Today was better than yesterday, but still not that great.

I am definitely on the mend. My chest is mostly cleared, and coughing doesn’t hurt any more. That is a huge improvement right there. Yesterday, I was ferociously suppressing the urge to cough because coughing was intensely painful.But now, if I get the urge, I cough freely.

Don’t get me wrong, coughing is still not exactly fun. But compared to yesterday, it is a goddamned breeze.

My throat is not as sore either. There’s still some swelling in there and swallowing is a little bit of a challenge, but at least fluids go down easy.

What else. Oh yeah…. not constipated any more. Funny how I usually only notice how long it has been since I pooped when the dry spell finally ends. If I was more cognizant of such things, I could solve the problem with a slow but aggressive course of fluid intake on my own.

Overall, I am getting better, and it’s only now that I can look at what has been happening to me this week and think about what exactly was going on.

I think the problem is that being sick with an infection and being depressed are a lot like one another. Having to stay in bed, being all tired because my body was fighting the infection, being all mentally incoherent…. that’s an awful lot like being depressed, and as a result, I think being sick made me depressed.

And vice versa.

I guess that should come as no surprise. My depression is always there like a gravity well, and recovery is largely a matter of developing the thrust to stay out of there despite the pull.

Anything that drains your engines is bound to cause a bit of a regression.

I also think hay fever has been adding itself to the mix as well. It’s hard to tell, of course. The cold could very well be nasal as well. All I know is that my nose has been running constantly and that always gums up the works.

So I have been rather very a lot unwell, actually. Nothing to take to the doctor or anything, but still, life is still ganging up on me.

That’s okay. I can take it. I will survive. I am through letting life squash me flat. I will bounce back sooner or later and then the battle will continue.

Not much else to report. That’s the thing about spending most of your time asleep in bed. It does not exactly generate a lot of topics for conversation.

As always when I am ill, I make a specific effort to remember what it is like so that I can be properly grateful when it is over. My life might not be a bowl of cherries when I am well, but at least it’s a hell of a lot better than this.

Well, as well as I ever get, anyhow.

I did manage to get myself together enough to go over to Safeway to buy a few things,which is good. I didn’t super need what I bought, but I thought I needed a reason to move around a little and get things circulating.

Plus I felt I needed some happiness food. So I got myself some of those sugar free iced novelties I like so much. They are expensive but worth it.

And Safeway’s selection for sugar free cookies is crap.

In terms of how I felt, the trip was a mixed back. On the way to the store, I felt fine, and was glad I had decided to do it.

But by the time I was on my way back, well.. let’s say the trip back from Safeway seemed very long indeed, especially the stairs to the apartment.

For me, the worst part of being sick, other than it triggering my goddamned depression, is the icky feeling you get from sick sweat cooling on your body. It leaves me feeling all gunky and gross, and yet it’s hard to shower when you can barely stay awake for more than half an hour, and that is sitting down time.

So first thing I am gonna do when I feel better is take the mother of all long hot showers and try to degunk myself but good.

I would say I was going to take a long hot bath, but despite meaning to take one, I never seem to get around to it, so fuck that.

Showers are just way more convenient and way less of a commitment. Taking a bath is this entire process. Showering is just a matter of an aggressive form of rinsing.

Like I have said before, I wish there was a human washing machine… that is, like a washing machine for clothes, but for people. You would just sit down in it and it would give you a very thorough cleaning.

Without the tumbling around, though. That would hurt.

In fact, I guess it would be less a washing machine for people as a highly specialized form of hot tub. One with like, wash and rinse modes, and presumably a very good filter considering the whole idea is to wash all the gunk off you.

But just think of how awesome it would be to get super clean every morning, and all without lifting a finger. I bet people would be a lot happier if they had very healthy clean skin all the time.

Or maybe that’s just my own weird little obsession. I don’t know.

Now I have to decide if I am awake enough to catch up on the week’s Daily Shows with Joe or whether I need more downtime. I think I will at least try to stay up. I have some diet cola in the fridge if I need awakeness assistance.

Or maybe I will just go back to sleep and trying to sleep this sickness away.

Man, being sick is depressing.

I will talk to all you nice people again tomorrow! 🙂