I actually remembered to record my vid du jour when I had some downtime before Wound Care instead of mindlessly playing games on my phone then having to come up with a vid when I got home.
This is the result :
Not exactly my most breathtakingly brilliant or soul searingly insightful work, but what the hell, sometimes I plumb my soul for gold and sometimes I just vlog.
What can I say, I am capable of anything and you can never tell what I will say.
To some people, I suppose, that makes me chaotic and unpredictable.
To me, it just makes me interesting.
You already know how my day has gone. Right now, I have come home from Wound Care, pooped, napped, then woken up around 5 pm to get this all rolling again.
It’s been a very busy day by my standards. I feel pretty tired and a bit sore like I always do on Tuesday. But in a pleasant way.
I feel like I have actually done something for a change, and that feels very good.
And it’s always gratifying to have hung out with Lynda and Judy and Lea and John without feeling alienated or alienating.
Turns out I can totally get along with normal people if my anxiety isn’t screaming in my ear and making it hard to think.
I wish I had Xanax back when I was at VFS. I am sure people would have loved me then and been happy to recommend me to jobs.
Oh well. The thing about the past is that it passed. It’s gone, over, finished. It is eternally immutable and can never be changed.
All my profs at VFS screwed me over and there’s nothing I can do about that.
I wonder if at least Rick Drew stood up for me. He seemed to like me.
Anyhow, the sun has started to go down and that means I am feeling sleepy in a strange, slightly spooky kind of way.
I think I may be starting to “sundown”. Actually, I think it’s been happening for a while and I only just became conscious of it.
And I know calling it “sundowning” is me being totally overwrought and histrionic. Actual sundowning only happens to people with dementia and I am nowhere near that yet.
I am, at most, becoming slightly more absentminded. And I am having the usual age related “senior moments” when something I am trying to think of just vanishes from my mind like a rather shitty magic trick.
I am no more demented than I have ever been. Mua ha ha ha ha.
I have just noticed this mood shift that occurs once twilight begins. I start to feel sort of cold and insular and withdrawn, and like all I want to do is sleep.
I think part of me wants to hibernate.
Well too bad! There’s stuff to do and fun to be had. I am trying hard to go in the opposite direction and become more awake and involved with life, not less.
I’m working on it.
I have only just gotten to a place where I don’t nap as much. I am in the process of breaking myself of the habit of seeking to “hide” from life in sleep whenever my incredibly low impact life becomes too much for me.
I don’t have to do that. If I fail to snooze as much, all that happens is that my body reaches a little deeper into my personal energy supply to keep me up, and I end up sleeping later on.
Ideally, I will get to the point where I sleep eight hours a night like a normal person, but I don’t see that happening real soon.
And some people think that a nap during the day is actually good for us, so there’s that.
And now, I will indeed nap as I have had a long (for me) day.
More after the break.
I took that nap
I took the above mentioned nap and yet, somehow, I am still sleepy.
And cold. Around 8:30 pm, this chill started creeping in on me and I have been feeling distinctly refrigerated ever since.
The most obvious explanation is, of course, that it’s cold in here. By 8:30 pm the sun was mostly down and so the temp dropped outside and this bedroom of mine is not quite thermally sealed, so the temp difference between inside and outside air sought some kind of equilibrium and that sucked some heat out of the room.
I know that’s a more scientifically elaborate explanation than necessary. I could have said “Cold out thar means cold in hyar” or the like.
But I enjoy doing the sciencing, so humour me.
If so, I may have to fire up that fan heater I got last Spring to keep me warm.
It’s a rather crude and inelegant solution but it works.
It could also be that the thermostat in this room has somehow ended up turned down again, in which case I will be very upset.
So I really hope it’s not that. I know that I set it to 27 C a couple weeks ago, as 25 C was not quite cutting it. And I will turn it up again if I have to.
But if I find it turned all the way down to nothing again, I will pitch a fit because I have made myself very very clear on the subject, that nobody is to touch my thermostat but me, ever, except by my explicit and immediate instruction.
I don’t wanna have to do that, so, here’s hoping.
Finding out I am cold because of someone else’s interference feels like such a betrayal.
And of course, I might be coming down with something. It could be that sort of chill. It did seem to come with a vague feeling of unwellness but nothing definitive.
So I will check the thermostat and see what’s up.
Then I will crawl under the covers and take yet another nap.
Maybe I really AM starting to hibernate.
In which case…. see you next Spring, I guess!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.