arms on the counter and my head on my arms in order to secure myself against the wave of dizziness that I was inevitably going to experience.

And sure enough, the dizziness came. Boy, did it come.

It hit me way harder than it has ever hit me before. And not just one wave that hits and then recedes, oh no. This was wave after wave crashing with storm surge force into my head like I had pissed off Poseidon.

They hit me so hard, in fact, that I was battered to the ground, just like I had been assaulted by a physical force.

Luckily, I landed on my butt, which is basically a built in crash pad, and so I didn’t sustain any serious damage except to my pride, which is located in my butt.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s so needy.

So there I was, sitting on my butt on the kitchen floor. As always when I take a fall, I was dazed for a bit, then I tried to get up but could not.

That often happens too. My legs get weak after a fall, like they too are in shock.

Plus, standing up from being seated on the floor of our tiny kitchen is rather complicated and involves doing things I just can’t do, like lift all my weight with one leg for a moment.

So after trying over and over again, with J&J watching over me worriedly and offering to help me up{{1}}, I eventually gave up and crawled on my hands and knees to the living room, where I could use my couch to pull myself up enough to flop over onto said couch in a more or less normal seated position.

This was bad.

I’d never been hit with dizziness that hard before, and I have had a LOT of dizzy spells in my sad life. It was like being beaten down by a giant.

And having to crawl to safety after did not make me feel any better.

But that’s just what my life is like. At any moment, I could suddenly find myself in genuine peril and struggling with some really fucked up shit, and there is not a damned thing I can do about it.

Just now, when I went into the bathroom to take a leak, I was just about to assume the classic male urination posture when I tripped over a bit of my sock that was sticking out and for a horrible moment I was in free fall, arms wobbling in an attempt to keep my balance, and I was sure I was about to take a nasty fall.

Luckily, I had retained enough balance to grab on to the back of the toilet and the side of the vanity, but it was a close call.

Just another life threatening adventure in the life of a 50 year old cripple.

That’s why I feel like one of these days, it’s gonna get me. The disaster I keep narrowly avoiding. Eventually it will happen and I will fall and break a limb or smash my head open on something or otherwise get savagely hurt.

The kind of hurt you don’t come back from. The kind that acts like a big thick black dividing line in your life cutting it forever into “before” and “after”.

I try my best to be careful. But I often have my head in the clouds, and that’s not safe.

One day it’s going to get me.

Until then, I am just biding time.

More after the break.

WARNING : The following is very good, but also very sad.

I luckily would never have that problem because, despite being very shy in many ways, if I am really into someone, my need for them to notice me and hopefully connect wiht them will draw me to them and eventually force me to make contact.

In fact, that’s when my “fuck it” mode kicks in, my shyness completely inverts, and I actually become very bold and make a play for the person’s attention using all my charm and wit and silliness and, of course, my being totes adorable.

If it works, great. If not, I will still feel better for having tried.

I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, even if that love was just a passing fascination with someone.

Of course, that’s me as Fruvous. I dunno if it would work the same here in the real world, where I am not, alas, an incredibly cute and fluffy anthro fox.

But what the hell. I am still funny and adorable and have lots of goofy charm.

So why not go for it?

Now if only RL had the same sort of system as Tapestries where I could look at someone wixxx and instantly know if they are even into dudes.

That would really help break the ice.

I guess in the real world, the only way to do that is to go to gay events and maybe hit on someone there. Odds are, they are at least a possibility.

Or I guess I could use a hookup app. Barf. 🙁

I don’t want to “hook up”. I want to meet people. I’m attracted to people’s personalities and their minds and their souls.

What they look like us barely a consideration.

And I am sure as hell not going to “hook up” with someone based on the 12 extremely banal words they put on their profile.

To hell with that. Give me a reason to think you might be fun to talk to.

And if you have nothing like that to say, then to hell with you.

Move on, sister. Cause I ain’t buyin’.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.