In other words, I’m depressed.

Same as before. I feel heavy and beat down and just plain sad. Dunno if there is a physiological cause or if I am just processing some leftover emotions.

Yes, I know, that would also have a physiological cause, just one in the brain. Shut up, pedantic materialist in my head.

The periodic assaults on my coping structures from earaches certainly doesn’t help. I did eventually go get the antibiotics for them, though. If it is some kind of ear infection, that should take care of it. It’s what took care of it before, those times when I had swimmer’s ear.

My doctor didn’t seem to think it was swimmer’s ear. Looking at the Wiki page, I am inclined to agree. This is definitely not that. At least it explains why my GP tugged on my earlobe and asked if that hurt (it didn’t). Swimmer’s ear is an outer ear thing. I would have a red, inflamed earlobe if that was my condition.

So now I have no idea what it was I had before. A middle ear infection, maybe? It can’t be inner ear because there are no auditory effects. And honestly, just a guess, but I figure if it was my inner ear, I would be in a lot more pain.

I mean, there’s pain and then there’s pain. Compared to everyday life, these earaches are very painful.

Compared to when my gall bladder went kablooey, they are a mere pinch.

All I know is that I have had this before and it always came about as a result of fluid in my ear. And antibiotics did solve it. So, fingers crossed there.

Skylos, if you are reading this, I can’t thank you and Dhugal enough for taking care of me those two times I had an ear infection when I lived with you in Silicon Valley. I owe you guys so much. Yo and Ross, of course.

The moving is going okay on my end. I am probably going to pack up and move my main computer today. It’s not like I am using it much lately, what with it being Internet-free. Funny how in this day and age, that renders a computer useless.

Well, nearly useless, anyhow.

I have figured out how I can fix it on my own, though. Once I get my check next week, I will buy a USB WiFi receiver. I figured those must exist, so I Googled it, and yup. I can get one at NCIX for just 10 dollars. And that way, I don’t have to prevail upon William to come fix our Ethernet cable.

It’s about time I gave up the hard line anyhow. It’s so pre-millennial.

I will have to make sure that my computer is as close as is reasonable possible to the WiFi router, though.

Dealing with WiFi signal variability is bad enough on my tablet. On my actual PC, it would be intolerable.

I am somewhat stressed about the rest of the move. I dunno if we are going to have everything in place by Tuesday. I am going to offer my help for the rest of it once I am done with blog and video.

Committing to a blog and a vid a day doesn’t seem like such a big deal when you largely have nothing else to do with your time. But when you actually have things to get done, it becomes kind of a pain.

Still, I am looking forward to the move. I have been wanting something to come along to shake up my life for a long time, and I guess I got my wish with this whole eviction thing. Because of it, we are moving to a new place which has a different set of drawbacks and virtues, and the resulting chaos can be harnessed and used as both the energy and the opportunity for renewal.

And boy, do I need renewal.

I will do my best to be more responsible in the new place. Keep things cleaner, including my body. Get into the habit of looking around for things to do when I feel bored and stressed out. Fuss over stuff.

And flip my damned mattress. It desperately needs it, for both comfort and sanitary reasons. So much sleep sweat in it. Gross.

Maybe I will even start using my CPAP machine again. Anything’s possible. Who knows, maybe they have masks that reduce the claustrophobia factor now.

My claustrophobia is largely what made my relationship with it so… complex. The feeling of the mask over my face and having to remember to breathe through my nose (if you open your mouth, it breaks the seal) and such really made me feel trapped and restricted, and I would have trouble breathing even though another part of me knew that I was actually breathing way better than normal.

Throw in an allergy attack and the resultant stuffed up nose, and the thing becomes unusable. When you can’t breathe through your nose, the only options left are to breathe through your mouth or through your ears.

And my Eustachian tubes are usually clogged up too.

So I guess I can count myself amongst those who tried CPAP and it just didn’t work for them. My sleep apnea has gone untreated for like five years because of it, and because, well, depression is an ugly illness that makes people do ugly things just because they lack the motivation to do anything else.

The thing is, in order to go to the next step of treatment (probably surgery), I will have to admit to people in authority that I have let things slide for a very, very long time.

And that is a major barrier for a socially anxious person like me.

Hopefully, I will work up the nerve eventually and go get this shit fixed. The next step is likely surgery, and I am willing to go under the knife if there is a good enough chance that it will result in better sleep.

Time to resume this whole moving thing.

I will talk to you nice people tomorrow.