Writing this into an LibreOffice document because when we headed out to Doctor Chao’s office, Julian decided our router needed a rest and unplugged it, then forgot to plug it back in when we got back.
So I am slightly annoyed with him. I am pretty sure the router doesn’t actually need the little rest periods he gives it sometimes, but I don’t say anything about it because usually, it’s a harmless thing and if it makes him feel better. who am I to say no?
But the time previous to this, I had to remind him to plug it back in, and let me tell you, when you are relying on ME to remember something for you, you are in dire straits indeed.
I mean, who do you think you are, Mark Knopfler?
And now this time, he forgot, I forgot to remind him (see?), and then he took off to go see Joe in the hospital, leaving me sans internet.
And I didn’t notice at first because I was playing Etherlords 2 and that does not require an internet connection to function.
I mean, the game’s from 2003. There barely was an internet back then. I was organizing the local furry community via email when that game came out, for crying out loud.
Come to think of it, I have no idea how I even heard of the game, let alone where I found it. I can only assume I stumbled across it on some “warez” site and pirated it.
I did a LOT of software piracy back then, as did all of us cool internet residents. I could not afford to buy games, and even if I had the money, I wouldn’t have had access to a credit card to pay for it.
But at some point, I got onto full disability, my income improved, I got a reloadable VISA from my bank. VanCity, and suddenly paying for games became an option.
And I haven’t pirated anything since. Guess I grew up a little.
I’m as surprised as you are.
Now where was I? Oh right, the router.
Julian came home and plugged it in somewhere around when I started on the whole “piracy and me” tangent, so I gotta da interwebs back.
But I am going to keep writing this in LibreOffice because it’s a remarkably comfortable environment in which to string together words.
Partly because it defaults to putting things in Liberation Serif, and I quite like how my words look in that font. Makes what I type seem more important and fancy somehow.
I was annoyed when I tried to play Dragon Age : Inquisition sans internet and it would not load. Because, of course, it can’t run without EA’s stupid online marketplace there to hold its little hand and reassure it that Daddy still loves it.
I have a lot of issues, don’t I?
Did the Wound Care thing. The nurse wants me to moisturize my right foot and it’s not hard to see why. The skin on the sole of my foot looks like dried out pink parchment, or maybe the remains of a particularly gay paper wasp nest.
It’s bad, is what I am saying.
Also did the Friday B12 shot thing. Brought up a weird issue while I was there.
Warning, the following will be gross.
See, lately, this yellowish white greasy substance has been precipitating out of my urine and ending up on the bottom and sides of my pee receptacle.
So I asked him what it was, and he didn’t know, so it’s time for another pee test.
I’m not worried. My urine has always tested well.
More after the break.
All about journaling
Check out this guy’s system.
I enjoyed the heck out of that video. Everything he says makes so much sense and seems like it would really work.
For someone other than me.
Like I said in the comments, I could never be that organized and structured about doing this a-here blog of mine. This thing only works for me because it has no format and therefore I can always write whatever is on my mind when I sit down to blog.
If I tried to go into it with a plan and goals and a specific direction, those would be the things my neurosis latches onto and uses as the nuclei for a whole chain reaction of option paralysis, self-loathing, and ultimately, giving up in frustration.
I am sure his system works for the kind of people who are soothed by rules, structure, limitations, and so forth.
And part of me really wishes I was that kind of person. They seem like they would be so much more effective in life than me.
But that’s not who I am. My muse is willful and defiant and would make me absolutely miserable if I tried to be that structured.
So I will just keep staggering along, trying to figure out how to deal with my volatile and highly reactive muse.
I think learning to take life less seriously will help a lot. Seriousness (or gravity) short circuits me because seriousness raises the takes and what do high stakes lead to?
But you know what? Life’s not that big of a deal. Sure, from a certain narrow POV. it’s the most important thing there is, but any given decision within that POV is honestly not important enough to tie yourself into knots over.
Again, it’s all a product of that post-game analysis. After the decision is made, the slow circuit of the conscious mind has plenty of time to analyze the problem and find what depression really wants : a way it could have been solved better.
And then you kick the shit out of yourself for being an idiot, and the downward spiral of self-excoriation begins, and just like that, you are your own abuser.
But just like with real world abusers, you cannot let yourself be fooled by their justifications into thinking they are right.
Abusers NEED to abuse, and they will find absolutely any excuse to do so, whether it’s legitimate or not. That means they will lie, cheat, manufacture evidence, and do whatever else it takes to make you feel bad and hate yourself.
Don’t believe a word they say. They are thoroughly corrupt and dishonest.
And especially don’t believe their post-game analysis.
They fucking LOVE that.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.