My good friend and former housemate/benefactor (twice!) David Ihnen sent me a link to this very well written essay about how waiting till you feel like doing something or until you find the “mativation” to do it is an exercise in futility of a particularly tragic form.
He sent me the link, I assume, because he knew I have written on that exact subject and many of the same points myself. (It’s also possible that he thought it was the sort of thing I need to read. He thinks I need some tough love and a swift kick in the ass. He’s probably right. )
The author of the article goes into greater detail than I ever have, though, and while he puts it a little harsher than I normally would, I agree with most if not all of what he says.
Like this quote :
Motivation, broadly speaking, operates on the erroneous assumption that a particular mental or emotional state is necessary to complete a task.
That is exactly what I have been saying about conquering mood. Waiting till you feel like doing something is total bullshit procrastination. Because if it’s the kind of thing you don’t like doing, you know goddamned well you will never feel like doing it. You’re waiting for something you know will never come.
So forget the bullshit of “eventually” or “sooner or later”. That’s just substituting the idea of doing something for the actual doing of it. If you like the feeling that you will do something eventually, but don’t like the idea of actually doing it, then you are lying to yourself in a very poisonous way.
Admit to yourself that whatever it is will never stop seeming scary, hard, confusing, too much of a commitment, too big a step out of your tiny comfort zone, or whatever else is keeping you from doing it right now. Therefore, to say you will do it when you feel like it is exactly the same as saying you will never do it. There is no difference.
Then there is this quote :
I am utterly 100% convinced that this faulty frame is the main driver of the “sitting about in underwear playing Xbox, and with yourself” epidemic currently sweeping developed countries.
I completely agree. And not just that, but the depression, isolation, and feelings of inadequacy that come with it. I know an awful lot of people in the same situation as me : alone, depressed, unemployed, dependent, and seemingly incapable of doing anything with their lives.
I wouldn’t call it an epidemic, but it’s a problem. Somewhere along the line, probably with the Baby Boomers who rebelled against their own parents’ discipline, we completely lost the ability to teach kids discipline. Too many teachers who wanted to be friends with the kids, too many parents too lazy, distracted, or apathetic to do the hard work of teaching discipline, and a society seemingly intent on raising passive, dependent consumers instead of citizens have created a massive discipline deficit.
And the thing is, the people currently speaking out for discipline are horrible ambassadors for the concept. For them, it is clearly about the urge to punish for its own sake and that certain cranky hatred of other people’s happiness that comes from having lived a joyless life yourself.
When they say “children need discipline”, they are clearly saying “children need to be beaten”, and that’s deadly wrong.
Instead of those clearly diseased people, we need people teaching the positive definition of discipline and approach the teaching of it that way. Discipline is not simple punishment from those with power over you. It’s how you handle life, how you build strength of character, and with it, the whole world is opened up to you.
Without it, you are limited to only doing things you happen to feel like at the time. And when you think about it, that is a very small list of things. You are stuck only doing the sorts of things that are easy and fun and hugely rewarding.
And despite what your guidance counselor tried to tell you, there is no way to get paid to do things which are easy and fun and hugely rewarding. Even professional video game players have to develop the discipline to practice incessantly. Whatever it is you want to do for a living, making a living at it will mean doing it when you don’t feel like doing it, as well as other grown up things like accepting other people’s rules and desires, and following a schedule, and all that adult responsibility stuff.
I think that the Modern Dream, the idea that you will find what it is that you like to do and then do that for a living and therefore it will not even seem like work, just getting paid to do what you like to do anyway, is an extremely destructive and pernicious lie. We sell kids on the idea of basically never having to really grow up, and then we act surprised when they seem to have the crazy idea that they will never have to really grow up.
“Nobody told me it would hard, scary, and no fun for even a heartbeat! Well, that’s it, I quit. ”
This goes all the way up. People’s dreams of wealth are basically all dreams of never having to do anything you don’t feel like doing anymore (and having really nice stuff). Without it ever being articulated, the dream of never having to do anything you don’t feel like doing runs deep in the zeitgeist of the modern age, and its malignant influence touches everyone’s life.
Therefore, I think we need to turn “do one thing each day that scares you” into “do one thing each day that you don’t have to do and don’t feel like doing”.
And remember, discipline is like a muscle. It gets stronger with use. And the stronger it gets, the easier it is to do things. The very things that seem seem like insurmountable hurdles now will be done with Superman like ease by the more disciplined you.
Take all your “eventually’s” and “some days” and “planning to’s” and burn them. You will never do them. Give up on the patently false idea that you will do things when the impossible conditions for doing them occur and let those toxic dreams die.
And after you have done this, you will miss some of those dreams.
The one you miss the most is the one you should pursue.
Because whaddaya know? Now you have motivation!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.