Straight men, I mean. It’s different for us fags. Kinda.

Anyhow, the thing women should know about men is that when it seems like all they want is sex, a lot of the time what they really want is intimacy. They want the act, sure, but their real goal, without them knowing it, is the quiet and the cuddles after.

And above all, what they want is a woman’s approval. They want a woman to say “Yes, you ARE good enough for me” and this need is so strong that the fact that they might be paying that woman for sex does not in any way dilute it.

Prostitutes will tell you that a lot of their clients make like what they want is sex, but end up just talking to the sex worker instead. That’s because it’s the intimacy they crave, and the approval. Simply talking to a sympathetic and willing woman can do wonders for a man’s emotional well-being, and that is far more important than sexual release. ^[1]

Men can get sexual release by themselves. It’s all the rest of it that they really crave.

And why are things like this? Because men aren’t supposed to crave intimacy and approval. It’s just plain not allowed. Among acceptable male emotions to express, lust is the most acceptable. So all their other needs are funneled into lust.

In the male culture of North America, even the desire to settle down and get married is penalized. Can you imagine a bunch of bro type males talking about how much they love to cuddle. Or how they need a woman’s approval in order to feel like they are a man. Or about how sad and lonely they get sometimes.

So it all gets tied into lust. That guy bragging about what he did in bed with some woman might really be saying “A woman said yes to me, and that makes me a valid male!”. The guy who cracks sexist jokes all the time might be expressing his deep frustration with lack of female approval the only way he knows how. The man who “suddenly turn into a monster” during a date might just be so desperately lonely that it overrides their higher faculties leaving their id in charge.

And they probably hate themselves afterward.

This all stems from the fact that these deep emotional needs often operates well below the conscious level. Men are not encouraged to introspect, and that means men are often a mystery to themselves. They do things without knowing why, and often conclude that there must be something wrong and evil about themselves because they misbehave with women.

This includes the things men do to try to control women. Like I have said before, men who feel the need to dominate, punish, and control women are men who are terrified of women’s power to do emotional harm to them, and therefore feel like they only can be “safe” around a woman if she is violently and visibly suppressed.

Therefore I think that one of the best, if not THE best, weapon against violence against women is the emotional empowerment of men. If male culture becomes more open and accepting of nonsexual desires for women, men will no longer have to try to get all their emotional needs satisfied via sex, and therefore would not become tortured souls who can’t understand why they aren’t happy.

Too many of them conclude it must be something wrong with women.

This conflict between men’s emotions and what it is acceptable for them to express helps explain why the “friend zone” is so hated by men. To a man, pursuing a woman all the way to the point of sex and then being told the woman only wants to be friends seems like a cruel trick, something like a bully holding out something you really want then pulling away at the last second saying “Psych!”.

As though women were saying “You’re good enough…. good enough… good enough… LOL NOPE.”

Obviously, this is crazy, and not what the woman is thinking at all. But the current setup produces men for whom sex with a woman is the only form of approval they are allowed to seek. So saying “but hey, you still get a friend! Isn’t that almost as good?” is meaningless. It’s like telling someone that sure, they lost the million dollar first prize, but the second prize of a coupon from the Keg is almost as good!

No it isn’t. It really, really isn’t.

And I think women are better off learning to accept this. Sure, when you are a teenage girl trying to figure out this exciting and dangerous new territory of desire for boys, you can be forgiven if you keep “making friends” with guys who seem really nice then suddenly “get weird and gross” by expressing sexual interest in them, but by the time you are out of college, you should be wise enough to realize that men are going to pursue them with sex on their minds and that’s fine. That’s normal. Imagine how you would feel if they stopped wanting you that way entirely.

And if a man makes a pass at you and you tell him that you just want to be friends, and he says he’s cool with that, that man definitely still wants to have sex with you. All you have done is put him in a holding pattern. He agreed to the friends thing because he didn’t want to lose access to you. But deep down, no matter what he says, he still wants to fuck you.

Well I guess that’s my wisdom bomb for today.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.