Well, I gave my brand new bread machine its virgin trial today, and it was a total bust.

It was supposed to produce a nice loaf of lightly crusted white bread, and instead I got a little bucket of burned, scorched, brown marbles with some smoldering crumbs as a base.

Not attractive, not good, and certainly not bread. Not even food, sadly.

Play the sad upper range piano music here. Plus cello.

And the thing is, I suspected something was wrong. I followed the directions in the bread machine manual, and then I looked at the result and said to myself “There is no way that is enough liquid. ” All my baker’s instincts told me this. But I shrugged, figuring the book knew better than I did, and pushed the start button and walked away.

Turns out, my instincts were perfectly correct. And I knew it before I even opened the lid.

See, I took a nap (bad boy, me) while the machine was running its course, and so when I woke up, it was done. And while I was lying there in bed with sleep still in my eyes, not quite awake, it smelled like I had succeeded in making my first loaf of machine bread.

But once I got up and headed toward the kitchen to check things out, I knew something had gone terrible wrong, because my baker’s nose detected a very sour note to the fresh bread smell, and I know that not, it is the Smell of Doom, and so even before I lifted the lid, I knew what was inside would be Not Good.

So right now, the Horror that Lay Within is soaking in the sink, and some time soon, I will go, clean the gunk out gently, dry it out thoroughly, and try again.

Luckily, I am almost positive that I know what the problem was and so the next try should go a lot better. The flour we happened to have around has a slightly brownish tinge to it, and I suspect that it is not, in fact, the nice white wholesome all purpose flour that our mothers used to make our favorite cookies when we were kids, but actually some evil foul hippie dippie whole wheat flour, suitable only for extreme vegans and people who truly enjoy constipation.

So when I said it was not enough liquid, I was entirely correct. Whole wheat flour absorbs more liquid than white flour, so you need to put more in. Also, you have to knead it longer and bake it hotter. Otherwise, you end up with burned brown marbles in a bag of crumbs like I got.

So next time, I will use a whole wheat bread recipe, and end up with good whole wheat bread, I hope. But the key thing is to fight my tendency to be easily discouraged, especially when trying something new. Quash those over-vivid negative emotional impressions that form when I am doing something new and therefore unfamiliar, and refuse to listen to the voice that says “Run away, run away, go back to doing the familiar things, this can only lead to more pain!”.

A radically hasty assumption based on a single data point, don’t you think? Extrapolating the entire nature of an entire avenue of human experience based on a single experience? The first time always sucks for a lot of things. You have to just keep trying.

And seeing as I paid $75 for the damned bread machine, I am going to keep trying.

Plus, I still want the results bad enough to keep going. I want to have a fun kitchen toy that makes bread, so I can make tasty breads and hopefully even make tasty desserts for myself. I am willing to keep experimenting with it till I make that come true.

In other news, took my first full Zopiclone today. No dramatic results. Just made me fairly sleepy, so I slept. That is more or less what I wanted to happen, I suppose, but part of me is terrible disappointed that it was not something more exciting. Like I got super sleepy and slept like a log for sixteen hours then woke up all super rested, or something.

Then again, I did feel pretty good when I woke up from that nap, and that is fairly radically different from the majority of my wakening, so that is actually a pretty good sign.

Just plain decent sleep might not be a dramatic result, but it might make a big difference to my life if I keep it up. And I see no reason to stop now.

I have not even experienced the nasty metallic taste upon wakening, which is the most common negative side effect from Zopiclone. It still might show up, of course. But if it does, I will find some way of dealing with it. Get some super strong mouthwash, perhaps, or pay for Mentadent, which is the most powerful toothpaste I have ever used.

That stuff is awesome. Using it is an experience of Zen intensity, not unpleasant but kind of a trip, and afterward, your teeth are so clean that they feel like you just got a new set. Kerpow. Clean.

Heck, I might get some of that anyway, now that I am thinking about it. It’s expensive but it just might be worth it to someone like me.

So, that has been my day of experimenting with drugs and baking. The drugs went better than the baking, although the baking results were certainly more dramatic.

I might just have my meaty paws on a sleep drug that just gives me lots of good quality sleep with no side effects. Not even extreme drowsiness. Just better quality sleep.

I really do not know what sort of person I am without the buzz and crackle of mental hyperactivity due to disordered sleep keeping me awake all night, never entirely alert and awake and certainly never entirely relaxed either.

Hopefully, I will become a really relaxed, mellow, groovy guy.

You know… moreso than now. 🙂