Well, I really topped myself today. Normally, my being an absentminded, head-in-the-clouds spaz does not end up actually have an effect on my health, apart from the occasional bump or bruise, but I fucked up big time today.

I ended up taking my psychiatric medications twice. I double dosed myself. I currently have twice my usual dose of Wellbutrin and Paxil in my bloodstream, and it is all my fault for not paying attention to what I was doing.

Story of my life, really.

I just glanced at my dosette (sp?) box, saw the pills there, thought I had forgotten to take my meds with breakfast, and swallowed them down. If I had taken the time to really look at my pill box, it would have been apparent that I had taken them with breakfast just like I am supposed to do, and the pills I ended up taking were actually tomorrow’s dose.

But no, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, and as a result, today has been… eerie. The double dose in my bloodstream really mutes my emotions, so everything feels cold and remote, and I am not used to that any more. It has been years since I was on an absurdly high dose of Paxil and so being on a double dose now feels all kinds of wrong.

To be honest, it makes me feel like I am not quite alive.

At the same time, Paxil and Wellbutrin are both, technically, stimulants. That’s why people are advised to take them with breakfast. You are certainly not going to be able to sleep after taking them, so it is best to be kicked into a higher gear when you are at work.

Trouble is, I ain’t got a job.

So I feel muted and wired at the same time, and that is not a comfortable feeling. My good friend Clark once described the effects of Irish coffee as feeling like being “asleep tied to the front of a speeding freight train”, and that roughly describes how I feel now.

Like I am physically anxious from the stimulant effect (and, admittedly, some ill-advised Diet Coke), but the drugs in my system don’t allow me to be emotionally anxious, so there is this big cognitive conflict going on.

And the creepy thing is, that doesn’t bother me. And that bothers me.

Oh well, it will all sort itself out. I am going to skip tomorrow’s psych meds entirely (after all, I already took them) and hopefully that will be enough to let my blood chemistry rebalance itself.

You can bet I will be being very, very careful with my pill box from this point on. I have had a stern lesson about making potentially very dangerous assumptions around my meds. Every time I take them, I will make sure I am supposed to do so.

After all, this time, in all likelihood, there will be no lasting long term effects. Double dosing oneself is not good, but it is not too bad either, at least with my meds.

Oh, and I also took an extra dose of two of my diabetes meds too. So hopefully that won’t cause a blood sugar crash. At least I didn’t double up on the most powerful one, Januvia.

That might have been…. tragic.

Otherwise, things are going okay. I still need to learn to discharge more of my energies. My days are just not absorbing enough. I should at least start making videos again. I had a lot of fun doing that.

And some of them are pretty good! Like this one :

See? I’m a funny guy.

But it’s so hard to make that trip from not doing anything with my afternoons to committing to do something, the same something, every day. Even though I did this for many months last year, so I know damned well I can do it, there is this voice in me that feels like sacrificing a couple hours of my incredibly boring afternoons would just shatter my tiny mind.

So we are back tot he idea of trying something new, something different. I am re-examining the podcast idea. I set the idea aside for a while because I couldn’t decide what sort of podcast it would be, but now that I have sampled some of the really popular “comedy” podcasts and found them to SUUUUCK, I am feeling somewhat inspired by their atrocious counterexample.

Because believe me when I say, I can definitely be funnier than those schmucks. So much of the podcast world consists of some a bunch of jackasses talking for an hour or so, apparently sans editing.

And that makes no sense to me at all. Sure, if you are podcasting live, you have to take what you get, and I could forgive a certain amount of screw ups and dead spots in that cast. (Although not all that much of that, either. I have been spoiled by listening to the CBC for all these years, and so I have very high standards. )

But these are preproduced shows, not live at all. These people apparently think it is good enough to just start recording, fuck around for an hour, and then post it directly to the Internet without so much as a second glance.

I guess I am beginning to see why all the really good podcasts come from radio stations. Those people know what they are doing. Ninety percent of what I listen to comes from either the CBC or NPR. Those are well produced, info-dense, content rich podcasts that are interesting, fun, and even funny sometimes.

Funnier than fucking Joe Rogan and his broheims, anyhow.

I don’t know, maybe there are hilarious skitcom-style podcasts out there that I have never heard of. But right now, it seems like something decently produced (and, of course, hilarious) with a high density could just roll right over the competition.

Plus, it is something that is not too hard to do from one’s humble apartment. Taking the visuals out of the equation and a lot of things get a lot simpler.

It also helps that I am a lunatic.

Now what would I call it….

Seeya tomorrow folks!