My mood has been all over the place today.

One second I am sleepy and languid, the next I am ready to tear out my hair from the feelings of frustration and being stifled, and the next after that, I feel like nothing matters. everything is stupid, and there’s no point to doing anything at all.

I call that last one “teenager mode”. Only thirty five years too late.

I figure I am going through a period of growth and adjustment, and that’s why my mood is unstable. And I can live with that.

I already know than instability is the first price I have to pay in order to get better. I have been way too “stable” for all these sad and sidelined years. So “stable” that I have remained in the same stunted and confused state for more than 25 years.

Stability is only a virtue if your current state is sufficient. If it ain’t, then you need to change, and that means instability.

You can’t get anywhere lying down, after all.

Another price I’ll pay for progress is fear. With instability comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear, at least for me.

And historically, it’s been the fear that has held me back. It is my depression’s primary tool for keeping me under its thumb, and I have grown far too used to treating all my fears, anxieties, and aversions as if they were uncrossable lines that gave me no choice but to live this urban hermit life of mine.

But that’s bullshit. I can cross those lines any time I want. I just have to be willing to put up with the fear that will result.

For too long, I have fallen for the con of my depression saying, “it’s not so bad, look at all the infinite things you still can do! “

And yeah, they are infinite, but only in the sense that there are an infinite number of possible numbers between 0 and 1.

That’s still not nearly enough room for me. I am a great and mighty spirit who has spent far too long chained to this screen bound life of mine, and I need to fly free and make a place for myself in this big ol crazy world.

And I’m working on it.

But that means learning to take care of the needs not just of the mind and the body but those of the heart and the spirit, too. And that means making peace with doing things without necessarily being able to justify or explain them to myself.

The fact that it feels like the right thing to do should be enough. Following my heart is not optional. It has needs that go far deeper than the mind’s fleeting desires.

Who cares if they don’t “make sense”. Making sense like that is a scam and a dodge anyhow. It’s nothing but an attempt to pretend like there is some kind of cosmic purpose from outside the self to what I do.

But there ain’t. I’m a shambling mass of carbon compounds trying to make their happy light turn on just like everybody else.

So fuck making sense, I want to make myself happy instead.

More after the break.

---

Back to the gallery

Time to show off some of the art I have done recently.

As always, we will begin with something wholesome and pure.

Here’s a sweet doggo having cuddle time with his master.

I find it funny and kind of sweet that once I had the ability to summon images with the power of my words, the thing I did most with this power besides porn was to make soft and cuddly scenes of simple animal closeness.

I’m such a sweetie.

Speaking of which…..

Technically, that’s an orc, not a gamma ray monster, but that did not stop me from saving that image as “Hulk loves kitten”.

It’s weird how I can be a coldly logical and pragmatic INTJ one minute and a big gooshy marshmallow of a guy who loves pictures like that the next.

I suppose an unsophisticated onlooker might think I seemed schizophrenic. Which one is the real Fruvous, they would wonder.

All of them, of course. I’m highly multifaceted. A complex individual with a lot of different layers of personality, any of which might catch the light and be visible at any time depending on the situation.

And if I don’t already have one that suits the occasion, I’ll invent one.

Here’s some more of the warm glow of intimacy.

I did a whole series of those. Called them “Campfire Memories”.

I seriously should work for Hallmark. Or their furry equivalent, Scentmark.

Now check this shit out.

I can’t believe I had something to do with making that. It looks like the cover of an issue of Heavy Metal or Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine.

Guess who found the Boris Vallejo filter?

I will now be taking your van art commissions.

Now for something a little spicier.

Hey, it just goes to show that if you give the public what they want, they’re come.

And so will he, but he’s saving that for the big finale.

Of course, it’s not all bright lights and public adulation for Bugs. Sometimes he prefers to just relax and let loose on his farm.

See, on this a-here farm, we just do whatever feels natural.

Sometimes with friends.

Guess who discovered the magic of the word “orgy” in a prompt.

Finally, have you ever wondered what it’d look like if Jack Kirby drew fur porn?

No? Well, here it is anyway.

And now you know what a Kirby penis looks like.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.