I feel better today. And, worse.

Getting some of my negative thoughts out of my system last night definitely helped my mood. It always does. Sometimes you just have to vent the negative stuff.

That’s why some people end up having to fight for their right to be sad, or rather, to express it. The Happiness Patrol, being basically stupid, tries to keep people happy by telling them not to be sad, or at least, to keep it to themselves so they don’t make others sad.

But emotions are information and that information needs to be shared, so that only makes the person worse as the sadness and anger build up inside.

Anyhow. Back to feeling better. I do get really frustrated with my life fairly often. And it’s hard to get out of the habit of taking that frustration out on myself. Even the most negative and self-destructive of habits can become the path of least resistance and hence the easiest thing to do.

So instead of trying to completely suppress this anger and frustration with my life, and hence creating more emotional tension in my soul, I am instead working on developing my belief that I can do something about it.

After all, I have a bus pass. I (usually) have money. There is a great big world out there beyond this apartment and there is no reason I couldn’t just walk out that door and go find meaningful (or at least enjoyable) things to do.

For example, I could just go to Stanley Park. I saw a little of it when I was looking for the Aquarium, and it seems like a very lovely place. Peaceful, green, full of little nooks and crannies and surprises. And it’s all free. Free to get in, free to get there via my bus pass… totally free.

And there is lots of summer left over, so I could go there any time I like. It’s not like my days are filled with better things to do. I could even bring the tablet and do my blogging there, amid all that inspiration.

I definitely feel like I need to open myself up to the world more, and give myself some real input instead of all this virtuality. If I want to learn to feel more real, I need to interact with more real things, and thus have rich real world experiences within me, not just this thin and tenuous online life.

Besides, I need to go out there and find some writing courses that I can afford and will not totally hate. I will tamp down my irritation at having to take some lousy little writing class when I can probably write better than the instructor and have certainly written a lot more than the other students, and honestly could probably teach the damned class…

Ahem. I will forget all that, be a good sport, totally crush the courses academically speaking, and get into the VFS Writing for Film and Television for the January 5 start date, or die trying.

Once I get all that in place, I will lose the feeling of disconnection that has made me sad lately, and resume feeling like I have a direction and a purpose, and that will help me simply scads.

Sure, it sucks to have my dreams deferred, but what the hell. Better late than never. Starting in 2015 is better than never starting at all.

So I am feeling better about that, and about my life in general. I have done my flailing and wailing and gnashing of teeth and I am ready to face facts and get on with my life.

Still gonna email Simon, but I am not pinning my hopes to that longshot.

The way I am feeling worse is physically. I have caught the chest cold that has been plaguing Joe since last Sunday, and so my chest feels all scratchy and my throat is all raspy (giving me a slightly deeper voice, which is cool) and I am going to probably get worse before I get better.

So bleh on that. I will up my lemon juice and chicken soup intake, and do whatever else I can to make sure I have plenty of fluids and vitamin C in me for my immune system to use, but I am pretty sure I am in for a bumpy ride.

Oh well, such things are best endured with a positive attitude, knowing that this too shall pass so there is no point in getting all sad about something that will be over before you know it.

I will just take care of myself and try not to lick any doorknobs while I’m contagious. It won’t be easy.

What else… Spuug was nice enough to stop over today to look at my computer. Thank you so very much, dear William! He is going to go to the Vancouver Hack Space and try to get me a new power supply for my computer there. They often have spare computer parts just floating around for anyone to take, and hopefully, they will have a power supply that suits my computer.

Money is a bit of a rough issue for me right now, and I would really rather not have to figure out how to pay for a new power supply. As is, it will take all the money left on my card to make it through the next week.

But then again, a week from tomorrow is check day, and I could just get it then.

So all in all, viral infections aside, I am doing alright. The road of life is neither straight nor smooth, so I suppose it is wisest to not get too attached to any one game plan and focus on the goal instead.

I will get to the Vancouver Film School Writing for Film and Television program by whatever means necessary!

But for now, I am gonna relax, recuperate, and maybe make some phone calls concerning places we might rent.

I will keep you posted.

I’ll talk to you again tomorrow, folks!