As I have mentioned before in this space, I sometimes have trouble making the transition from “busy getting my food together” mode to “sitting down and making the words come out my fingers” mode when it’s blogging time.
They’re very different modes. It almost feels like they are perpendicular to one another.
Well today I am getting an extra dose of it, it seems, because wow does my brain not want to have to slow down to write right now.
Instead, my brain wants to either go back to sleep or play Baldur’s Gate 3.
Things are picking up in that game. I beat the second of the three Chosen I need to defeat in order to have all three Netherstones (had those once, very painful) so I can finally confront and defeat the big evil brain that wants to conquer and/or destroy the world with its mind control powers.
So ya know…. pretty standard stuff.
The second baddie was an incredibly nasty lady named Orin who was the Chosen of Bhaal, who in this game is the god of murder.
So yeah…. even in a world without Christianity, people can’t stop slagging ancient pre-Christian religions by making their gods evil demons.
And really… a god of murder? That warrants its own god? Kind of suggests that the Forgotten Realms is a pretty horribly violent place, doesn’t it?
Orin was horrible and gross, reveling in blood and gore and stabbing and sliting and the glory of taking a life and so forth, so I was glad to take her out.
And the first one, Ketheric Thorm, was all about the necromancy, so he was gross too.
The last one, Gortash, is just as evil as the other two, but he is the Chosen of the god of tyranny, so it’s at least a clean kind of evil.
Plus he’s more my kind of evil anyhow. Scheming, Machiavellian, manipulative, intelligent, devious, clever enough to try to compromise and subvert the heroes rather than fight them outright.
So still totally evil, but the kind of evil I can respect. Fighting him and his schemes feels like a true “the Doctor versus the Master” kind of battle.
Fighting the other two felt more like pest control.
And I have been gathering allies for the final battle. I just rescued Duke Ravengard, father of my party member Wyll, from an underwater prison called the Iron Throne.
Dude is such a dick that the first thing he says to the son he hasn’t talked to for years and who just saved his life is, “To be rescued by you of all people is a shame I cannot bear! Freed from one Hell only to be placed in another!”.
Or something to that effect.
Luckily, I got that whole thing straightened out. Turns out it was all a big misunderstanding and now Dad and son are reunited.
Still, dude. WTF?
And my current mission is the ultimate recruitment trip because I am going far below the city to enlist the aid of an ancient dragon sleeping there.
As allies go, that would be quite the “get”.
More after the break.
The cost of owning a Fru
It has come to the attention of the leadership here at Fuzzycorp that one of our most popular pet models, the Fruvous, is beginning to garner a reputation as being too expensive to own in the long run.
We, of course, maintain that none of our products, pet or otherwise, are unduly expensive to own and enjoy provided you care for them as specified in the owner’s manual you were issued as part of your initial purchase package.
However, we recognize that this is easier said than done. The Fruvous model in particular has been engineered to be extremely charming and lovable, and this can make it difficult to discipline them when it is needed.
Thus, we are faced with a deluge of reports of health insurance claims related to the Fruvous model, and whilst we bear the financial burden of this phenomenon without complaint, we are most upset to see the emotional toil seeing their beloved Fruvous take ill puts on their owners.
This problem is compounded by the fact that the particular personality matrix used in the Fruvous model, with its emphasis on empathy and understanding, has been shown to have the unintended consequence of making it difficult for the Fruvous model to tell its owner about any health problems.
Hence the rise of the “I had no idea they were even sick until one day they keeled over” narrative. Trust us when we say we find these reports as harrowing and upsetting as you do, and are working hard to come up with an effective workaround.
Until then, all we can do is insist that all Fruvous owners take their pet in for a full set of health diagnostics at least twice a week.
As always, Fuzzycorp will absorb any and all costs associated with these checkups.
Above all, do NOT rely on your Fruvous to self-report any issues. Do not ask them how they are or how they’re feeling or if there is anything wrong and expect an honesty reply.
They will tell you whatever it is they think you want to hear, and they won’t even know they are doing it.
They just want to make you happy, and can’t stand to tell you anything they think will make you less happy, and thus they have trouble sharing unpleasant truths.
In order to mediate this issue, we encourage owners to try to make it clear to their Fruvous that news of them having a health problem will not upset you and that you will, in fact, be glad to help them get better.
There is a small chance this will lead to some Fruvouses inventing fictitious minor ailments in order to please you, but we think you will agree that as problems go, that is vastly preferable to the alternative.
Finally, to answer the implied initial question, yes, owning a Fruvous can be emotionally expensive in the long run.
However, we think most Fruvous owners would agree that the decades of friendly, warm, affectionate, understanding, and adorable companionship one can expect from one’s Fruvous make them far more than worth it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.