It is 4:21 in the morning, and I can’t sleep.

Took my sleep meds. Zero effect. Nothing. Tried to tire myself out with a low stimulation game. Dumb idea, no game is low stimulation enough to relax me more than itnbsp; stimulates me.

I lack the skills needed for slow, gentle, gradual relaxation. It is always a top speed crash into a brick wall. Actually, no. It’s always a top speed drive over the edge of a cliff into the void between the light of the mind and the deep and beautiful darkness of sleep.

No wonder I need drugs to sleep.

Admittedly, I have never tried writing as a way of getting my excess energies out so I can sleep before, or at least, not since high school. Maybe this will become a regular thing for me. Emptying the contents of my fevered mind onto the page in order to give me space to lie down, at least.

I get pretty poetic at this hour. Cool.

The theory is sound, at least. And I am glad that it is the not-sleepy kind of insomnia, not the sleepy-but-can’t-sleep kind. The latter is the sort of thing as like to make a man lose his senses and end up in Bedlam.

That sentence was fun to write.

I have not had the crazy making kind of insomnia for a long time, knock on metaphorical wood. Admittedly, this is mostly due to having very little to do and almost nothing requiring an alarm click, but still, I am grateful.

I had a terrible time with insomnia when I was a teen. I would lay there staring at the clock, compulsively calculating the ever-dwindling hours and minutes until I had to get up for school.

It took an embarrassingly long time for me to realize the clock was the problem.

Well, this seems to have done the trick. I have become quite sleepy. Part of me wants to keep blogging and see just how sleepy I can get, but I am fairly certain that line of reasoning is neither wise nor sane.

I will see you nice people again in the morning.

(—)

And I am back.

I have had a good long sleep, and yet, I still feel like napping. I don’t know whether this is a physiological need, or whether I am just experiencing some depression and it’s manifesting itself as bed-seeking.

I do know that something is a bit off with me lately. I feel like I am not getting back all the energy that I put out. I keep having these moments of screaming anxiety and tension. They are brief, but…. memorable.

Then again, maybe I am making too much of this. Maybe the real culprit is simply having nothing structure to do. My mood is usually pretty good on weekdays once I have been to class. This suggests that it is the activity (and maybe the fresh air and sunshine to and from) that keeps me buoyed up. Food for thought.

At some point this afternoon, I am going to go to the local postal outlet with Joe to pick up my birth certificate. Hopefully, this will be the last time I ever have to drag him along.

See, they won’t give you a delivery unless you have photo ID. I won’t have photo ID till I have the contents of said delivery. This would be a total catch-22, but luckily, someone whose photo ID lists the same address as the delivery can also pick it up, and that’s where Joe comes in.

It’s a good thing that I tracked the package. Silly me, I was thinking that because the “courier” was Canada Post, the package delivered would show up in our mailbox. But apparently, Canada Post is just like any other courier company, where they pretend they tried to deliver it then made you come pick it up.

The tracking info says they tried to deliver it on Thursday, but I don’t believe it. Julian was home most of the day on Thursday, so it’s not like nobody was here to sign for it. And I find it hard to believe that a package containing my birth certificate was too big to fit into our mailbox.

The tracking info even said they had left a card telling us where to pick it up. Bull shit they did. As you can imagine, I was monitoring our mailbox, and there was no card.

So yeah. If I hadn’t entered the tracking number into the Canada Post website to see WTF is going on, I would be still waiting for the damned thing.

Once I have the birth certificate, I can get photo ID, and I can get my student loan, and so forth and so on. Once I have all that taken care of, a huge burden will be shifted off my shoulder and that will go a long way towards helping me relax and focus on my education and not be so tense.

While out and about, I will also need to stop in at Money Mart and put some more money on my card. I totally forgot to put money to pay my bills on there when I cashed my cheque, and it’s that time of year when I have to pay for my domain so the bills are a skootch higher than usual, and honestly I am just glad I have a website to type into today.

Usually when this happens, they cut me off, and I can’t access my blog till I pay up. And that sucks.

Anyhow, when I am done here, I will go see what Joe is up to, and get the show on the road. Hopefully, that will wake me up enough to let me resist the urge to crawl under the covers and hibernate.

Plus I still have a video to do. It never ends, really.

If I worked any harder, I’d practically be employed!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.