Was clever and did my daily video making via TikTok while I was out n’ about today and thus saved myself a fuckload of stress and pressure when I got home because otherwise I would have had to rush a video into existence when I got home at 3:45 pm.
Hence the unusual environs and atmosphere of this quotidian little vid of mine:
What can I say, the world has room for personal journalism too. Consider me to be a modern day diarist like Samuel Pepys.
Some day children will study these videos in order to learn the life history of the man whose brilliantly articulated vision for the future reshaped society into the peaceful, prosperous, productive paradise it is today.
What? It could happen.
My skin, sadly, continues to peel. And I continue to peel off the layers of mysteriously non-detaching skin cells and, warning this is gross, keep the bit of my skin I remove in a neat little pile on my desk here.
I don’t know why I feel compelled to do this. There’s definitely some very weird and not entirely sane wiring in my head involved. The sane and sanitary thing to do with the skin would be to dump it directly into the composting or even flush it down the toilet but some loose screw in my brain makes me want to… keep it where I can see it, kinda?
Like if I just threw the loose skin away I would be losing a part of myself. Which makes me feel like a little kid who doesn’t want the hairdresser to cut his hair because he thinks it will hurt just like cutting off any other part of the body.
Eventually I will throw the damned things away. Right now I am indulging this bizarre compulsion because I have no reason not to do so and I have learned that you have to pick your battles when it comes to fighting your insanity and this definitely is not the kind of hill I want to die on.
I will conserve my mental resources on this matter so that I can better concentrate them in my campaign to free myself from my self-imprisonment.
Unrelatedly, I continue to drift off to sleep unintentionally sometimes. I am beginning to wonder if this is a contagious tendency because it always gets much worse while I am at Kinsmen and immediately after.
No matter what the source of it is, it’s annoying. Bordering on downright rude when it happens around other people. Like you’re saying they are boring.
“Forgive me, but your company is not preferable to sleep. Make of that what you will. ”
Don’t take it personally, folks. I’m just old for my age.
Lately, when I am at the Kinsmen, I find myself wondering what it would be like to be a resident in an old folks’ home – sorry, “retirement community”.
Not that I think I will be eligible or ready for one any time soon. This is speculation, not planning. But I do wonder what will become of me if/when I become further disabled.
From an entirely self-centered oral retentive point of view, it could be very nice to live somewhere where everything like cooking and cleaning and so on are taken care of for me. Part of me thinks that sound perfect.
I do not like that part of me. I wish it would just die. It represents the dark side of indolence and that ultimately leads to not wanting to bother being alive any more.
No thank you. I want to live.
More after the break.
Screen of Green
I am pondering getting a greenscreen.
A real one, with a stand, and that rolls up when not in use, and so on.
Not like that sheet I stupidly bought way back in our Nerdvana days because I naively thought sticking it to the wall would be no big deal.
It was a very big deal. Too big for me, that’s for sure.
So no, I would be getting a proper greenscreen in order to open the door to doing videos with much higher production values as well as it just being a fun thing to play around with in general.
But I need to be honest with myself. Given my track record, there’s a fairly high chance that I will get it, play around with it a bunch, get bored when it starts to be complicated or difficult, and give up on it forever.
That’s not what I want to do or plan to do but it’s what tends to happen.
Luckily it need not be a major investment of cash. I can get a good one on Amazon for something between $30 and $60, which is not nothing at all but if it does get shoved aside and never ever used again I won’t be out that much money.
Going into it knowing how I am with these things, I will have to be ready for learning to use it being difficult and frustrating and not at all fun at first and so I will want to play with it like a toy, but it’s not a toy, it’s something I actually want to use.
Oh, and of course, there would be logistical issues regarding where the heck I would set it up and so on.
At least I have an idea of what I want to do with it : one person skits like the ones my hero Ryan George does.
Or just my usual “me talking to the viewer” vids, but in OUTER SPACE!
Any way you slice it, it would at least give me something to do with myself when I am not making a vid or blogging.
I’m at a crucial crossroads where I am realizing that playing video games all the time is something I can do and am used to doing but that doesn’t mean it’s what I want to do.
I am increasingly feeling like I am just killing time with games until its time to make a vid or blog, and that makes no sense.
Why not doing something I will enjoy more? Something creative and productive?
Why not have more fun?
Something to think about while I play video games.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.