I’ve been quite sick for the last 16 hours or so
I’ve felt nauseous and sweaty and dehydrated and very. very ill. I’ve not been able to eat or sleep and the contents of my lower intestines have been pulverized and liquefied thus have not been staying in.
I have pooped the bed at least half a dozens times. And it is definitely not normal feces. It’s that pale and sickly poop the color of sand that is almost completely soft and it has turned all my farts into sharts.
It got all over my poor blanket. Damn thing seriously needs to be laundered now, I am pretty sure that what is on there will wash out fairly easily, but it’s still pretty bad.
My current state of dishabile is really the culmination of days of feeling increasingly unwell. Looking back, I wish I had been more on the ball so that I could have gotten out ahead of this problem instead of more or less stumbling sideways into the deep end.
All my symptoms fall under the general umbrella of IBS. I think I have some sort of timeline established in my head because I know I was fine when I ate my McD’s last night, and I know I was in South Central Hell by midnight. so presumably things went awry somewhere in between.
Of course, this shit feeds on itself. Feeling very ill makes it nearly impossible for me to eat which means I get sicker and sicker as my blood sugar drops, and so on.
Coming up with the words is not easy right now. My brain does not want to work to express itself right now. It would rather I somehow withdrew entirely from reality so that I could wait until the issues clear up on their own.
But there is no guarantee that they will.
I’ve tried eating a little bit of trail mix but my stomach did not like that. Made me feel like I’d swallowed a handful of hot gravel. Not good.
I need some softer, easier, friendlier foods that go down and stay down easy. That way I can get some solid nutrition into me and maybe get things moving in the right direction.
That would sure be nice.
I’ve got to remember to refill my water before I run out completely. That’s the only way I will be able to stay out of the pits of dehydration, and let me tell you, those pits suck.
The idea of going to the ER or UC has flitted through my mind a few times, when I felt particularly bad. Right now, there’s nobody home but me, so I would pretty much have call 911 to get there.
And I don’t think my problem is serious enough for that.
Although honestly, being put on IV fluids would probably do me a world of good. It would get me some direct hydration, without having to involve my shaky digestive tract at all, and that would probably do me a lot of good.
What really appeals to me is being able to go to the ER and just let them take care of everything. Here I am, ready for you to repair me and hopefully take me out of this very unfortunate state of being,
Of course, that assumes I can trust the nurses to be competent, on the ball, and focused, and that sort of trust is quite tricky for me.
I shouldn’t need to feel like I am my own case manager when I am under the care of the medical establishment. I should be able to relax and trust
But I can’t
I will talk to you nice people after this.
More after the break.
Grits and gravy
That’s basically been what has been coming out of me/
The gravy portion is a mostly translucent liquid that I assume is normally just one constituent element of fecal matter but that because of how very disordered my digestion is right now it’s appearing on its own in some godawful form.
This substance is both slick and gritty. The total output is a combination of the thin slick fluid mentioned above and a gritty almost gravel-like substance which seems to me to be made of the hulls from all the popcorn I eat.
So it’s a matter of extremes. A very thin, loose fluid and its opposite.
And that’s what just keeps coming out of me. As a result, this substance is all over my bed despite my vigorous attempts to contain it.
It is a terrible thing to feel a feces adjacent substance sliding right out of you with no chance of stopping it.
It makes me feel so helpless.
Luckily, our mystery substance doesn’t have much of an odor. So it is not, in fact. feces, at least not in any meaningful sense. It’s not entirely odorless. mind you : it has a vaguely burned odor. making me wonder if somehow I have swallowed a fair bit of hair and it’s passing through me in my “grit”.
I am doing what I can to make myself at least drink water. Trying to work my way up to eating some actual food but it’s quite rough.
My stupid body doesn’t like even the concept of food right now.
Like, putting stuff in my face where I chew and swallow it and eventually it gets torn apart and turned into part of me…
Like, what’s with that?
I think that my digestion is slowly returning to normal. Dunno what made it go completely berserk and drag me through Hell but it seems to be over. I gues
I guess I probably won’t end up in the ER or UC. It looked pretty bad there for a while but hopefully things will go back to normal now.
Making the words come out is very hard right now. It’s very difficult to express my thoughts on a cogent and coherent form.
I keep having to type words over and over until they come out right.
It’s very irritating.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.