I won’t lie to ya… I ain’t doin so well right now.

For one thing, my computer has decided it just plain can’t run my browser any more. If I try, the screen goes black, and I have no choice but to reboot. I can do anything else, it seems… But not the one thing upon which all rests these days,nbsp; namely web browsing.

So as you may have deduced, I am typing this blog entry into the WordPress app on my tablet. Thus is a lot slower and a lot more work than typing on my full sized keyboard on my full sized computer, and I might go get my Bluetooth mini keyboard to help bridge the gap.

It’s almost as good as typing on a real keyboard, but you need someplace to put it, preferably someplace table-like.

And we don’t have those here, as such.

So I am stressing out about whether or not my precious computer is dying. My one saving grace is that it has displayed these symptoms before, always in the summer, and they have gone away and stayed away for long periods of time.

To have my computer die on me is unthinkable. It is both where I work and where I socialize,and I sure as hell can’t afford a new one.

The other stressor making me miserable today is trivial in the grand scheme of things, but sure as hell didn’t help : I spilt my root beer.nbsp; I had a njce tall glass of diet AW root beer that I was really looking forward to drinking, and as I was making lunch, I knocked it over and spilled it all over the kifchen counter.

So notvonly did I waste all that root beer and thus deprive myself of the pleasure of drinking it, I got to spend the next 10 minutes cleaning it up, ice cubes and all. All that ice cold root beer mocking me as it chilled nothing but my fingers.

Sometimes it is the little things which hurt the most.

Oh well. All this will pass. I still feel kinda grumpy and mad at the world, but I will get over it. And life will go on.

Really, today’s twin tragedies just brought my current mood to a head. I have been feeling cranky and depressed lately and I don’t know why. Just part of the long long healing process that is recovery, I suppose.

I suppose my student loan business is a stressor too. I logged into the student loan website yesterday to check on thd progress of my application, only to find that there hadn’t been any because it turns out that I have to print out this stupid form, sign it, and send it to Victoria before the process can really begin.

Ink on paper, in this day and age. Billions of dollars of business is done entirely electronically every day, but these prople need ink on paper.

What’s worse, in order to access disability money, I have to fill out this simply massive form to prove that I am disabled. Apparently, the fact that I am receiving full disability benefits from the exact same government which will receive said form is not good enough. They need me to prove it again.

The left hand doesn’t even know the right hand exists.

I don’t have a printer, so I have asked dear Felicity to do the form printing for me. Her mother has a home office, and she can print them out there if she gets her mother’s permission.

So that is, I suppose, another thing pulling my mood down somewhat. I am sure it will work out, but discovering that I had missed a vital detail when I filled out my student loan application the first time (actually, there were a few other small things, but whatever) was a shock and filled me with that all too familiar feeling of stupidity at having missed something important.

Being somewhat scatterbrained and absentminded, as well as extremely inward-looking and outward-oblivious, there is always a very real possibility that I have missed something very important. Some detail that is super important but my tendency to do things with more energy than precision failed to grasp.

And I know that sometimes, irrational exuberance gangs up with desire to escape (or be “done”) in causing these errors to occur. In such a state, going back to see if you missed anything seems absurdly unnecessary.

But thw worst part of it is that there doesn’t seem to be a possibility of change. It’s not like I set out thinking “I am going to do a really half-assed job of this!”. I try as hard as I can to do a really thorough and diligent job, and a lot of the time that is fine, but now and then, it isn’t, and I feel like a helpless, hapless fool.

(—)

Aaaand I am back from my appointment at the sleep center, and let me tell you, my bad brain day just keeps rolling along.

I got there a couple minutes late, only to realize that I had forgotten to bring the memory chip from my CPAP device, the reading and analyzing of which was the entire point of my going there.

I thought of just slinking home right then and emailing Marielle to reschedule. But that would be shameful and cowardly of me, and I am striving against the tendency, so I went in to face the music.

Only to find out that my appointment was not for today, it was for Thursday. Or at least, that’s what the spinny receptionist said. I have reason to doubt her perspicacity. She thought I normally come on Fridays (nope), and that my previous appointment had been on a Wednesday (nope nope, they have all been on Tuesdays. Wednesdays they would conflict with therapy. )

So at least this time, I was stupid in two ways that canceled each other out. I thought I was going to have to sheepishly admit that I had forgotten the chip. But it turns out, nope!

I really hope I am better brained when I wake up tomorrow.;

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.