It is high time we liberals stop fucking around and get serious.

Our enemies are organized, disciplined, and share a strong group identity. This allows them to exert a great deal of force despite their relatively small numbers.

And a simple truth of human history is that the only way to fight a well organized collective, be it a political party, a movement, or a corporation is with an equally well organized collective of your own.

And we liberals have been fucking that up for decades.

Instead of banding together for common cause, we indulge in our overdeveloped sense of our own precious autonomy and refuse to join any army we can’t run.

Instead of responding to a coordinated threat with a coordinated response, we remain diffuse, weak, and above all cowardly.

And instead of reacting to the disaster that is the global right wing by showing them they are not unopposed, we dither and we blather and we immerse ourselves in a nice warm bath of our own recycled sentiments.

Why make the evil go away for real when we can all just retreat into a fantasy land of sunshine and rainbows and good, good vibes?

That is our drug, and we have been responding like a drug addict for far too long.

Being a liberal does not have to mean being a wimp. It doesn’t mean you have to back down when the other side is aggressive. It doesn’t mean you can’t fight like a tiger for what you believe, come what may.

Hence, I announce the formation of the New Liberal Army, a coherent fighting force trained and prepared to take on the forces of crazy-evil-stupid whenever, wherever, and however it proves necessary.

And do not call this an Army lightly, because while this organization would never, ever use physical violence as a political tool, when it comes to the idea we oppose, we must be the kind of tightly organized and disciplined organization focused on completing its objectives that only an army can become.

And so yes, this means discipline. It means hierarchy. It means doing what you are told without hesitation or question, and possibly even telling people what to do yourself. And why should a liberal submit to all of that?

Because that’s how you get things done.

And the NLA is all about getting things done.

What kind of things? Getting petitions signed. Getting voters registered and then getting them to the polls. Fighting pro-corporate and pro-plutocrat legislation wherever and whenever it raises its ugly head. Being vociferous and dedicated supporters of true democracy and vehemently fighting any attempts to cut corners on the democratic process or otherwise remove the strength of the people.

And make no mistake. This organization will be peaceful, nonviolent, and civilized, but it will NOT be kind, generous, or merciful.

We seek nothing less than the total political destruction of the forces of corporatist anti-democratic plutocratic evil, and we will not rest until our enemies are as afraid to express their vile and ignorant political views as a Klansman is to express theirs.

And we can do this, because they fear us.

That is why they refuse to engage. They know, deep down, that their view cannot withstand the slightest opposition. So they run and hide and do their best to stay far, far away from anyone who disagrees with them.

And right now, liberals are letting them get away with it. They have retreated to their own ideological grounds and let the enemy retreat and fortify.

But basic military strategy says that when the enemy refuses to engage, that means you have them in a rout and you should press the advantage.

In other words, you chase those motherfuckers down.

There should be no place where they can feel completely safe from opposition. One of the main jobs of this army would be to recruit people without a history of political activity to infiltrate every right wing event, every forum, every “think tank”, in order to make our positions known.

And when they kick one of our people out for voicing legitimate opposition, we simply send another, and another, and another, each one an ideological suicide bomber willing to face a lot of angry conservatives in order to expose them to the true world that exists outside their tiny minded little pigpens.

Furthermore, while I have tentatively named this the New Liberal Army, you don’t have to be a liberal to join. You just have to think that it should be government by and for the people, not by and for the rich. All you need is a strong belief in democracy and freedom in order to be a candidate.

And candidate is the proper term, because not all who volunteer can join. If you have trouble doing what you are told, can’t stand to have your personal identity subsumed into a group, or if you would rather die than give up one minute of your precious leisure time, then you will not get a chance to quit the organization.

But if you are looking to be part of something bigger than yourself, something that matters, something that is fully dedicated to making the world a better place not in some fuzzy-edged drop in the bucket sense, but by coordinated action towards specific and achievable goals, this might be the place for you.

Imagine a sea of people all dressed identically, with the purposeful and alert look of the soldier in their eyes, spreading out all over the world to bring the fight to the evildoers wherever they may be. Armed with the very best arguments and intensive training in persuasive debate, their discipline and focus evident in every movement they make, these people wash over the world of politics like a wave of change, bringing the laggards into the 21st century and reconnected the politics with the people.

And above all, bring people hope that change is possible, and all is not yet lost.

Isn’t that a dream worth fighting for?

I will talk to you lovely people again tomorrow.