What, exactly, do people get out of having low self-esteem?

Because make no mistake : nothing happens within the human mind which does not, in some sense, benefit it. It might be a lousy deal which costs far more than what is gotten out of it, but the actions are still in search of something.

Indeed, the main problem in the life of the modern human is a question of how to meet our many and overlapping emotional needs. We have thrown open the gates of possibility, and that has made this happiness equation more complicated than ever.

So what, exactly, is the need met by low self-esteem? Even self-loathing?

The most common hypothesis that I have encountered is that the need met is one for a sense of safety. Lurking within the mind of people with dangerously low self-esteem is a very deep fear that higher self esteem will somehow attract danger, and that it is only by staying buried in the mud out of humility that one can avoid attracting the lightning bolts of the gods.

This is an excellent theory, and I think gets to the root of the problem. But it is not a complete theory. There is a lot more going on than compulsive humility. We must dig deeper.

Another theory is that low self esteem is the product of people taking out their anger on themselves, internally. Everyone’s life results in some frustration and anger, and while others might take it out by becoming cranky and irritable, and hence securing a target for their anger, a low self esteem individual might well attack themselves instead, criticizing themselves and attacking their own self-worth as a way of venting that anger without risk of confrontation.

Of course, this is tragically futile, because when attacker and the attacked are the same person, the short term gain in vented frustration comes at a heavy, heavy cost to the self-worth of the individual in question, and from that low self worth comes a whole new world of frustration and pain.

It’s a lousy deal.

Then there’s the chemical argument. Without the right serotonin levels in the brain because of the too-hasty re-uptake of it by the brain’s own cells, all positive emotions are suppressed. Normal emotional expression is impossible and the psyche cannot help but be warped by this constant chemical imbalance.

In a sense, if this is true, then all other theories must pale in comparison. It may simply be impossible to love yourself when your serotonin levels are off, and there is only so much modern medicine can do to fix them.

My antidepressants keep me from killing myself by keeping my mood above a certain level. But they don’t make me happy.

However, when examined, this proposition begs the question : how did those levels become chronically low in the first place?

Maybe it’s a genetic defect. Or the result of an infection we didn’t even know we have. Maybe somewhere within us, there is a parasite that is very fond of the raw materials for serotonin.

But we can’t discount the possibility that the reason is entirely psychological. We are still very shaky on the relationship between brain chemicals and psychological reality. In fact, we generally don’t like thinking about it at all. We prefer to think of ourselves as more autonomous than that, and the notion that something going on in our minds, possibly even the result of a consciously made choice, is to blame for a chemical imbalance offends and disgusts us.

Myself included, of course.

We can accept that what goes on in our brains is electro-chemical in nature, and we can accept that our psyches can be supported or damaged by life events, but when you interpret one in terms of the other, things get discomforting pretty fast.

See that little blip on your brain scan? That’s the time your father took your bicycle away.

Another theory of low self-esteem is that it stems from a lack of positive self esteem input from one’s life, either in the past or in the present. This is often misinterpreted as a lack of praise and positive reinforcement, but that interpretation leaves out the vitally important ingredient of meaningful effort. Self-esteem, in short, must be earned. It cannot simply be handed to you by the powers that be.

It is certainly true that the “nurture” of one’s life can be wildly insufficient and one can suffer from a kind of emotional malnourished as a result. This lack of emotional nutrients can even lead to something akin to a disability in life.

But no amount of unearned praise or arbitrary reward will fix that.

That is why I think that we need to incorporate meaningful labour into our conception of human needs. It’s not a need like oxygen is a need, but it’s a need like love, sex, acceptance, and so on. Society needs to recognize said need as well as realize that it is in its best interest to find a use for everybody, and do its best to provide for that need.

Sorry, that was a rant, not a theory.

So which of these theories is true? Probably all of them, in different ways. They are all different perspectives for something that is too large for us to see all at once, and as such, can see radically different from one another and even in conflict, but they are all true perspectives on the same enormous subject of human self-esteem.

The truth is, we know so very little about how our minds work, even a century after Freud. The human brain is the most complex object in the universe, as far as we know, and the more we learn about it, the more there is to learn. Every answer spawns a dozen more questions. And it’s a tossup as to whether the scientists or the psychologists will be first to the finish line.

One thing is certain : low self esteem is pandemic in modern civilization, and we need to understand the nature of the problem before we can find a cure.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.