Waiting for the bus, ergo blogging.

I set out on the day’s journey, eager to finally put this whole student loan thing behind me.

So of course, there’s another delay.

I was so happy when I went to the Vancity website and fpund out they were open on Saturdays. Turns out I would NOT have tonbsp; wait till Monday! But fate laughs at such hope and takes joy in quashing it.

Turns out, you need an appointment to open an account, and Vancity was “booked solid” (read : none of the people who do that come in on Saturdays), so I had to make an appointment for 1 pm on Monday.

I could tell the “all booked

It’s lucky for Vancity that I forgot there was a Coast Capital right next to Shopper’s Drug Mart only a block away. Otherwise, I would have just walked over there, seen if they were open, and if they were, I would have asked them if THEY could give me a checking account today.

I still might, honestly.

More when I am home.

(—)

Pondering going back out there and trying again. It’s 2 pm and they are only open till 3… so I better make up my mind quick.

I know, I will just phone them and see if I can set up an account today with them.

Nope, no such luck. It’s 2, and they close at three, so their last appointment has already started. Bugger. Guess I will be waiting till 1 pm on Monday after all.

It’s going to be a little tricky. I can do 1 pm because I don’t have class till 2:30, but that means that at 2 pm, I have to be out that door and waiting for my bus. Or at least, walking to Kwantlen. The guy who booked my appointment said that the appointments take an hour max. I sure hope he’s right.

This never happened any other time I signed up for a bank account. But I never signed up with one on Saturday before.

Well, I suppose I should go get some food. I was too nervous to eat before I left, and now that I know there will be no more excitement for today, it should be safe for me to eat.

Eating when my stomach is all nervous is…. bad.

(—)

Decided to eat at the computer. I don’t normally do that, but then again, sometimes I do. Just goes to show that I am so weird, I am weird even by my own standards.

Right now, I have a lot of emotions sorting themselves out in my mind/bloodstream. I am, of course, very annoyed at this delay in the resolution of my long ordeal. It gives me a very irritating feeling of being thwarted.

There’s also pure frustration. Just like when I am about to go to class and find out it is canceled, I had summoned up my energies and then found out that they had no outlet. That always frustrates and depresses me.

Ah yes… depression. Does not mix well with low blood sugar. I am fighting it off but I can feel its weight pressing down on me. It’s making me want to lie down in bed and hide from the world for a while by taking a nap.

But I am not going to do that. Not yet, anyhow. I am at least going to finish this blog entry before I succumb to the gravity of depression by reverting to my lowest energy state.

I will probably stop being sleepy once I lay down, anyhow. For some weird reason, being at the computer makes me sleepy in a way that vanishes like snow in fire when I lie down. Which is, of course, extremely frustrating.

I don’t know what important variable is in a different state when I am sitting at the computer versus laying in bed. Is it a temperature thing? Because my computer’s proximity to the window does mean I am cooler here than anywhere else in the apartment. (In more ways than one.)

That could definitely be a factor. Another factor could be, well, air quality. My mattress has soaked up a heck of a lot of my flop sweat over the years, and while I can wash the sheets and the pillowcases, I don’t know how to clean a mattress. So it pretty much stays gross.

I try not to think about it. What you cannot change, and all that.

It’s possible that it’s just the difference between sitting up and laying down as well. The whole sleep apnea thing, at least the “obstructive” kind I have, is that when someone like me lays down, a part of my throat or nose flops into a position where it gets in the way of my breathing. Sleeping makes it even worse when said thing relaxes.

So maybe I get sleepy sitting at the computer because I am finally breathing properly. My body is like “Oh yay, the oxygen level is finally right… time to sleep before it goes bad again!”.

I never claimed my body was smart.

It’s probably all three of those combined plus a bunch of other shit I don’t even know about. Sleep is a complex phenomenon and my wiring on that issue has been messed up for as long as I can remember. I overstimulate my mind so much that there is no telling what is going to happen.

It’s not the mental exercise that is the problem. It’s the high stimulation level I achieve. One of the basic rules of mammalian subjective experience is that higher stimulation levels take more out of you than lower ones. And that any sudden change in stimulation level can be perceived as painful and causes the organism to seek to correct it.

Like, say, being unable to take the dropoff in stimulation between playing video games on your tablet so you just keep going until your mind is crying out for sleep, but you keep denying it.

I wouldn’t know anything about that myself, of course.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.