I’m rather proud of that little joke.
Here it is again as a title :
Yeah, another “Fruvous talks” video. Ho hum.
Actually, though, that might be about to end. I am working up the decisiveness to give the good folks at Descript $35 (!) for a month of their low tier service so I can not only continue to edit video by editing the transcript, but access their potentially enormously game changing “adding images and clips to your video” feature which would instantly boost my content into something vaguely professional looking.
That’s the sort of thing that would get me to promote my content more.
The thing is, my kind of talky talk content is the norm over on TikTok. So to be honest, over there, my excuse of too poor production values to promote doesn’t hold water.
But I barely have a concept on how to promote a YouTube channel. I have less thanno idea how one promotes one’s TikTok.
I just make the best content I can and hope that is enough.
Which sounds desperately naïve of me, I know. I am not claiming to have faith that it will all work out okay some day like in some “rise to fame” biography.
“All Johnny knew how to do was whack himself in the nuts with a spatula, but damn if he wasn’t the best nutwhacker on the West Coast. Luckily for him, one day a scout from Testicular Torture magazine happened by… ”
It’s just all I can do for now.
Promotion has always been the Achilles heel of sensitive artist types like myself. That’s why agents exist. Rarely do the skillsets for artistic creation and self-promotion overlap.
At least I am at the point where I consider at least some of my content worth people’s time. So that barrier, lack of belief in my own work, is at least partially down.
I want to do one hell of a lot better, but it will take time for me to get there, and in the meantime, I’m making some halfways decent stuff.
A small victory on the gaming front : I am tentatively optimistic that between me lowering my graphics setting to their lowest possible level and the recent deluge of updates to the game, I have solved the crashing problem with that game Rogue Trader and I can finally play it again.
Which is a little awkward in the middle of my search for a game to replace Elex. Turns out the game I was looking for was right here all along!
Steam has its Summer Sale going and that means there are some outrageously good deals on games I want and I have $30 saved up in my Steam Wallet so I am very tempted to go on a very uncharacteristic shopping spree.
But I know better. The last thing I need is self-induced option paralysis from having too many games active at once. That’s why I usually only have two or maybe three games on the go at one time.
It’s so weird being me. I have such abstruse needs.
I will probably buy one (1) game from the sale, like Palworld or Atlyss, and see how much I like it, and if it’s a keeper, that will be it.
If not, I move on.
Of course, what I really want is that new power supply. But I am doing the mature thing and spending that money on potential artistic avenues like Descript instead.
Things that might, in some far flung future, lead to me actually earning money.
Or at least making some truly kick ass content.
I’d settle for that if I had to.
More after the break.
That big ego thing
Guess it’s time to take another stab at this one.
Let’s start at the ground floor : I’ve always been extremely gifted and yet I have never had very much self-esteem.
Somehow the two things never connected. I’ve always taken being academically brilliant for granted because it has always been there. From that very first day of them testing me for kindergarten, school consisted, in my subjective experience, of adults asking me to do things I found incredibly easy to do.
And that’s never changed. Things never got much harder for me. They became more work when I had to write essays and such but that just made them better exercise for my mind, it didn’t make them any harder.
Anyhow, blah blah blah. I keep going on about my amazingness precisely because I am trying to wrap my head around it and integrate it into my self-image and keep it from being devoured by my inner darkness again.
Heck, it took me many years to get over the idea that my gifts somehow “don’t count”. That all they did was make my clinging to the bottom rung of society all the more pathetic and unjustified. That all they meant was that I was once more “wasting my potential” on a nearly Biblical scale.
And I mean, yeah. That.
But not ONLY that.
That was the anhedonia insanity talking. It was filtering out all possible good parts of a complex and in many ways astounding thing leaving only the bad.
And now I work hard at getting over that.
Lately I keep imagining my potential ego as a balloon to be filled with hot air from the flames deep inside me.
A literally inflated ego. Ba dump bump.
I keep trying to filled that hot air balloon to get it to float and carry me up to someplace stable and confident and sane, and it keeps not working. It goes right back out again.
But I am getting closer and closer, I can tell. Each time, it holds a little bit more air and for a little bit longer. I can feel it tugging me upwards sometimes and it feels pretty good.
Some day, between adding left and jettisoning dead weight, I will actually achieve liftoff, and then who knows where I’ll end up?
Should be quite the adventure.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.