I decided to steal some today.
Like I say in the vid, I just wanted to make sure I had that ability.
I might use it for compilation videos, though I would be more likely to do compilations of bits from my own videos and I don’t have to download those = they’re already here.
Funny how that works.
But doing my own funny take on the news type show is a real possibility. Especially if I fail to get that Onion job.
What the hell, I’m funny with or without them. (But please, please hire me. )
I’m annoyed with myself that I haven’t sent my application in yet. I suppose I am hesitating out of fear, at least in part.
Which is silly. Worst thing that can happen is they say no, which is probable. I will presumably be up against thousands of other applicants.
But I’ve got to take my shot.
After all, I’m hilarious.
And that $100K/year CND sounds awfully good.
But my own funny hot take type show would be good too. And pretty easy to produce over all, really.
The “desk joke” format is pretty easy to put together. Clip, riff, repeat. The news clip is the setup and you just need to provide the punchline, more or less.
Pulling off a “newsroom” look would require a little work. For one thing, I would have to come up with some way to look at least a little respectable.
My usual array of T-shirts don’t exactly scream “news anchor”.
Then again, maybe I could make that work for me. Instead of trying to come across as a news anchor, just go with my strengths as just some guy on the internet.
After all, the real product is my sharp and incisive wit. Trying to come across as a parody of a news anchor would be the traditional way to do satirical news, but at the same time it’s kinda old n’ busted now.
And since when have I been traditional?
So who knows. Maybe I’d use a persona closer to my real self, a sort of every-nerd maybe, or heck, your next door neighbor sitting on his couch with a beer.
Or just be myself. What a radical idea.
“And now, with the news, we have… me!”
Hmmm. Dunno if I could pull it off.
It would also, of course, be a vehicle for my politics. You can’t really do political satire without a political POV, especially these days when even simply reporting the facts in a neutral and objective way fit for the BBC World News is seen as biased.
So fuck it. I’m biased. I’m a bleeding heart liberal socialist commie cucktard faggot and I am proud of it.
Now what are you going to do?
I’m your worst nightmare, fuckheads.
And given the dire times we live in, I’m not inclined to hold my tongue about anything.
It’s the sort of format I could live with. Generally speaking, I am quite format averse as, for me, what it essential is that I express myself and formats demand doing what they demand instead, and I ain’t about that.
But riffing on the news would provide a fair bit of variety, and I can pick and choose what news stories to riff on, so I could probably live with that.
My format is “whatever I have the funniest jokes about”. Or somesuch.
I wonder what the legalities of using news clips is. Clearly it’s allowed in some circumstances. But would I need a corporation to back me?
Or would I use bad re-enactments of the clips instead?
And what about just using the audio? The whole thing could be a podcast.
Or I could add a phone filter and pretend I’m on the phone with famous people.
I’ve got a lot of ideas.
More after the break.
The die is cast
Welp, I did it. I have applied to write for the Onion. I think.
They have my hilarious and charming cover letter, and my equally uproarious and engaging resume, at least.
But the website never asked me for my 30 headlines, so they continue to lie in wait.
Oh well, gives me more chance to work on them, anyhow.
I imagine that there was no place for my headlines because I was applying through some job website called Gusto (ick) and nobody at Gusto (ick) knew they needed such a thing so they just slapped together the most basic page possible (name, cover letter PDF submit, resume PDF submit) and called it a day.
I guess if the Onion likes those, they’ll ask for the headlines?
I, of course, went all out with them. If I get rejected by the Onion (which is probable), I will post them here for you, my gold plated fans, to enjoy.
But I really packed them with my signature wacky wit, and I have a feeling that the Onion and I might have a similar sense of humour, as this is their LinkedIn profile :
The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.
Yup. These are totally my kind of people. My cover letter and resume should fight right in to their editorial milieu.
There is, of course, still the question of whether I would have to relocate. Which of course I am willing to do, but boy would I rather not.
I’m lucky enough to already be outside Trump’s America. And I have already escaped the United States twice.
What are the odds I will make it out now, when the border guards might actually be awake and paying attention?
Then again, what’s the worst they can do? Deport me the 100 feet to the Canadian border? Oh darn.
I wonder if the Onion would arrange a work visa for me?
But I am, perhaps, getting way ahead of myself.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.