That’s “the apartment”, for you sad fools who don’t speak spontaneously invented pseudo-black slang. Dawg.
Just relaxing today. I feel good, and none of my health problems are buggin’, so I figured, what the hell, let’s just relax, put op some mp3’s, chat with my friends online, and pop you some vids in between stretches of my wordy meanderings and flights of laid back fancy.
So sit back, pop a brewski, put your feet up, completely forget that the world outside this moment exists, and watch some weird and funny shit, Chez Moi.
First up : I love these guys. They make EPIC MEALS of COMPLETE AND TOTAL INSANITY. I just love the host’s attitude and the creativity they bring to the art of creating new monstrosities of cuisine that stomp-fuck tradition and slap-rape nutrition like the filthy, filthy whores that they are.
And unlike a lot of their stuff, this actually sounds like it could be amazingly tasty.
First off : bacon and croissant stuffing? FUCKING GENIUS. That sounds SO GOOD. It’s like they followed me to the nearest Sunday Brunch Buffet and carefully watched as I loaded down my plate with bacon and croissants and said “Ah hah! That goes in a bird!”.
And damn it, it does. I seriously love both bacon and croissants, and putting them together in a stuffing is genius. The croissant crumbs will soak up the bacon grease and get all crisp and bacony… I am seriously beginning to drool just thinking about it.
Also : doing it in the smoker? FURTHER FUCKING GENIUS. Oven roasting doesn’t stand the faintest chance of working with something that complex. You would end up with the outside burned and half the inside cooked and the other half raw and basically you would have a big nasty inedible bag of salmonella and trichinosis.
Barbeque wouldn’t work either. No “from the inside out” method would work. And the microwave? Please. You want it to roast, not boil in its own juices.
No, smoker is the only way. The hot smoke cooks everything slowly and evenly as it passes through the meat and you can leave it in there for as long as you want, and it won’t burn. [1]
I wasn’t as sure about the Doctor Pepper and butter glaze. I don’t like Doctor Pepper, I think it tastes vile and evil and fake and just plain gross. It tastes like it wants to hurt people. But combined with the deep rich buttery flavour of butter… you know, that just might work.
My big problem : they show people eating it, but they don’t get their reactions! I wanted to know HOW DOES IT TASTE? I get that it’s mostly about making crazy meals and the eating is just to prove that yes, they are crazy motherfuckers and do actually eat this shit, but still. I wanna know!
Next dish for your eager vidding eye to savour : Yup. He actually did it.
Stephen Colbert showed up on Jimmy Fallon and sang Friday by Rebecca Black.
Here is the proof :
And of course, because Colbert is one hundred percent comedy class, he and Fallon motherfucking BROUGHT IT. No weakassed boring limp version of the song. They brought the magic and didn’t stop bringing it until the song was over. Not a dull moment in the whole thing.
That, my friends, is how to BRING IT.
Did I mention that they also BROUGHT IT and that IT was BROUGHT and that when people said “Where is IT?” they said “IT IS HERE AND WE WERE IN CHARGE OF IT AND WE DISCHARED SAID DUTY FULLY?
Finally, Felicity and I have been watching cheap action movies lately, and enjoying their hilarious terribleness, and so that, of course, made me want… nay NEED… to see this clip again.
Sorry Nice Fellow From The Colbert Show, but that shit is RETARDED.
I mean, do those guys seem dangerously genetically unstable or what? Especially our “hero”. His whole look just screams “Cornfed Inbred Special Ed Dead in the Head”, doesn’t it?
The institutional haircut. The angry confused expression. The bizarre stance. That frightening look of sullen, toddler-like resentment on the face of an adult mutant. You just look at him and think “That is a man who knows what crayons taste like. ”
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
[[1]] Well, OK, if you want to be anal about it, eventually the meat would dry out to the point where it actually became flammable enough for the smoke to ignite it. But that would take DAYS.