So I wrote another song.
It’s soft and sweet and a little weird, just like me.
I don’t think I can explain or justify the lyrics except that I was going for a kind of Leonard Cohen in a gentle mood kind of feel.
To me, it’s a song about two lovers playing around with one another being goofy and talking about this and that and just enjoying one another’s company.
In a broader sense, it’s about the deep, quiet pleasure of being with the one you love.
In my case, that means someone you can be weird and wacky and warm with.
It all makes sense to me, anyhow.
It occurred to me earlier today that I could use Riffusion to make a children’s song. So now the back of my brain is working on what sort of song I would write.
Something gentle and warm and maybe slightly naughty, just to give the kids a little giggle. Something to maybe help lonely kids feel less alone.
Originally that was my vision for a children’s book but a song sounds way easier to put together thanks to Riffusion.
I wonder if this is how famous lyricists like Tim Rice feel, because to get away with only having to write the words feels downright scandalous to me.
Like I am really getting away with something outrageous.
I quite like that feeling.
Of course, if I was to try my hand at a children’s song, I would put it in its own channel far away from my usual YouTube output.
Not that I talk about anything smutty on my main channel or anything, but I would absolutely insist anything I do for children be in its own little walled off world so both the kiddies and their caretakers feel safe there.
I don’t want some kid going from one of my nice safe kiddie songs to one of my foul mouthed rants against Vladimir Putin, or whatever.
Hmm. Maybe I could write something about an adorable magical pet. Kind of like Puff the Magic Dragon, but without the bummer ending.
Because my song would be an actual children’s song, not something written by spoiled boomers who miss their childhood.
Not that I’m bitter.
Hell, while I’m at it, maybe I could reform that god damned unicorn song.
It’s a sweet, charming song for the wee ones about how there’s no unicorns any more because they were too stupid to go on the Ark so all drowned.
Yes, children, they swam and swam until they were too tired to swim any more and then their proud and noble heads slipped beneath the waves and they DIED.
As did every single other living thing on Earth! All the kittycats and puppy dogs and big strong horses and giraffes and lions and of course, also all the mommies and daddies and children and babies and literally everything else that lived.
But that part is the Bible’s fault, not the Irish Rovers.
And I think the worst part of being bombarded by that song everywhere when I was a child was that I seemed to be the only one who noticed how horrifying a tale it told.
To this day, I don’t get how people can miss that. I mean, sure, the whole thing sounds all sweet and folksy and child friendly but the implications are brutal.
And the fact that I was the only child who understood that feels emblematic of some fundamental disconnect between me and any chance of being a normal child.
Without the rape I might have been a far healthier child, but normal was never in the cards for lil ol me.
More after the break.
The nature of the leak
I think I’m leaking prostate fluid.
That’s my conclusion after realizing that the inside of my foreskin is constantly wet and what I thought was a small amount of urine dripping from me like a very slow faucet leak was in fact something that was clear, oily, and a little sticky.
And when I try to masturbate, a great deal more of this fluid comes out.
And I have pondered what it might be and I came (snrk) to the conclusion that it must be the fluid secreted by my prostate gland.
In a normal ejaculation, this fluid is combined with sperm from the testicles in order to form semen as we all know and love it.
It definitely should not be leaking out on its own.
I wish I had realized this before I had my talk with Doctor Kwok. This seems like ther exact kind of thing my GP (or his locum) should know about.
Also, I just came home from our usual Denny’s night out, and while there I found that I had started to shiver.
And it did not feel like a healthy kind of shivering. It felt more like the “I’ve caught the chills” kind of shiver. The kind you feel all the way into your very soul.
Then I noticed I felt weirdly hot and cold all over. Too warm in some places and too cold in others. And overall I have that feeling of malaise I’ve talk about before.
So I am not feeling well right now.
I will see how I feel after a nap. Earlier today, I was quite sleepy, but I had no other symptoms so I assumed it was just me needing to catch up on sleep.
Now I’m not so sure.
I still feel hot and cold all over. I’m not shivering but I feel like I could start at any moment. I feel vulnerable and cranky and a little paranoid.
I know I need to figure out what to do about the prostate thing.
At the very least, I know this is one thing I can’t blame on dehydration, though I suppose it might contribute to it.
God, getting old sucks.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.