More link n’ load tonight. (Lock and link? Nah. )

First, one I have had hanging about and mixing with the wrong crowd in my browser for almost a week now, the charming story of a family of four that went for a little bit of a walk down the road.

Completely bare-ass naked.

This is a highly quotable article. For example :

Another witness, Charlotte resident Jill Mead, told the paper that the sight “blew [her] mind.”

Really, dear? That’s all it takes to blow your mind? The sight of an old lady, her daughter, a toddler, and an infant walking down the road in the State of Grace, clad in glory, popped your noodle?

I find that adorable. But then again, I have lived with nudists and I am a sexually deviant pervert. So my frame of reference might be a little different.

Here’s one from the officer in charge of the case, Captain Rod Farley, regarding the conclusions drawn from the medical and psychological examination of the two adults :

“It didn’t appear that they had any problems short of that they didn’t have any clothes on,” Farley said.

Don’t you just love that gift for understatement many people from the South have?

But the true beauty comes from the simplicity of the explanation :

As for the inspiration for their public nudity, the women gave as good a reason as any: Farley said they told police, “the Lord told them to get naked and walk down the street.”

Kinda hard to argue with that.

Now the kids, they will be fine. Infants barely even know clothes exist and toddlers are not sold on the concepts yet either. This odd excursion will do them no harm.

But as for the adults, apparently, both women agreed that God had told them to walk naked down the streets, and that’s what really blows my mind.

What was that conversation like?

Grandmother : Well, God just told me we should walked down the street naked with the kids.
Daughter : Yup. Me too.
Grandmother : Well, best get to it, then.

And then they just shucked down and went for a stroll.

The alternative is that one of them talked the other into it, which I find equally hard to believe.

And what about the officer? What kind of day did he have? There he was, on his third Krispy Kreme, and he gets a call from dispatch.

Officer : There’s a what on Providence Road? You’re kidding. And all of them buckass naked? Not a stitch on? Alright, this I gotta see. I’m taking the call. But send backup. With blankets.

It must have seemed like a gently amusing dream. Just one of those odd little things that happen in life. I can’t imagine a single person being truly upset by it.

Frankly, the whole thing strikes me as adorable.

Of course, the police often have to deal with nudity.

Nude Police Lineup by Bob Newhart

Bob Newhart is a hero of mine. His gentle style of comedy is, to me, absolutely beautiful.

The other news item I wish to address is this latest teapot trapped tempest.

Here is the headline as it is making the rounds on Facebook : Bill Nye Booed (not Boo’d, you knobs) In Texas For Saying The Moon Reflects The Sun

And as such, it is perfect Internet bait for all of the Asshole Atheist crowd to crow about and point out how stupid and superstitious all those inbred yokels down in Texas must be.

So that set is falling all over themselves to post things like “And to think, these people vote!” and “No wonder these people have Rick Perry as their leader” or the always elegant and original “*facepalm”.

Yeah, good thing us cool people aren’t smallminded bigots intolerant of those different from ourselves while patting ourselves on the back for being The Right Kind Of People, right?

And that’s how the Asshole Atheists and Sadistic Skeptics would like you to interpret the article that foes with that headline, but that is not the truth at all, and I can show you the smoking gun.

Here it is. Emphasis mine.

But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector.

Note the important words there. He brought up. Nobody asked him a question. Nobody was suggesting teaching Genesis 1:16 as science in schools or making it part of Texas law.

He was the one who brought up the Bible in the first place.

In other words, Bill Nye The Asshole Guy started the fight. He is the aggressor here. He deliberately attacked these people’s faith and now is acting all disingenuously butthurt because they got mad at him for it.

What the hell did he expect to happen? They would look at him and say “Gosh, you are right, Science Guy. My faith is a sham and the Bible is a pack of lies. All hail Bill the Science God!”

He knew exactly what was going to happen. He poked these people in the eye, and not even to make a point, just to generate this kind of bogus news story so he and all his bigoted atheist skeptic friends could masturbate their egos over it.

Tell me, Nye, would you have done that in a synagogue? Or a temple? Or a black Baptist church?

In doing shit like this, all you do is confirm to these people that scientists are out to get them and there is no possibility of middle ground between you and them.

You, sir, are no humanist, secular or otherwise. You are an abusive bigot religion-bashing just to score points with your bigoted friend, and that makes you no better than the people who you oppose.

In fact, you are worse than them, because you are smart and educated enough to know better.

I had a hard time forgiving you after that detergent ad where you sold out your credibility and your responsibility to teach the truth to children just to make a quick buck.

You chose money over science, Nye, and that is something I will never entirely forgive you for. What were kids supposed to think when they saw you shilling for some megacorp?

Still, over the years I got over that, mostly. After all, I loved your show, I loved you on Almost Live, and I have enjoyed your recent work.

But this erases all that and puts you further into the red than ever.

You are a bad person who did a bad thing Bill. You have fallen in with the Richard Dawkins, Ayn Rand, Neil DeGrasse Tyson bunch of tiny minded “skeptics” whose idea of science is to shit on all beliefs other than your own and close your minds and your hearts to the vast majority of humanity.

And that is just plain unacceptable.

You are dead to me until you renounce your wicked ways and come back into the true light of promoting understanding, cooperation, tolerance, and acceptance in humanity.

That’s what a real humanist does. It’s what a real liberal does.

It’s what real human beings do.

Come back to being human, Bill, before it’s too late.