A slightly different view

Giving blogging from the living room a try. How exotic! Blogging from my couch in the living room instead of sprawled out on my bed or sitting in front of the big computer.

It is downright tragic how big a change that is for me.

And I am not sure it will last for the whole blog entry. It is, so far, decidedly less comfortable than the more traditional positions, and I am all about the comfort.

It is surpringly hard to find a good position for typing when seated on the couch.Getting the screen at the right angle to the keyboard is quite tricky.I suspect this case was designed with a readily available flat surface perpindicular to the ground in mind. A not unreasonable assumtion.

I have felt pretty crappy today. Slept a lot, which rarely helps my mood. You would think that getting caught up on sleep would make me feel better, but this was not kind of sleep.

This was the evil kind of sleep which takes way more out of me than it puts back. I feel drained and abused and like my entire body aches from a deep bruising. Plus I seem to be developing a very nasty sinus slash eyestrain headache, and my usual countermeasures are only delaying the problem, not eliminating it.

Headache train is bearing down at a hundred miles an hour, and all I can do is wriggle a little further down the track.

So that sucks. Emotionally, I feel like a hunted animal, trying to flee danger but there is no way to go, no where to hide, and dangerand fear on all sides.

Trying hard not to think about fox hunts right now.

Oh, the experiment is over, at least for now, by the way. I am back on my nice comfy bed. Considering how crappy I feel, this is not the night for experimentation. It’s a night for getting as comfortable as possible and doing my best to weather whatever storms may come.

When I feel like this, all tender and raw, it is very hard for me to keep my anxiety levels down. Thinking about anything even remotely stressful sends my anxiety levels skyrocketing, so I have no choice but to stay mellow and distracted.

Story of my life, really.

It’s like I am on high simmer and I could boil over at any second. Like my body wants to have a big anxiety attack, but the Paxil (and/or my self-control) won’t let it, so I am stuck in this yellow alert status.

Maybe I should just let it happen and get it over with. Might be better off in the long run. But I do not think I am capable of that just yet. So instead, I will turn off the lights and hope some time in the dark will help.

Wish me luck with that.

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