Talked to Doc Costin during Therapy Thursday about a change in medication.
He shot down the idea of an increase in my dose of Wellbutrin. According to him, my daily 300 mg is the ideal dose and the costs (like insomnia and anxiety) of going to 450 mg far outweigh the benefits (more energy).
I had a feeling it was a bad idea but I had to check it with him.
Instead, I am going to finally start reducing my dose of Paxil. It’s something he’s been bugging me to do from time to time for a while now, and I dealt with it via my signature move of agreeing but not actually doing anything about it.
That’s the path of least resistance when you’re Avoidant like me. You don’t have to confront the person by disagreeing with them and telling them you’re not going to do it, but you also don’t positively promise you’ll do it either.
You just agree that it would be a good idea.
Well this time, I am going to go through with it. We will be starting out by my having only 30 mg of Paxil twice a week instead of my usual 40 mg a day, and see how that works out for two or three weeks.
I am honestly kind of excited about the whole thing. I want to have better access to my emotions and Paxil works by damping down your emotions so it is most definitely getting in the way of where I want to be.
Plus Doc Costin says Paxil is an “old” drug with “all kinds of side effects (??)” so he would rather I was on something more modern and safe.
So, rah rah for tapering off. Apparently, and unsurprisingly, just suddenly switching to a different antidepressant is very much not a good idea.
It is, as they say in medicine, contraindicated.
That seems like such a clumsy way to say it, but it’s honestly less clunky than says “known to be a bad idea”, and a lot clearer too.
In Greek penis news, I am investigating a nude patch for Assassin’s Creed : Odyssey so I can wallow in the prurient joy of climbing around a version of Ancient Greece that looks like an all nude remake of 300.
Wouldn’t that be a treat?
This being ancient Greece as well as being a super violent game. most of the people I actually end up fighting are men. Makes sense, most of the them are soldiers
They are also all tan and muscular, which makes sense because why the heck not.
The maker of the nude patch claims he is trying for “realistic” nude models for all the characters, and that means I will be watching for two very important details :
- All the men must be uncircumcised, This is something about which the historical record could not be more clear. The ancient Greeks were utterly horrified by the Egyptian practice of circumcision, and mocked it in their depictions of them by having their crotches adorned with a big X shaped scar.
- Everyone must have buttholes. You would be amazed at how often they get left out. It’s become kind of a “thing” with me. In Skyrim, for example, not even the animals got buttholes. But there’s plenty of food around. Hmmmm. Even mods that explicitly include anal sex somehow manage to skip the actual orifice in question. Like, what the colorectal fuck, man?
That said, the buttholes are not a dealbreaker for me. I will be seriously disappointed but I can live with it.
But if those wangs are shorn then to hell with you people.
Nude patch UNINSTALLED.
More after the break.
The eternal struggle
Once more, I have no appetite, yet I must eat (by Harlan Ellison).
Same as last time, the immediate causes is pooping. I took a dump and it went fine and all but afterward my lower intestines were kind of tied into a knot, which is something I did not notice until I sat up in bed as part of getting out of bed.
I have to get out of bed in stages these days in order to avoid that hellish grinding pain in my upper back that I have mentioned before.
Come to think of it, the rheumatologist asked me about back pain and I was like, “oh, no more so than usual. ”
I try. I really do. I try to answer doctors’ questions thoroughly and accurate and ignore my strong urge to tell authority figures what they want to hear so they will leave me alone and I can scurry back into the shadows.
And yet, I end up not telling them things anyhow. Le sigh.
Anyhow, end bracket end bracket. Point is, I am once more stuck unable to force myself to eat anything more than a tangerine for dinner, meaning I will once more miss a meal, and that frigging sucks.
Especially when that meal is supper, because that’s when I get my Vitamin B12. I guess I’m not going to get any of that today unless maybe I can work it into my midnight snack.
Assuming my appetite shows up for THAT.
I suppose this would be a good time to have those meal replacement shakes or something similar on hand. They are far from perfect but at least I could probably get one down without too much trouble.
One bit of progress : I am going to stop telling myself that, “next time, I will just force myself to eat no matter what!” after these incidents.
Because no I won’t. When I get like this, there is no negotiating with my stomach. Something is stopped up in the area right behind my navel and my body is very firm about not accepting any serious input at this point.
I could have the finest meal in all of creation handed to me on the proverbial silver platter right now, and I would still be unable to so much as look at it.
Why does my life have to be so fucked up?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.