Technically, the sun will not be going down for around an hour or so, but it is already early twilight out there, so I am considering this the sundown period.

Well, the deal is done. Returned the ice cream maker to Future Shop today. The money went back onto the credit card. So I have something like $120 on there now.

It was clear to me that the thing was just not going to work out for my purposes. Technically, I never actually tried making actual ice cream with it, but if the Splenda based lemonade did not work, I highly doubt that Splenda based ice cream would have been any different.

The stuff just freezes too hard, and then the scraper can’t keep up, and then it is disaster city. Perhaps some day they will make an ice cream maker that suits my needs, and if they do, I will buy it. But this was not that ice cream maker.

And the truth is, I really need the money. I am facing another one of those brutally tough months where there are five weeks between monthly cheques instead of four, and so I am expected to get by for with the same amount of cash for 25 percent more time.

And that is just not fair, especially for those of us who are already getting by on so very, very little. I live on slightly less than eight thousand dollars a year. I do not need anything to make my financial life any more difficult.

So sadly, money that was supposed to make my life better (via an ice cream maker) instead will be used to just barely allow me to get by.

In other words, I just cannot get ahead. That is the message this sort of thing says to me.

But oh well. I have a nice enough life, especially on gorgeous days like today. Sunny and bright, with little white clouds up in the blue, blue sky and mirror shade mirages on the streets. Too hot, of course, but what the hell. It is still beautiful weather, even if it is not sweaty fat guy friendly.

And I hope to be well enough some day to be able to just go out and enjoy the beautiful days by myself. Just grab a blanket and some snacks and a book and a big bottle of water, and head for the beach, and find a nice spot where I am fairly unlikely to get bowled into by toddlers or hit by an errant frisbee, and soak up the rays.

For a big sweaty fat guy prone to heat stroke, I really like the beach. Like I have mentioned before, being near the ocean calms me somehow. It is like all of my problems, all my tension, and all my suppressed emotions just flow out of me into the water and float away. Perhaps I just have the sea in my blood from growing up six blocks from the Atlantic Ocean, or perhaps the water just mirrors my own turbulent sea of emotions, but with such enormity that it makes me feel safe in the arms of something far larger than myself.

But for whatever reason, just being near the water soothes me and calms me. I would love to find out who I am and what I am like if I get to spend, say, a week right on the beach, with a cabin or home just a stone’s throw from the sand.

I can totally see why island peoples tend to be so mellow and present-oriented. I get the feeling that if I lived like I just described, I would become one mellow, happy go lucky dude. Might even become a mystic. I mean, I am already a philosopher and poet. Mystic is not that far off, despite my lifelong skepticism about what most people call mysticism.

Had a pleasant little spiritual experience last night. I was sitting here at the computer, messing around on Facebook, when the moth which had been flitting about my room suddenly took a wrong turn and ended up in my glass of water.

Oh no! I had visions of the poor little thing dying a slow and terrible death right in front of me. That is the sort of thing that could make me very, very sad.

So I peeked into the bowl, and found, to my surprise, that the moth was clinging to the side of the glass with its front legs and its wings were not full wet yet. This was my opportunity!

So I grabbed an envelope and very very gently slid it under the poor moth, then lifted up. The minute all its legs were free of the water, it flew off, apparently unharmed.

Hooray! I acted to prevent one tiny tragedy in this world full of cruel happenstance, and that makes me feel really really good. I had the opportunity to make the world just that little bit better, and I still feel all lit up with the glow of tiny karma.

And the best part is, the envelope turned out to be one that once contained a card from my mother, and even has her handwriting on it, and saving the life of a moth is exactly the sort of thing she would do. In fact, she is the one who taught me to be gentle and kind to all living things, and I am sure she would be proud that her shy and gentle son acted just as she would have acted in that circumstance.

And that just makes me feel good all over.

Remember, it is not about the ocean of suffering in the world. It is about the drops of compassion in your own little tin cup, and what you do with them. It is about knowing that every little act of kindness and compassion makes the world a better place, and that while you might never be the hero who cleans up this whole town, you can at least keep the dirt from your own doorstep.

Have a happy day, folks!