Came up with that image last night, shortly after I finished blogging. And in a sure sign of synchronicity, it came out exactly the way I wanted it to on the first try.
That never happens. Stable Diffusion is a finicky beast and anything I generate is usually the product of a lot of fussing, cursing, and tweaking.
And the accidental creation of many visually appalling crimes against nature.
Not this time. That’s me up there, ready to face the world and spread those brand new wings and take to the sky.
And to hell with the rules. Things don’t have to make sense. Logic is an extremely powerful tool but it’s not the only one.
Especially not for an awesome dude like me.
Because face it, I’m amazing. There is truly nobody else in the world like me, and not just in the generic sense that technically, no two snowflakes are exactly the same.
No, I am a one of a kind marvel, with more magic up my sleeve than a dozen Cris Angell’s (sp?) and a never ending supply of out and out miracles.
Yeah, I’ve been sick for a while, and there is no guarantee I won’t get sicker. And my illnesses, both physical and psychological, have kept me out of action for my entire adult life, and that’s a crime.
But I have not been in a coma all these years. I’ve been alive and living and growing and learning and becoming the wonder that I am today.
And I’ve become what I am because all this time. I’ve been getting stronger. Smarter. Deeper. Wiser. Funnier. More charismatic. More empathetic. More charming.
And even more adorable, if that’s possible.
And so by now, I am one powerfully capable dude. I write better fast than most people write slow. My first drafts are so good I don’t even need a second draft. My writing is hilariously funny, according to many, and my dialogue is top notch.
Plus I am pretty sure I can write genuinely heartwarming sentimentality as well as fast paced idea rich science fiction and highly entertaining and provocative op ed stuff.
Basically, I can write anything. Horror, romance, high fantasy, light comedy, biting satire, song lyrics, epic poetry, and dirty limericks.
Just to name a few.
And that’s just my writing skills. I also have a gift for oratory, a charming and beguiling presence, a flashing rapier wit, and of course, a truly breathtakingly epic humility.
So that’s one fewer excuse for staying all cramped up inside myself. I have more than enough power at my fingertips to make a big splash in the big bad world and maybe even make a nice cozy litle niche for myself where I have a personal assistant, a lovely suburban home, and all the male company (in other words, COCK) I want.
The world is out there for the taking whenever I am ready to go get it.
I just have a lot of old fragility and fear to dispose of first.
Time to kick down the doors of Heaven and party till the end of time.
More after the break.
It’s just the weather
I know I’ve linked that before but it is just so fitting.
Because right now, I am feel depressed and dispirited.
I don’t know why, and I don’t care. It’s not important. Whatever kind of chemical fluctuations are dominant in my brain right now are sad ones, and all I can do is try to experience it for what it is.
And do my best not to fight it. Because here’s the thing : being blue is not an emergency. It doesn’t mean something is wrong. You don’t have to swing into action in order to fight it off. It is not an error.
In fact, it may be a perfectly healthy reaction to your situation and/or recent events. It could be that it would be unhealthy NOT to be sad or blue right now.
Or it could just be the god damned weather.
Either way, freaking out over it and/or treating it like it means something has gone terribly wrong only makes things worse.
Furthermore, it’s based on the flawed assumption that you SHOULD be happy. That to be a normal, healthy person means to be happy most of the time, and therefore if you are unhappy for “no reason (sic)”, you must a sick freak.
But nobody is happy all the time. Everyone’s moods swing high and low. Rich or poor, smart or dumb, traditionally beautiful or not, big or small, nobody is happy all the time and it would mean something was terribly wrong if they were.
It’s called mania, and it ain’t pretty.
And the more we accept that we are going to have highs and lows no matter what, the less we will wear ourselves out trying to fight the tide.
Just roll with it, baby. Like the surfers used to say, if it swells, ride it.
Oh, and one last thing : the fact that I feel down now in no way negates the happy confident feelings I had earlier today.
They are both expressions of who I was in that moment. And that means they are equally valid and good.
I am slowly learning to resist the urge to clamp down on my emotions in a futile effort to control them and to instead throw myself wide open to them and feel everything there is for me to feel no matter how rough that might be.
That way, no matter how bad things feel in the moment, when the moment passes, the emotions pass too. If you don’t suppress your emotions by shunting them aside, then they can come and go in a natural, healthy way.
There’s nothing to retain!
That’s how emotions are supposed to work and it’s how they worked when we were children. As we grow, we learn to suppress emotions in order to focus on the task at hand, or control our behaviour, or to deal with a crisis.
And in a healthy human being, that works great. But in a mentally unwell being like myself, that emotional shunting gets used far too much. It becomes one’s primary way to deal with everything, causing those shunted emotions to pile up far, far faster than our subconscious mind can deal with them.
And then we start choking on the backlog. And we become depressed.
For the millionth time, I wish we could just press a button and flush then all. Start over again. Ditch the baggage and make a run for it.
But the only way to get rid of emotions is to feel them.
No matter how much that might hurt.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.
How McDonald’s thinks people play their Monopoly game :
Three possibilities :
1; Instant win
2. Collect and win
3. Input game piece code and win
How people actually play :
Two possibilities :
1. Instant win
2. Fuck it.