Or should that be Tuesday Newsday? Oh god, that sounds like another regular feature. I swear, I set out to keep things loose and format free in order to allow for the maximum scope of self-expression, and yet somehow, order seems to coalesce out of the planned chaos like crystals forming in a hyper-saturated solution. Oh well, I am getting tired of talking about myself anyhow.

Yesterday, I was just too damned tired to do anything else.

But today is a new day, and for today at least, I shall talk about the world outside my head for a change.

First up, there is this rather amusing (in a bitchy ass way) story of literary malfeasance.

The story is thus told : Award winning and highly successful crime writer R. J. Ellory has been caught red-handed using an alias to write glowingly positive reviews of his own works on Amazon.

As a (in theory at least) writer myself, I find this hilariously scandalous. How extraordinarily embarrassing for him! I am sure it will not have much of an impact on his book sales, but in the literary world of authors, agents, publishers, etc., this must be profoundly humiliating, and I doubt he will be showing his face at press events any time soon.

And I find that funny. I was unaware of this guy’s work before now, so it’s not like I am a fan of his, so I feel no need to defend him. And what he did was clearly dirty pool, so it’s not like I do not feel he deserves what he gets.

But I will say that I understand how a writer might read some awful reviews of his work on Amazon and convince themselves that there was Only One Way To Set The Record Straight.

But then again, he also used his alternate persona to slag the competition, so really, he does deserve whatever social fallout rains down upon him for doing something so hilariously petty.

I mean seriously. That is like faking your death so you can attend your own funeral.

From that petty crime, I am afraid we must move on to a story of a truly horrible (yet, I must guiltily admit, also pretty badass and awesome) crime from Turkey.

Picture this : You are a 26 year old Turkish woman. You have two children. For months, you have been being raped by a man who blackmails you into sex by threatening to send nude pictures of you to your family, which would be a serious enough thing here in the West, but I am betting in Turkey might just get you killed, or at least, permanently thrown out of your family as a horrible slut.

Then you find out your are pregnant by your rapist. And he tells you maybe he will send the nude pictures to your family anyway, and tell them all about what a dirty slut their daughter is.

What do you do, faced with this scenario?

Well, the woman in question shot her rapist ten times, then cut his head off and threw it into the town square, and declared “This is the head of the man who toyed with my honour!” when police arrived to arrest her.

Which, you have to admit, is pretty fucking epic. It is hard for me to retain my usual reverence for human life and insistence that everyone has a right to live and nobody has a right to take that away in the face of such a Tarantino level of epic badassery delivered to someone who so richly deserved it.

Turkish women’s groups have praised the woman, and I can see why. Not only did this woman stand up for herself, but she did it in a language that men understand : brutal fucking retribution, and in the name of honour, no less.

This, I think, will get the message across in a way that all the marches and posters in the world never would. Sad but true.

After all, look at what Columbine did for bullying.

Still, it is an unpleasant subject, so let us round out today’s news with a super positive story about, basically, the most awesome father ever.

What makes him the most awesome father ever? Glad you asked.

See, he has a little son who likes to wear skirts and dresses, and to paint his nails. This was not a big problem when they both lived in West Berlin, but then they moved to a very conservative little village in South Germany (did I mention he’s German?) and people were a lot less accepting.

So his little boy, out of fear of being teased by his classmates, stopped wearing the skirts and the nail polish. But his father knew this was making his son very sad.

So his dad did the most amazing thing I have ever heard : he put on a skirt himself so his boy would not feel self-conscious wearing one.

And now the boy goes to school dressed as he pleases, and when the other boys tease him, he just says “You would do this too if your dad was as brave as mine!”.

And you know what? For a few of them, at least, that is probably true.

Needless to say, I heartily approve. Obviously, this is a father for whom there is truly nothing in the world more important than his child’s happiness, not even his own dignity or masculinity.

And that makes him not just an awesome dad, but an awesome human being. When I first read the story, I had such overwhelming admiration for this man that I kind of wanted to ask him to marry me.

The fever passed, but the admiration remains. He has officially raised the bar on fatherhood for all men. Sure, lots of fathers say they would do absolutely anything for their kids, but how many of them would show up in public in a skirt for them?

Scotsmen not included, of course. That would be cheating.