I have been making light of this whole “suddenly no homework” thing but it’s actually kind of a big deal.

To refresh your memories : last week was a very busy and stressful week, school-wise. I had a bunch of assignments due (including one I was flat out wrong about, but whatever) which meant that between school during the day and homework (or, gasp, even actual STUDYING), I was kept very busy indeed.

And I loved it. I might not have said so at the time because I am still a little behind on knowing what is good for me, but looking back, I was one happy, fully engaged with life dude when I had lots of things to do.

And now, that is over. Life goes back to its usual placid yet stultifying pace, and that is really depressing. Now that I have recent and vivid knowledge of how much happier I am when I am busy, my usual slacking seems dull and horrid, and I feel the pressure of all those empty hours to fill all the more keenly.

And that really sucks.

I mean seriously, what do I do with myself now? This void in time (and meaning) really makes life seem pointless. What am I even here for? With nothing in particular to do, all I can do is amuse and distract myself until something comes along.

And that is just not enough any more. I have had enough idle distraction for a dozen lifetimes, and I am royally fucking sick of it. Hell, the only reason I am doing this blog entry now instead of after supper, like I had planned, is because I couldn’t face the two “free” hours I had before I eat.

What I will do later, I have no idea. Blogging can only take up so much of my time, so doing it sooner doesn’t actually get me ahead. It just means I will go back to the void all the sooner.

And I can’t stand it there.

It doesn’t help (or does it?) that I am sick. I have a cold and it has been making me a snot faucet (snaucet) for a few days. As usual, at first I thought it was just my allergies acting up, but it’s the wrong time of year for that. Then when the feeling of malaise set in Thursday, I knew it was no allergy attack.

Plus, antihistamines had zero effect on it. Crap.

So I guess I caught a slow acting version of Con Crud, a term my therapist found extremely gross when I explained it to him on Thursday. For those who don’t know, it is very common for people who go to conventions (of any sort) to end up sick afterwards. This is because when you take a bunch of people from a wide geographical area and put them in the same hotel, lots of virii and bacteria get to find new hosts who don’t yet have antibodies for them, and it ends up being a Petri dish where lots of disease vectors come together.

So whatever is making you feel ill after a convention (besides post-convention depression, also very common) is called Con Crud. It’s usually nothing particularly nasty and often it doesn’t do anything more than make you feel sort of crappy for a few days.

In my case, I can only assume that my immune system held this invader off for as long as it could, but it was a battle of attrition and they (I) lost.

So now the real war is on. Full on immune response. I think I am probably over the worst of it now, but it was a sucky kind of thing to happen at the tell end of a stressful week.

It’s not like I could call in sick for an exam. Then I’d need a doctor’s note, and all that jazz. Lame.

And so now, I am sick and bored. For me, this has always been an irritating point in one’s recovery from a cold or flu, where you have your energy back but you still feel ill, so boredom comes easily.

At least when you are fully sick, it occupies your mind.

I really hope the nose part of this thing is over, because I have not been able to use my CPAP machine in a couple of days. There is no point strapping a mask on over your face when you are producing all that snot. You’d drown.

But I can feel the difference between how I feel when I have been using CPAP and how I feel when I have not. So hopefully, I will resume its use tonight.

Get that bad air out of my lungs, dammit!

I do have something to do tonight, namely, clean out the 2L bottles I have let accumulate till they are covering all surfaces in the kitchen. It’s not a huge amount of work, and yet I always put it off for as long as I can, and then some.

Guess I still have some growing up to do.

And the thing is, this need not happen at all. If I can just train myself to rinse the bottle and put it in the appropriate bin every time I empty a 2L, which happens once a day, on average. That’s only a few moments of effort and it would keep me from having to do these big washings of like, forty bottles.

The thing is, I like big jobs. I like jobs that I can sink my teeth into, where I can gear up and put my back into it for a considerable period of time. Even when working, I hate to be interrupted before I feel like I am “done”.

Still, I am not the only one involved here. My bottles take up all the room on the kitchen counters when they get this bad, and that makes life worse for everyone in this apartment.

Time to grow the fuck up.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.