Well, here we are back at what passes for normal in my weird weird life. Things were getting sort of different there for a while, with shallow sleep instead of deep, Facebook games keeping me busy, and my mind bubbling over with the desire to comment on big ideas instead of mumbling on about my personal problems. I have to say, I was sort of enjoying it.

But I knew it had to end. You can not roll on with very little sleep forever. Sooner or later, the hypomanic bubble collapses and then your brain forecloses on your sleep debt and forces you to pay it off all at once, immediately.

So I had a very heavy nap this afternoon, and I anticipate more of them in my near future.

Ironically, this deep sleep has further delayed my Zopiclone experiment. My psychiatrist has put me on stuff in order to help me develop something like a normal sleep schedule, and I was supposed to go pick up the prescription today, but I ended up taking a long heavy nap instead and that left me without the energy or will to go pick the damn stuff up, assuming it is read by now.

See, it is on the “limited coverage” list, which means my therapist has to send in a form asking the Province to approve the prescription. Is it not wonderful to have bureaucrats second guessing medical professionals just to maybe save a buck or two?

So anyhow, despite my therapist’s solid confidence that the approval would be a matter of hours at most when he wrote out the scrip on Tuesday, it was not approved yet when I checked Wednesday night, and here it is Thursday night and I am too scrambled feeling to even call to see if the stuff is ready yet.

Oh well, I will check tomorrow and pick the stuff up if it is ready then.

The idea is that it will help me get to sleep, and maybe that will help me stay asleep and thus get a normal REM pattern going and that will hopefully help a lot with my mood and whatnot.

All very sound theory. Proper sleep is the cornerstone of health. Who knows, if I was properly rested, I might be a lot less depressed and have the energy and, most importantly, the confidence to go out there and take on that big old world.

And that’s a good thing… right?

And I was all for this plan… but then I made the mistake of reading that Zopiclone Wikipedia article I have linked to here, and now I am frankly kind of terrified.

Especially because what I am taking is basically Ambien, and has all the same (potential) freaky sleep activity side effect like sleepwalking, sleep driving, and sleep eating.

Now sleep eating would be bad, especially if I eat the Bad Stuff that would hurt my diabetes. Sleep driving, well, I do not know how to drive and do not have a car, so that is not a big problem. But people on these drugs have sleepwalked to the point where they wake up in a strange neighborhood with no recollection of how they got there or what time it is or anything, and that prospect freaks me out.

Why? Because I already have nightmares exactly like that, and mild issues between dream reality and real reality, and so having that happen would freak me out completely. Especially because I do not have a cell phone, so I could not just call home and tell Joe a cross street and have him come pick me up.

No, I would be completely lost, and terrified. I might not even be fully clothed, and who has not had that nightmare? After all, I sleep naked, so unless I incorporate sleep dressing into my unconscious mindscape, there will be a big fat guy with a big scar down his middle wandering around Richmond naked, and that is bound to cause a stir.

At least the police would probably be nice enough to throw a blanket over me and take me home, at least the first few times. So there is that, I guess.

I even had a dream that I was being chased by the police this afternoon, that is how much this notion has been preying on my mind.

Of course, these freaky side effects are rare and so I am probably getting freaked out over absolutely nothing. The most common side effect of Zopiclone is a harsh and unpleasant metallic taste in the mouth upon waking, and while that sounds fairly nasty, it is a lot better than making the news nude.

And not everyone gets that, so who knows? Maybe I will be lucky, and all I will get out of it is good sleep. I have actually wanted to try Zopiclone ever since I read about it in the Douglas Coupland book Shampoo Planet.

The protagonist Tyler takes it (illegally) late in the book, and says it is like brain candy, and makes his life so much easier now that he is getting proper sleep and is fully rested. He says it is the only sleep aid that gives you a normal REM cycle, which Wikipedia says is not true, but still, ever since I read the book for the first time, I have been intrigued by the prospect of a proper sleep pill.

And then, decades later, my psych prescribes the stuff for me, completely without my prompting (apart from complaining about sleep, of course). It is hard not to see this as destiny, or fate, or weird fortune, or my wyrd being upon me, or some such mystical crap.

Knowing such things to be nothing but superstition does not make you immune from the feeling. The human desire to find patterns in our life creates such feelings in all of us.

The difference, I suppose, is in how much you believe them.

And I am destined to try to dismiss them, I guess.