Let’s talk about self-discipline.

I’ve been trying to increase mine lately. The secret, at least for me, is to imagine the person you want to be, the real actualized you, and dream of it happening. Imaging your destination. Then devote yourself to it.

And remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. What you want is constant pressure, not one bout of enormous effort. Change the little things first. Consider every time you reinforce a good habit to be a victory that gets you closer to your goal.

And if you slip, you slip. Feel guilty? Then get right back on that horse. This is your own game, and it is not possible to fail out of it. You can’t escape via failure. The task will still be sitting there, waiting for you, no matter how bad you screw up.

That’s the secret of why many people fail at life. They start out with good intentions, but once it starts being hard or complicated or scary, they just want to escape, and failure is the easiest way out.

It’s the equivalent of slinking off with your tail between your legs. Sure, you lost, but the important thing is that you got out of the situation as quickly and with the least amount of effort as possible.

That is how failure becomes an addiction. You know, deep down, that you can get out of things by failing at them, and so when the going gets tough, you fold like a house of cards and tell yourself trying is the first step towards failure.

And you think that, just because you keep telling yourself how much you suck after, that means you are not doing it on purpose. But notice that you are telling yourself that from a safe distance, in an emotional state that is far more tolerable and familiar than actually confronting the problem.

That is the crux of self-discipline and self-respect : deciding that this time, you will keep going no matter what. You will learn to stay instead of fleeing, and endure the tension and fear that you usually capitulate to, and find out what it is like on the other side of it.

I guarantee it won’t be nearly as bad as your fears make it out to be.

Take myself. Recently, I launched a movement called Science Is True. It’s a slogan I want to see on the chest and the bumper stickers of all people who support evidence over ideology and science over superstition. It is a thing desperately needed in a world where people don’t even believe in vaccines any more.

As of now, I have made a Facebook Page, a Tumblr, and a Cafepress store for it.

So that is the initial flurry of activity. Call that the honeymoon phase. Now the honeymoon is over, I have done the part that is easy for me (creating), and now I am at a very familiar crossroads.

This is the point where I usually give up because I genuinely have no idea what to do next. My mind is a blank. But this time, I know what is really going on. My depression is leading me to want to escape the situation rather than face up to the task of choosing what to do next, with all its scary possibilities.

This time, I am not going to fold. There is no reason to run away. I am in no physical danger. Nothing bad is about to happen to me. And so I will stay with this little movement of mine and wait for the blankness to fade, and then (and this is the crucial part) I will continue to think about the problem.

Like I have been telling my therapist for a while, the problem is never really that I lack knowledge. The phrase “not knowing what to do next” is deceptive that way. I am perfectly capable, when my mind is clear, of thinking of all kinds of possible next steps. Posting a link on an atheist or science based forum. Look around for other people working in the same general area. Make and buy some business cards online. Those kind of things.

So it is not logic or creativity that I have lacked in the past, although it may seem that way from the outside with how I talk. But I know all kinds of things I could do.

The hard part is just picking one and staying with it, and resisting the urge to try to fail out of the task and escape.

I am done with being the kind of person who avoids everything. I am going to become the kind of person who faces things and deals with them. And it is by pursuing the dream of being that kind of person, a better version of myself, that will give me the strength and determination to bend my personality to my will and make myself my own.

Self-discipline means bending yourself to your own will. All you have to do is dig deep and find that scared little animal in you, and convince it that the real way out is to change. Then it will be fear of being trapped forever in an unsatisfying life that will drive you forward.

Only through change can your scared little animal escape the badness for good. And change is in your grasp.

It starts with little things. Have a few fewer potato chips. Make room in your lifestyle for the occasional walk. Choose one thing to do now and not later.

And above all, when you feel the urge to avoid doing something via procrastination, do that thing right then, if possible. Don’t subject yourself to worry and guilt over not doing that thing yet. Do it now, and you can just go on with yourself, no longer trapped in an avoidance loop.

And remember, you are making these little sacrifices not just for the immediate benefit, or even long term direct benefit, but because you are building the person you want to be.

Talk to you again tomorrow, folks!