Today’s the day I am officially celebrating my birthday. Tonight, we will go to one of our favorite eateries, dinner and dessert will be had, Julian and I (his birthday is the day after mine) will get gifts, and there will be much rejoicing.

And I am trying really hard to build up some appropriate enthusiasm, but so far, it’s rough going.

Traditionally, birthdays are a time for people to take stock of their lives, which is usually something I passionately avoid. I generally assume that the result can only depress me and fill me with despair, so I figure I am better off not going there.

But fuck that kind of weakness. I am slowly learning to do exactly the opposite of what my instincts tell me to do, like George Costanza, and so today, I will do my best to take stock.

And then I will figure out what to do with the other 800 words. Ha ha ha.

We will start with health. That is a tricky one. I have a lot of medical issues, and most of them are untreated. My diabetes is at best half treated. I take my pills and 60 units of insulin at night, but I never test my blood sugars so I have no idea if I am doing enough.

I somehow doubt it, though, given my extremely sedimentary sedentary lifestyle and weakness for junk food. So who knows how much extra blood sugar I am rocking and what damage it is doing to my body.

Then there’s the sleep apnea. Totally untreated. The closest thing to sleep apnea treatment I have is my sleeping pills. They at least keep me asleep long enough to get some deep sleep and recover at least a quorum of brain function going.

But otherwise, I am presumably forgetting to breathe in my sleep a lot, and hence, getting oxygen starved on a routine basis when I am asleep and can’t do anything about it. And what am I doing about that?

Not a damned thing.

Then there’s the depression. On that, at least, I can say I am doing all I can to combat it. I take my meds, I write in this blog, I go to therapy once a week. I might strain against the bars of my cage a tad more, but at least I have a regular thing where I go to White Spot on Wednesdays now.

It’s not much, but it’s something.

Then there’s the damage to the cartilage of my knee. That’s not a huge issue at the moment. I have learned how to walk on it (inasmuch as I walk at all) and I think the muscles around the injury have gotten stronger, so it mostly just makes me walk with a slight limp.

But I worry that some day, I will over-strain it somehow, and it will become a far worse injury.

And then there’s the fact that I have two inch-long holes in my abdominal wall through which my guts dangle.

All of these problems are pretty bad. And yet, for the most part, I feel well. Somehow, I have adapted to all of this, and I can get through the day.

It helps to have been sick so long, you’ve forgotten what healthy feels like.

And then there’s wealth. Not much to talk about there. My computer, antique as it is, counts as an asset. Tablets too. Plus my ancient and well-loved king sized bed is worth something or other.

But like most things in my life, most of my wealth is entirely in my head. I have a lot of assets there.

Talent, creativity, wit, intelligence, charm, and a whole lot more. On paper, at least, I have a lot going for me, and there’s a lot of people who would envy and covet my many mental assets.

Kind of hard to translate them into liquid assets, though. Maybe I should rent them out.

And how about my social assets? Well, I have three very good friends, and that’s all I need on that score, as far as I can tell. I am not someone who needs to have tons of friends in order to feel good about themselves. I just need a few reliable, stable friends with whom I can have high level intellectual conversations and/or just goof around.

These days, though, you also have to take your social support network into account. By that, they mean who you can go to in times of trouble, and I definitely have people in my life who could help me out of a jam.

The problem there is, I have a lot of trouble asking people for help. It was rather strongly discouraged in my childhood. I was the kid who wasn’t supposed to be there and as such, my “job” was to take care of myself and not bother anyone.

In other words, I was supposed to disappear so they could forget they had me.

So the social network is there, but I find it hard to access, so in a sense, it doesn’t count. Not the fault of anyone in my social world, just the product of a terrible childhood I have yet to overcome.

I have a hell of a lot of growing up to do. And it’s taking forever.

Last stop : the future. What does it hold?

Comedy classes. Excited/nervous about those. Not sure how I will take to heavy duty workshopping. We will see.

And of course, Kwantlen in the fall. Back to school. Looking forward to that, big time. I am insanely good at school. So good that I didn’t even realize how good I was until many years after I had left college.

After that, the main goal : Vancouver Film School, Writing for Television and Film program. That is still my ultimate goal and I will only change that if something better comes along before I get there.

Who knows, I might stumble into a comedy writing gig via standup.

So that’s my life in review. Now, I need a nap.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.