I think my condition is getting worse. But it’s hard to tell.
Today’s trip to Wound Care was really rough. I barely made it from the car to the waiting area of the CCC (Community Care Clinic).
The second I was on my feet, I was exhausted and weak. It reminded me of the bad old days before my hospital stay of July 2022 when my legs were getting weaker and weaker and less flexible and harder to coordinate.
Back then, I didn’t have a walker, so the trip from the Joemobile to the CCC was excruciating. Many times, i thought I would not make it. By the time I made it to the waiting area, I was red-faced and sweaty and short of breath.
And yet, it took waking up to find my legs just plain would not support my weight at all before it occurred to me to do anything about it.
Sometimes I look back at past me and I am agog with confusion and horror. What the hell was wrong with me that instead of seeing someone about my leg degradation, I just treated it like it was normal and kept motoring along?
Maybe that’s the problem : I just keep going. There is a fundamental restlessness at the core of my being that insists that I keep moving and grooving no matter what, hungry like a shark for mental stimulation and never truly coming to a rest.
That’s kinda fucked up.
Also, before we leave the topic, I need to once more apologize to all my friends for putting them through the nightmare horror show that was watching me develop enormous infections (cellulitis), slowly lose my ability to walk, and acting like it was all perfectly normal and no big deal.
I’m over that now, I think. But I still feel bad about what I put you through. Sorry.
Anyhow, on to my current degradation.
The trip from the CCC back to the car was pretty bad too. Not as bad as the first trip as my muscles had warmed up somewhat but I still felt quite wobbly and weak, and experienced great relief when I finally sat down in the car.
Pretty bad, huh? Probably a good reason to go see Doctor Chao again. Well, that and my recent attack of sleep incontinence.
I could also take it to Urgent Care or the ER. Insert standard whining about not wanting to go here. They both suck enough to make making an appointment with Doctor Chao seem like an appealing alternative.
But I know that there will probably be at least a week’s delay before Chao can see me. Possibly more. Like all GP’s, he’s becoming super busy as the Boomer bulge hits their most medically demanding years – the last ones.
Plus my faith in Doctor Chao has taken some big hits. It’s clear to me that he is not capable of sticking with a problem like my muscular deterioration until he actually comes up with a diagnosis.
With him, it’s out of sight, out of mind. I only exist to him when I am talking to him, in person or on the phone, and so if I am not there demanding answers, I might as well have dropped off the face of the Earth.
Silly me, I thought the doctor’s job was to do whatever it takes to heal people. I never knew there was a “unless I run out of inspiration and can’t think of a possible diagnosis in which case fuck it” clause.
Not that I’m bitter.
I swear, if I end up in a wheelchair, I’m going to sue that man.
More after the break.
Intermission : Funny bunny comics!
Some of these are absolutely brilliant!
I love seeing things like this. They remind me that bright young minds can keep advancing the art of comedy long after I am dead.
When you get old, it’s easy to get jaded. But stuff like these comics cut through that. And that gives a grizzled old coot like me hope. Hope that I can avoid ending up hating everything because nothing makes me laugh any more.
Keep up the good work, kids.
It gets worse
Not only was today’s trip to Wound Care especially rough on me, but now I feel like I received a light but thorough beating as I am stiff and sore all over and even just getting up to refill my water glass can make me groan.
Luckily, an Aleve seems to have done some good.
But I am officially quite worried now. This is not normal for me. I have definitely become more disabled. I am going to have to seriously consider the ER.
Or Urgent Care. *sigh* I really should relax about that place. Yeah, it somewhat sucked before they opened the second one, but I understand it’s a lot better now.
But anyhow, I am going to see how I feel over the next 24 hours or so. If I continue to feel all beaten up, I will have to go to UC or the ER.
God, I wish my tablet worked.
But it’s almost totally dead now. Even on the rare occasions when I can get it to charge at all, the moment I start actually doing anything the charge falls back to 1 percent and then the whole thing shuts down.
That means I am going to have to prioritize getting a new battery for it. And that will cost me something like $35. I was also going to try to get a shower chair with next month’s money, but who knows, the Occupational Therapist who is going to visit on the 21st might have the power to get the government to buy me one.
And that would be nice.
Since hooking up with my case supervisor Galina (the lady who visited a while back), things are, amazingly, actually happening for me.
And so far, all I have to do is show up for stuff.
This is ideal.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.